


Can't Get You Out of My Mind

by japhanforever



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Dreamsharing, First Kiss, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-04-27 21:57:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5065873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/japhanforever/pseuds/japhanforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil is weird in many ways, but there’s one thing about him that is weirder than most. He has the ability to enter people’s dreams. Normally, he just hops into a random friend’s dream and goes along for the ride. Until, that is, the new kid, Dan Howell, comes along. From the moment they meet, Phil can’t stop get him out of is head….. And Dan may have a hard time keeping Phil out of his. Literally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: semi-nightmares, one instance of vague bedwetting (minor character), some language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5/19/16- 
> 
> It has been brought to my attention that the relationship portrayed in this fic is less than healthy and extremely codependent. I acknowledge this and apologize to anyone that finds this offensive. I should have considered that before publishing. A more in depth response can be found here but it still does not excuse the fact that I could have written the boys so they were in a more healthy relationship and chose not to. 
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/5065873/comments/62304997

The best way to explain it, he had come to realize, was that his brain was very much like a radio scanner. Not that Phil had ever had to explain what he could do to anyone. He had decided to keep it a secret as soon as he figured out he could do it. He wasn’t really sure how he ended up with a radio scanner brain, but he did. And it wasn’t a radio scanner in the sense that he could listen to the radio in his head, that would be so much easier to live with. Phil could pick up on a more exclusive broadcast, normally only seen and heard by an audience of one. Phil could tune into people’s dreams. Not only that, he could actually interact and manipulate other people’s dreams. It had taken him longer to figure that part out. When it first started happening he would just sit on the sidelines and watch, and for the most part he went unnoticed.

The first dream he remembered invading, for lack of a better phrase, was his brother’s. He had fallen asleep and began dreaming, as he always had, but he felt that this one was more real. He later came to learn it was called lucid dreaming. His own dream started to fizz, like TV static, but just floating in the air. Slowly, the area around him started changing until he was stood in a bathroom, his brother stood next to him, staring at a line of toilets. One by one, the toilets began to overflow, spilling water on the floor. The water soaked their feet, the water level slowly rising until it was up to their knees. Martyn looked down at the water and called in a panicked voice, “This has never happened before! I don’t know what to do!”

Phil began to wade slowly towards the toilets to see if there was a way to shut them off, but just as he made it to the nearest one, the whole scene went black.

Phil was awoken by Martyn in the next room.  
“Shit! What the hell is this?”

Phil walked out in the hall way to find Martyn, his pants wet, shoving his bed sheets down the laundry chute. Martyn didn’t notice him, however, his back turned towards Phil as it was, so Phil snuck back into his room, not wanting to embarrass his brother any further.

After that incident, Phil began to wonder what other people dreamed about, letting himself believe that he had in fact seen his brother’s dream. He was young at the time, only about 11, and the idea still seemed plausible. He began to select people at school who he would try to channel into at night, anyone he felt particularly drawn to throughout the day, whether it be because they were ever mysterious and seemingly inhuman (like his teachers), or because they caught his eye in a crush type of way (and at eleven, many people did). or just because.

He did not realize he could actually manipulate dreams until a few months after the first incident. He was in his maths professor’s dream, which had started as a nice family dinner. There were two older people there he assumed where his teacher’s parents.

The father began speaking.

“You know, Arnold, your brother is writing another book. What is this, his sixth or seventh? What have you been up to? Oh, that’s right, teaching beginners algebra. Living a fruitless life. What do you have to show for this Arnold? What am I supposed to be proud of here?”

Phil, who was sat next to Arnold, unnoticed, saw the tears trickling down his face and decided to tell his dad off, even if he couldn’t hear him.

“Hey!” Phil began. Arnold’s father’s head snapped in Phil’s direction. He hadn’t expected that.

“Oh, um.”

“Yes?” the father spat.

“Just because your other son is doing something that attracts more attention doesn’t mean that what Mr.. um Arnold is doing is any less important. I didn’t understand math at all before his class and now I am getting the best grades I have ever gotten in algebra. So you know, come off it,” Phil finished, rather shakily. He could actually interact with the dream people. He had been sitting there, doing nothing for the last few months like an idiot, waiting for someone to see him, when all he had to do was speak up and draw attention to himself.

His teacher looked at him in shock. And then the scene faded away and Phil was left to find somewhere else to go.

After that it became a kind of addiction. He was now 16 and still going strong. If someone ever was mean to him, he gave them nightmares. If he wanted to find out more about someone’s inner workings, he sat through hours and hours of their dreams. He couldn’t stop no matter what he did. So night after night he hopped through most of the kids in his classes dreams and hoped no one would ever notice how often he appeared to them in their sleep if he wasn’t really their friend.

////

Chris flagged Phil down in the hallway as he walked to his first period.

“Hey, how are you?” Chris asked, falling into step with him.

“Fine. Tired, I guess,” he replied. That was the thing about dream hopping. You were so involved in the dream that you really didn’t get the quality of rest you needed.

“Bummer. I had a dream about you,” Chris mentioned.

“Oh, really?” Phil said, trying to act interested. That was the other thing. If you ever checked in on your close friend’s dreams, they would tell you about it in the morning and you just have to listen. He couldn’t say I know I was there, because how weird would that be?  
“Yeah, I was having this crazy nightmare about frogs coming out of all the water taps in my house and then you showed up and solved the problem,” Chris explained. “It’s weird how you always show up to fix things when I have nightmares. Must be my subconscious telling me I should listen to you more often.”

“Must be,” Phil answered only half listening.

“Did you hear there’s a new kid?” Chris asked as they entered the classroom for their first period, English.

That caught Phil’s attention. New people. He loved new people because he didn’t know anything about them and he could learn so much without ever having to actually talk to them.

“I didn’t hear that. Do we know a name?” Phil prodded.

“I don’t. We’ll have to see if Lou knows anything by next period,” he answered.

If anyone knew what was going on at this school, it was Louise. She was like this omnipresent being that knew everything instantly as it was happening. Another way to put it was she was just a normal 16 year old girl with too much time on her hands and a never ending thirst for gossip. But Phil preferred the first description.

Just as Phil was about to ask Chris if he knew anything else about the new kid, the teacher came in and hushed the class.

“Ok everyone, I want to start a couple minutes before first bell,” Mrs. Russo said, talking above the residual whispers. “We have a new student joining the class.”  
The residual whispers died out immediately. New student. In this class. That was too perfect, Phil thought.

“His name is Dan Howell and he has moved here just recently, so please do your best to welcome him.” Mrs. Russo continued. Just as she finished, there was a timid knock at the door. “There he is,” she said, before walking over to open it.

He walked in and stood quietly at the front of the class. He looked like he was trying to collapse in on himself, like he was scared to even disturb the air around him. His hair fell in his face, blocking Phil from getting a good look at it. Phil’s heart leapt, excited. The shy ones always have the most interesting dreams.

“Dan, welcome. You may sit wherever you’d like.” Mrs. Russo instructed him, but upon looking around the room, found there was only one open seat, directly next to Phil. “Phil, Chris, why don’t you catch Dan up on what we have been doing in class. The rest of you, please discuss your feelings on the short story you were meant to read last night.”

Phil could not believe his luck. It always helped you get into a dream if you had talked to the person before, got a feel for the wave length their mind traveled on. This kid didn’t look like someone who would talk to Phil on his own, so it was a good thing that the teacher had basically assigned him to.

Dan made his way to the seat he had been given, barely looking up as his classmates followed him with their eyes, pretending to talk about the reading, but actually spectating about him and gossiping about other things.

“Hi,” Phil said, as Dan settled into his seat. “I’m Phil, that’s Chris.” He pointed over his shoulder at Chris, who waved.

“Hey,” Dan answered, his voice smooth, deeper than Phil had expected, and quieter, too. “I’m Dan, but you know that.” He shot Phil a smile, flipping his fringe out of his face as he did so.

This gave Phil his first real look at Dan’s face. His eyes were the same cinnamon-y color as his hair. For some reason, just looking at him gave Phil the sense of warmth, not in an unpleasant way, but in a hot chocolate on a really cold day way. His smile was a little crooked, which made Phil annoyed upon noticing. A crooked smile, how cliche was that? He didn’t even know those happened in real life, but here Dan was with one on his face as plain as day. He decided that Dan was really quite cute, but then again, he had always had a soft spot for shy people. They always have the most incredible minds.

Apparently he had been quietly observing for longer than he had realized, because he heard Chris clear his throat behind him.

“Well, Phil, let’s get on with catching him up, then.” Chris said.

“Oh, right,” Phil answered. “Well, we’ve been reading The Metamorphosis by Kafka,” he began, “which is rubbish in my opinion, but to each his own. Have you read it before?”

Dan shook his head.

“Well, we are only a little of the ways in, but so far, this guy, Gregor, wakes up one morning to go to work, except he can’t because he has somehow turned into a bug and for some reason his whole family is like “This is weird but also fine,” and they start trying to adapt to having him as a bug,” Phil summarized.

Dan looked at Phil, then to Chris, amused. “You’re fucking with me, right?”

Phil was momentarily taken back by the language. Not that there was anything wrong with cursing, he just wasn’t used to hearing it so casually.

“He’s not fucking with you,” Chris continued in place of Phil. “Here, look at my copy and I’ll go get you one from Russo.”

Chris handing Dan his copy, reaching over Phil’s desk to do so, then found his way to the teacher’s desk to ask about getting Dan a copy.

Dan leafed through the book.

“You really weren’t joking,” Dan said after a moment’s perusal.

“Nope. This book is nine kinds of weird,” Phil agreed. “And the weirdest part is like how would he talk with a bug’s mouth? I don’t know if he can yet, but I would imagine it would just come out like ‘reeeeeep, reeep’, you know.” Phil mimed pincers in front of his mouth and made the noise again, just as Chris returned.

“He’s already starting with the animal noises, is he?” Chris asked, handing Dan the new copy of the book and taking his back.

Dan laughed quietly, as though he didn’t want the other two boys to hear him. “Does he do this often?” he asked Chris.

“Only every five seconds. The worst part is the noises he makes are completely insane. Even if an animal has a widely agreed upon noise they make, like moo or meow, he finds a way to make it weird. And when you call him out on it, he fights you. It’s completely impossible to deal with,’ Chris explained, Phil blushing next to him all the while.

“I don’t,” Phil protested when Chris had finished his rant.

‘You do,” Chris confirmed him, rolling his eyes at Dan in a ‘“ugh, this guy” sort of way.

“Yeah, well,” Phil said, a bit embarrassed that Chris was making fun of him in front of this new kid.

“It’s endearing,” Dan assured him, smiling his shy smile once more.

Phil felt heat rise to his cheeks. “Oh, uh, thanks,” he stuttered momentarily before adding, “See, Dan doesn’t think I’m impossible, he thinks I’m endearing. There’s a difference, Chris.”

“Yeah, well Dan doesn’t know you that well,” Chris replied, opening his book to the chapter they read last night.

Dan did not know him well yet, Phil thought, but he had a feeling that he was going to.


	2. Chapter 2

**_The First Dream_ **

It was around midnight. Phil had reached out to see if he could sense Dan’s dream frequency yet, but he couldn’t latch on to it. He decided Dan must still be up. He could be wrong, connecting to people’s dreams while he himself was still awake wasn’t the easiest thing, but, to be entirely honest, he wasn’t very tired. He was thinking far too much for his brain to really relax.

Throughout the day, he found he had four out of six classes with Dan. English, French, Maths, and Marine Biology all had a brand new addition today. Unfortunately, he only sat near Dan in two of the classes, French and English. However, Dan was visible from any of the seats that he had in all four classes. Why he had fixated so strongly on Dan today, he wasn’t sure. Maybe it was because he had noticed that Dan seemed to daydream a lot in class. His newest personal project was working on finding away to latch onto and enter day dreams but so far, his attempts had been futile. When people were awake, their walls were much more difficult to get around. At best, he could get a hazy idea of what the other person was thinking about, but he couldn’t get the full idea. His attempts on Dan that day had been no better.

Now, this late at night on a school night, he was worried that perhaps Dan’s mind was an impenetrable fortress. Most people he knew were asleep by now. The worst part was he had no way of knowing if he really wasn’t able to get through to Dan or if Dan was actually awake. He didn’t have his phone number. And why would he, they weren’t actual friends. He pulled out his phone and opened up Facebook, a new plan formulate in his mind. Ok, it wasn’t much of a plan, but it was something. He looked up Dan Howell and scrolled through a few of the results until he found the Dan he was looking for. There he was, smiling his dumb smile. Phil sent a friend request and put his phone down. He waited. It was taking too long. He kicked the phone off his bed so he couldn’t see it. He stared at the ceiling for about .3 seconds before retrieving the phone and checking it. Seeing nothing had changed, he threw the phone across the room, where it landed on a bean bag chair. He went to the bathroom. He came back to find a notification. Dan had accepted the request. He set the phone down.

So he was awake. Everything was ok. Dan was not an impenetrable fortress.

His phone beeped.

Dan had messaged him. That was fine. It was fine. He wasn’t nervous because that would be weird, why would he be nervous? He opened the messenger.

**Dan: Hey :)**

**Dan: _typing…._**

He seemed much more forward online than in real life, really just based on the fact that he even bothered to message Phil. Phil waited for Dan to finish typing the next message.

**Dan: If you don’t mind me asking, what are you still doing up? haha, school night and all.**

**Phil: I could ask you the same thing :)**

**Dan: I guess you could. I’m kind of a night owl tbqh. I’m normally up until three or four.**

**Phil: Wow, that’s late. How do you even get through the school day?**

Phil glanced at the clock. It was nearly one. He could feel his body winding down. He knew he wouldn’t make it until three or four. Maybe exploring Dan’s dreams was not meant to be.

**Dan: Normally, I don’t. I fall asleep in school all the time.**

**Phil: Oh, that makes sense.**

**Dan: Yeah.**

**Phil: :(**

**Dan: What? why :(?**

**Phil: If you’re sleeping at school, then I wouldn’t be able to talk to you.**

Oh no. Here he went. Was he trying to flirt? Or was he just trying to get Dan to fall asleep so he could brain stalk him? Either way, it wasn’t going too well.

**Dan: That’s tru :)**

**Dan: Maybe i will try to sleep earlier tonight :)**

**Phil: Maybe :)**

We’d see about that.

////

Two in the morning. Still no sign of Dan’s dream frequencies. Phil was about ready to give up and let himself sleep. He was nervous to. He hadn’t had his own dreams in years. He’d never had the time to spare. Just as he had pretty much given up all hope, he caught a flicker. Dan. He was on his way out.

Phil grabbed on to that flicker and let himself follow Dan into sleep.

///

The whole space was white. It wasn’t a room exactly, it didn’t seem to end in any direction except down. The only definite thing was the floor. But in every which way, including up, there was seemingly no end. Just white. About twenty feet away from where Phil stood in this vast nothingness, Dan sat at a plain black piano, leafing through a music booklet, looking frustrated. He tossed the book to the ground and focused his attention back to  the keyboard. He began playing. It was a song that Phil had never heard before, which wasn’t surprising to him. It must have been some sort of classical song, one he had never gotten around to listening to. He slowly approached Dan, careful to make no noise. He knew that Dan wouldn’t notice him unless he actually spoke, but still, he didn’t want to disturb him. He seemed so absorbed. Phil made his way to the other side of the piano, so he could see Dan’s face now instead of just the back of him. He stood there quietly until Dan was done playing. After a few moment’s silence, he spoke up.

“That was nice,” Phil said, smiling at how Dan jumped at the realization he was not alone.

“Thank you,” Dan said, looking at Phil puzzled.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked.

“Nothing. It’s just, I have this dream nearly every night and there usually isn’t anyone else here. I’m trying to think of why you would show up. You must be on my mind, having just spoken to you a little while ago,” Dan said, mostly talking to himself.

Phil was more taken aback by the fact that Dan knew that he was dreaming. In all his life, he had never popped in on a lucid dream. He didn’t know how that would work out for him. Would Dan be able to kick him out of the dream if he so chose? What would it be like to interact with someone who knew they were dreaming and could manipulate the dream? What would it be like to spend time in a dream where the person having it didn’t just accept the weird things around them as reality? Phil wasn’t sure he could do this.

“You know you’re dreaming?” Phil asked, trying to remain calm.

“Yeah, I always do. I have been able to lucid dream since I was like, nine.” Dan shrugged.

“Oh.” Phil wracked his brain for something else to say. “What was that song you were playing?” was what he finally settled upon.

“Is it lame to say I don’t know?” Dan answered.

“How can you not know?” Phil queried.

“I made it up. I come here every night in my dreams and I play it all the way through, I don’t know, a hundred times, and I can never remember it in the morning. I’ve been trying for about two years now to replicate it when I am awake. I made it up because when I first started having these dreams, I realized I couldn’t read the notes in my music book. They all looked just like weird squiggles and I couldn’t use the book at all. I guess that’s a dream thing, huh? But now, I know I’ve written a song that is nice and that I genuinely like, but I can only play it when I am dreaming.” Dan sighed.

“Teach it to me,” Phil said.

“Do you play piano?” Dan asked.

“No, but does that matter?” Phil shrugged,  gesturing to his surroundings.

“I guess not, no.” Dan agreed.

“Teach it to me, then,” Phil repeated.

Dan scooted over, patting the space next to him on the piano bench. Phil sat down and awaited instruction. They played for what felt like hours. Dan laughed whenever Phil’s hands tripped over themselves. Sometimes Phil lost his positioning, and Dan had to move his hands back where they were supposed to be. Phil started doing it on purpose, just so Dan would sigh in exasperation and gently place his hands in the correct position. He knew then, that he was in trouble. He knew also, that he was thinking far too much about how Dan’s eyes lit up when he played a part right and how the smile hadn’t left Dan’s lips from the moment he had sat down to learn this. He knew he would be back here every night until he could play this in real life.

To be honest, he had known he was in trouble from the first time he had seen Dan smile. He had had that feeling, the one where you see someone and think “you’re going to be an important part of my life some way or another, I’m just not sure how.” When Phil woke up, all he could think of was this boy, this boy who could lucid dream and have genuine interactions while Phil while he was sleeping. The boy who could control his dreams but didn’t kick Phil out. Of course, he didn’t know that Phil was  _Phil_  and not just a figment of his imagination, but still. Maybe this would be the first person he could really connect with. Maybe this was the first person he could really tell everything.


	3. Chapter 3

Phil walked into English class with his stomach in knots. He had to talk to Dan today and pretend he didn’t know him as well as he felt he did now. That was the most difficult thing about the whole dream hopping thing. You had to pretend you didn’t know people as well as you did. So today, he would have to sit there and pretend he felt like Dan was a stranger.

Dan was already at his desk, looking at his phone. When Phil walked in, he glanced up, his face lighting up with a smile as he did so.

“Hey,” Phil said as he sat down.

“Hey,” Dan said, locking his phone and putting it down.

“How are you?” Phil asked, politely.

“I’m fine. Tired. You know when you have a really involved dream and you feel like your brain was working all night and you couldn’t get a good night’s sleep?” Dan asked.

“I know the feeling all too well,” Phil replied.

“That’s what happened to me last night,” Dan answered.

“What did you dream about?” Phil asked casually.

“Music stuff,” Dan said. Phil swore he could see a blush rising in the other boys cheeks.

“Oh?” Phil said, trying to suppress a smile.

“Yeah,” Dan continued. He set his phone down and pulled the sleeves his sweater over his hands. His lips twitched upward in a small smile.

“Just music stuff?” Phil prompted, fishing for more.

“Yeah.”

He had hoped Dan would say more, but Phil really hadn’t given him much to work with, so he understood. Maybe he didn’t even remember Phil was there.

That period they were lucky enough to be paired once more to discuss what they were reading, which at least gave them a reason to talk. They stayed mostly on topic though, which in the end would be good for their grades, but didn’t help much in the “getting to know you” area. The bell rang indicating the end of class.

“Well,” Dan started, trailing off without adding another word.

“Do you um….” Phil began, the words he wanted to say resting heavy and clumsily on his tongue. Normally, when he was nervous, his words fell out in a cascade, always too fast and not well thought out. But now, they seemed like lead weights, and no amount of thinking seemed to end in a well formed sentence.

“What?” Dan asked timidly. They were both still sitting as the rest of the class filed out and the next period swarmed in to take their places.

“We have the next class together,” Phil stated.

Dan smirked. “Yes, I know.”

“So, do you, uh, want to walk there together?” Phil asked, pushing the words out with great effort.

“I don’t see why not,” Dan answered, standing up and waiting for Phil to follow suit.

Phil smiled, standing to join Dan. So he hadn’t said yes, he would like to, or that he even wanted to, but he had agreed to. Maybe it was just that it was easier to walk together since they were coming from and going to the same place and it wasn’t as awkward as silently walking next to each other but not saying anything or acknowledging each other.

They began to walk, in silence at first, but together. Phil watched out of the corner of his eye as Dan pulled his sleeves down over his hands again, so just the tips of his fingers showed. Dan looked over just in time to see Phil watching him. Phil quickly averted his eyes, but it was too late.

“What?” Dan asked defensively.

“What what?” Phil answered, his voice coated with feigned innocence.

“You were looking at me funny.” Dan said, his voice nervous.

“You were doing sweater paws,” Phil said, demonstrating by pulling his own sleeves over his hands.

“Oh.” Dan replied, looking down at his own hands. He turned back to Phil. “Is that bad?” he asked, but it seemed like more of a statement. Like Phil seemed amused by it and that it could only be in a “this kid is flippin’ weird way,” and not in a “that is very cute” way.

“No!” Phil assured him hurriedly. Then after a moments thought, he smiled and added, “It’s endearing.”

Dan’s face broke into a huge grin. “Is it?” he asked as they approached the door to their French classroom.

“Definitely,” Phil answered, his voice more quiet as to not draw attention from his other classmates as he opened the door and held it open for the other boy.

Dan blushed and muttered something as he passed Phil and headed for their desks in the back corner of the room. Phil could have sworn it was something along the lines of “holy shit” but he couldn’t be sure. He trailed behind Dan, smiling to himself the whole way.

////

Dan had said goodbye to Phil after French and gone on his own way to his next class. Phil didn’t see him at lunch. He didn’t try to talk to him in his other classes, but he did wave timidly from across the room and was met with a wave in return. He had also seen Dan after school at the bike rack, picking up an bike that looked so shiny and new, he doubted it had even been ridden more than a few times. This time, Dan had waved at him before he pushing off and pedaled away.

Now, an hour later, he was at home, his homework laid out in front of him, untouched. He was holding his phone, open to his Facebook chat with Dan. He had typed out the message and had been staring at it, the cursor blinking ominously at him while it waited for him to hit send. He had been staring at the message for what felt like years but in reality must have been five minutes. It didn’t say anything important. It didn’t even ask anything he needed to know. It was the classic “I don’t have a reason to talk to you but I really want to start a conversation” cop out. He took a deep breath and hit send.

**Phil: Hey, I forgot to write down the French assignment today, do you happen to know what it was?**

He looked down at his notebook and eyed where he had written the assignment down during class. He hoped Dan hadn’t seen him mark it down. Otherwise this would be awkward. He looked at his phone again. It said Dan had read the message. His breath caught. He wasn’t typing back. He must have seen. He felt the prickles of nervous sweat spread over his palms. He set the phone face down on the table and stood up to get water from the kitchen. Not that he really wanted any, but he did want to be as far away from that phone as possible at the moment. He took his time removing each individual piece of ice from the tray and placing it in the cup. He counted out five. He filled the cup half way, drank it, then filled it to the brim, so the water curved in a meniscus precariously. He took small careful steps back to his seat, as not to spill. He sat down and willed himself not to check the phone again. Perhaps only two minutes had passed since Dan had seen the message and Phil didn’t want to sit here and stare at the phone for how ever long it took for him to answer, but Phil knew he wouldn’t be able to focus on much else.  Maybe he was doing something important. Phil’s fingers twitched with curiosity. He needed to know if Dan had answered. He flipped over the phone and unlocked it.

**Dan: _typing….._**

Dan typed for what felt like an eternity. Phil’s heart felt like it was skipping every other beat.

**Dan: I think it’s to read the chapter 3 culture section and then answer the questions afterwards.**

Dan was right, based on what Phil had written down in class. He answered hurriedly, unsure now what to say to make this a real conversation.

**Phil: Oh ok! Thank you, you saved my life. Hope you’re having a good afternoon!**

**Dan: You’re welcome :) I’m trying to haha.**

There was a few seconds pause where Phil didn’t know what to say, but luckily Dan started typing again.

**Dan: Hey weird question but do you play piano?**

Phil felt himself grin.

**Phil: No.. Not really. I can play Chopsticks, but everyone can do that, haha.**

No answer.

**Phil: Why?**

**Dan: Idk. Just wondering.**

Phil paused a moment, wondering if Dan did remember he was there in his dream last night. He began running through his response options. He could ask Dan if he played piano, even though he knew he did. He could say nothing. He could say something like “okay, haha.” He decided to go with the first one.

**Phil: Do you?**

**Dan: Yeah. Not well though. I’m self taught haha.**

**Phil: That’s really impressive.**

**Dan: Not really ;P**

**Phil: It is! I couldn’t learn how to play piano if I tried. Lol, I wish I could.**

There was another lull in conversation once more as Dan typed. He stopped typing without sending anything. A few moments later he began typing again.

**Dan: I think you could. I could teach you if you want….**

**Dan: But like not if u don’t really want 2 lol like no pressure lol.**

Phil’s heart fluttered at the idea. Spending time with Dan was really all he wanted to do right now. It freaked him out a little bit. Ok, a lot a bit.

**Phil: Are you asking me to hang out with you?**

**Dan: Maybe.**

**Dan: You don’t have to**

**Dan: Oh god does this sound like I am trying to pay you to be my friend by giving you piano lessons?**

**Phil: I want to.**

**Dan: Oh.**

Oh no. Dan hadn’t really meant it, had he? He was upset that Phil said yes. His heart was beating a mile a minute.

**Phil: Yeah.**

**Dan: Ok**

**Dan: That’s good.**

**Dan: So….**

To say Phil was panicking a little bit would be a huge understatement. He felt just about ready to vomit. He really didn’t know what to say. He had a lot of things that he wanted to say, but he didn’t know which one was the right thing. When will we do this? How often? Does he really want to do this? Would he offer if he didn’t want to? Would Dan think he was stupid if he wasn’t good at first? Dan was typing again.

**Dan: When is good for you? to do this, I mean. Or whatever.**

**Phil: Literally whenever! I don’t have a life**

He prayed that didn’t sound desperate.

**Dan: Same tbh.**

**Dan: This might be a stretch, but how about tomorrow.**

**Phil: That definitely works for me.**

**Dan: Just right after school?**

**Phil: Sure!**

**Dan: Sounds good!**

**Phil: Yeah!**

Phil honestly felt like he was going to actually explode from nervousness. He had plans to hang out with Dan TOMORROW. This didn’t seem real. He wanted to kick himself for freaking out this bad. It was just a friendly piano lesson from a kid that had just moved here and was probably lonely and in need of some company. It was probably nothing more than that. Dan might even feel bad for him, having to stoop so low as the new kid no one knew to have any social interaction. Dan probably was already over it and would think nothing of it until Phil brought it up to him tomorrow.

Phil wished he could just skip all this nauseous excitement and just go to sleep and go about his dream stalking way. In fact, if Dan had his piano dream tonight, he could almost treat it as a practice run for tomorrow. He sighed, opened up his French textbook, and pretended that a single word he read was actually being processed by his brain.

///

Around 2AM, there was still no sign of Dan’s dream frequencies. Phil was at a loss. He knew he would pay hell for this is five hours when he had to get up, but part of him didn’t care. Part of him thought this was worth more than the eight solid hours of sleep he was supposed to be getting.

Another part of him wanted to text Dan and ask him what the hell he was doing and didn’t he know that they both needed to get up early that morning.

As if on cue, his phone buzzed.

Of course it was Dan.

**Dan: I know ur probs not even up, but i just realized i don’t have your number and well Facebook is blocked on school wifi, so i don’t know how i’ll contact you… after school tomorrow i mean.**

Phil quickly sent his number and waited a few seconds before sending another message.

**Phil: Late night for you, too?**

**Dan: Yeah haha. What’s up with you, you have a lot of homework?**

**Phil: Not really. Just can’t sleep. Some nights, it feels like i am going to miss out on something if i go to sleep.**

**Dan: I know what you mean. And the night is so peaceful.**

**Phil: Yeah, I suppose.**

**Dan: I mean if you’ve ever gone outside when at night and just sat and looked at the sky…**

 

**Dan: you know like, on a cold night and you can see your breath it’s so cold but you don’t really care**

**Dan: because the sky is so clear you feel almost like your looking a screen or a strange aquarium full of stars instead of water.**

**Dan: and the moon is so bright**

**Dan: Have you ever noticed that? The moon is so bright in the winter and fall when it’s cold out.**

**Phil: I have to be honest, I’ve never really gone outside to look late at night. Maybe  I will sometime.**

**Dan: You really should check it out. It’s really something.**

**Phil: Are you looking at it now?**

**Dan: Yeah. I’m sitting on the roof outside my window haha.**

**Phil: the roof? aren’t you scared you’ll fall?  
**

**Dan: Not really.**

**Phil: I would be.**

**Dan: Can I call you?**

Phil looked at the clock. He couldn’t believe he was about to say yes to this. Talking to someone he barely knew on the phone in the middle of the night. He hoped his parents wouldn’t hear. Then he had an idea.

**Phil: Give me one second**

**Dan: OK :)**

Phil quietly and carefully opened his window, wincing as the hinges creaked, probably to quiet for anyone else to hear, but at two in the morning, every sound felt like it was amplified through giant speakers. He took a deep breath and climbed up onto the ledge and eyed the shingled slope before him. he tentatively placed his foot out the window onto the roof, his heartbeat whooshing in his ears. He held on the window frame and walked about six more inches away from the window sill, just far enough so his voice wouldn’t travel that far into his room, and sat. He took a deep breath, releasing a dragon like plume of fog. Dan was right. It was cold.

**Phil: OK, I’m ready.**

Almost immediately his phone began to buzz with an incoming call. He hit accept.

“Hey,” he said in a hushed voice just above a whisper.

“Hi,” he heard Dan’s voice on the other line, less hushed than his own but still quiet. “What did you have to do?”

“I didn’t want my parents to hear that I was still up, so I, uh, climbed out my window, too.” Phil admitted.

“Oh. Is at as scary as you thought?” Dan said. Phil could have sworn he heard a smile in Dan’s voice.

“Yes.” Phil leaned forward slightly to look over the edge of the roof at the ground. “The ground is too far down.”

“Then don’t look at it.”

“Where am I supposed to look?” Phil asked

“Up,” Dan replied matter-of-factly.

So Phil did. Again, Dan was right. The sky was so clear it looked like glass. the moon was huge, more white than yellow tonight, and the light felt so pure. He heard someone say, “Wow.” then realized that it was himself.

“I told you,” he heard Dan say from how ever many miles away he was, looking at the same sky as Phil was.

“You did,” Phil agreed.

There was a moment of static silence shared between the two boys as they both took in the night sky.

“Dan?” Phil said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah?”

“Why are you up, really?” Phil asked, saying the words before he realized what they were. When there was no answer he added, “Sorry if I’m prying.”

“It’s ok. Tell me why you’re up, really, then, and I’ll tell you.”

“I told you,” Phil said, trying to find a way to say I didn’t want to miss out on your dreams tonight and I’m scared that if I go to sleep to far before you, I won’t be able to find you later. “I felt like something was going to happen tonight and I couldn’t sleep because I didn’t want to miss it. And here we are.”

“This isn’t much of a something, Phil,” Dan said. “At least not something worth losing sleep over.”

“Agree to disagree,” Phil answered.

“Do you get those feelings a lot?” Dan asked. “Are you psychic or something?”

“No,” Phil chuckled. He wanted to say he was something like that, but that was too creepy a thing to say during your first real conversation with someone. “Just strong intuition, I guess.”

“Maybe.”

“You still haven’t answered the question.”

“Maybe I don’t know the answer,” Dan replied quietly.

“Hmm. I think you do, but I understand if you don’t want to tell me.” Phil said, feeling bad for having made Dan uncomfortable.

“Thank you,” Dan sighed, sounding truly relieved.

Phil yawned, unable to contain his sleepiness any longer.

“Oh no, you’re tired. You don’t have to stay up just for me, Phil.”

“What if I want to?”

“What if I said I’ll go to bed now, too?”

“Then I wouldn’t believe you,” Phil said, amused.

“You got me.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Phil asked.

“it’s kind of nice just to have someone to talk to, but you’re tired and I want you to go to sleep.”

“You can still talk to me,” Phil said. “At least until I pass out.”

He heard Dan laugh on the other line.

“What?”

“You sure are willing to put up with a lot to help a stranger be happy,” Dan said, the smile present in his voice once more.

“I think 2 AM phone calls has definitely moved us out of stranger zone, Dan.”

“Probably.”

“I’m going to get into bed now. Tell me about your day or something. If I don’t answer, I’m sorry but I’ve probably fallen asleep.” Phil apologized preemptively.

So Dan just began talking about everything. What he had for dinner, what books he was reading, what music he had particularly enjoyed that day, and Phil didn’t reply to him, but he also didn’t make any effort to fall asleep. He hoped Dan would fall asleep before he did, just tire himself out talking. Dan had begun reading from a randomly selected book .

“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the

ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit

down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.” Dan’s voice, smooth and calming, came through from the other line.

There was certainly something about the way he spoke that made Phil’s stomach feel all butterfly-y and his heart feel warm and fuzzy. He could listen to Dan talk for hours. So he did. Around 3:30, Dan’s monologue had wound down. He had been quiet for about five whole minutes when he said, his voice slurred with sleepiness, “I know you’re asleep, Phil, but you’re my first friend here, and you’re already nicer to me than all my friends back home. Why are you so damn nice….”

Phil, who was also struggling to stay awake, smiled and waited for Dan to finish his thought.

“You’re so good. You’re such a good person. You have a good soul. Just good. The best. Phil Lester more like Phil Best-er.”

Phil stifled his laughter in his pillow.

“I’m going to sleep now,” Dan said to what he thought was an already sleeping Phil. “Maybe you’ll be there, again. In the piano place. I hope you’re there.”

The line went dead. Phil’s heart was in his throat. He remembered. Dan remembered the dream. He wanted Phil to be there again.  And to Phil, it wasn’t an option not to be. He would be there. Whenever Dan wanted him there, he would be.


	4. Chapter 4

“Just teach me the first part today. Like the first fifteen seconds of the song,” Phil said, sitting next to Dan at the piano. The room was a still white and endless. Dan was looking at Phil in wonder. This was the first thing Phil had said to him tonight, in the dream anyway.

“You’re here,” Dan said, astonished.

“I am,” Phil assured him.

Dan just stared at him for a moment, then realizing what he was doing, blushed.

“What?” Phil asked.

“Nothing. I just…. I don’t know. I’m surprised my brain is able to make up such a clear, realistic version of you. I haven’t known you that long, I’d think at least one detail about you would look off, but you look perfect” Dan answered, giving Phil a once over.

“Um…” Phil said, unsure how to respond.

“Sorry,” Dan blushed. “What were you saying before I…. you know.”

“ I was saying just teach me the first bit of the song tonight. So I remember it better,” Phil asked again.

“Not like it really matters,” Dan scoffed. “It’s not real.”

“Might as well humor me, though?” Phil offered.

“Yeah, might as well,” Dan agreed, obviously amused with the situation. “You know, I’m giving real Phil a real piano lesson tomorrow.”

“Yes, I know,” Phil answered, smiling.

“Sorry, I’ve forgotten you know everything I know,” Dan apologized.

“I’m sure I don’t know everything,” Phil replied, seeing an opportunity to pry.

“So you don’t know I am honestly so fucking nervous to see you tomorrow?” Dan asked, laughing.

“I do now,” Phil asked. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m nervous, too.”

“You’re not real.”

“I wish I was.”

“Me too,” Dan said, studying Phil’s face. “So, piano, huh?” He changed the subject, breaking his gaze.

“Yeah,” Phil answered. “Piano.”

This dream was much like the first, in that Phil messed up, Dan laughed and fixed him, except that by the end he could play the first fifteen seconds all by himself. The song itself was only about three minutes long. He could probably learn the whole song in twelve dreams if he kept up with this speed.

“You know,” Dan started. “You’re a really fast learner.”

“Thank you.”

“Hey, would it be ok if I-“ Dan started, but was interrupted by a horrible, tinny beep.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

“Shit, already?” Dan cursed.

Then everything was black.

///

School was horrible. Phil was tired. When he got to class, he could tell Dan was tired, too. He felt oddly shy. It was weird. He felt like he knew too much about this boy he had only spoken to a few times before in real life. There was this strange, shared sense of intimacy that didn’t feel quite real, as it had only been over the phone. It seemed as though each boy was trying to figure out if that was real.

Phil sat down next to Dan and smiled sheepishly.

“Hey,” he said, his voice quieter than he anticipated, his throat tight with fluttery nervousness.

“Hi,” Dan said, blushing. Phil noted Dan blushed an awful lot, and probably didn’t even know he did it. He hoped his face didn’t turn red as often as Dan’s. He was sure his face would be red through every single one of their conversations. “Thanks,” Dan added, “for talking to me last night.”

“Of course,” Phil answered.

“You say that like you’ve done something that’s expected of you, but really it was very nice,” Dan said, seeming almost annoyed.

Phil shrugged. “I wanted to,” was all he could muster in reply.

Dan said something under his breath.

“What?” Phil asked, unsure of whether he was meant to hear.

Slightly louder this time, Dan repeated, “I’m glad you wanted to.”

Phil’s heart felt as though it had rocketed through the ceiling. He was definitely blushing now.

///

Phil had barely exited his classroom when his phone started buzzing. It was Dan of course, probably asking to see where he was.

“Hey,” Phil said, after hitting accept.

“Hey, meet me at the bike racks, alright?” Dan said, his voice mixing with the sounds of cars and buses outside.

“Are you there already?” Phil asked, honestly impressed that Dan could be there that quickly.

“Yeah,” Dan answered, now accompanied by the clanking of metal against metal.

“Give me two seconds,” Phil said, picking up his pace.

“Alright,” Dan said, and the line went dead.

As he walked to meet Dan, he realized that he did not have a bike for himself on campus. His parents dropped him off in the morning, and his bike wasn’t in particularly good shape to begin with, so he had never even considered bringing it to school today. So now, he and Dan would have to do an awkward dance of figuring out if Dan would just walk the bike home, or maybe he had pegs on the back wheel Phil could stand on, or, possibly the most dreaded outcome, Phil would have to ride home on the handlebars. It would be fine if Phil was a lot shorter than Dan, but from what Phil could tell, Dan only had about two inches on his and that wouldn’t be enough to see over Phil sitting in front of him.

Phil was finally in view of the bike rack. He could see Dan standing there with his back to him, looking down at his phone. He had never really seen Dan from far away like this and there was something about seeing someone when they didn’t realize they were being watched. Sure, he was in the middle of at least a hundred of his classmates, but he seemed to be unaware of all of them. It was strange because the first time he had seen Dan in the front of the class, he had seemed so aware of every single pair of eyes on him. He had been shy, almost to the point of being fearful. But now, Phil supposed because Dan was not the subject of every single person around him’s attention, he seemed so relaxed. He seemed so cool. This was the first time Phil noticed how much black Dan wore. Not in a goth way or an emo way, but just in a really cool way. Today he had on a black t-shirt, which Phil had noticed had writing on it in his classes with Dan early. He had spent a long time trying to figure out what it said, because the writing was also in black and you could only really see it in certain light. He was almost annoyed when he finally was able to read it because it said “Is this black enough?” in a font horribly similar to (if not actually) Comic Sans. From where Phil stood, Dan looked too cool to be a person who had on a t-shirt with Comic Sans on the front.

When Dan turned to scan the crowd, presumably looking for him, Phil realized he had been looking too long. He hoped it wasn’t obvious that he had been standing there staring at Dan for what could have been an entire five minutes because he started walking the moment he saw Dan’s eyes fall on him, but he couldn’t be sure. He didn’t want Dan to know that he was suddenly obsessed with him. He wasn’t sure what to call it besides obsession. Sure, he had zeroed in on people because of their dreams before, but he didn’t particularly obsess about them in their waking life as well. It was purely dream based, because their dreams were so interesting, or they were stuck in a recurring nightmare loop and he wanted to help them, something along that line. But, in all honesty, Dan’s dream was only interesting when Phil was interacting with him. There was nothing objectively interesting about a person in a nowhere space playing the same song on the piano over and over again. Although, Phil was pretty sure he would sit there the whole night and watch even if he never alerted Dan to his presence. And he wasn’t sure what that was. He wasn’t sure how to justify that, or what to call it.

A smile spread across Dan’s face as Phil approached. He placed his phone back into his pocket and stood there, leaning against the bike rack, until Phil was in speaking distance.

“Hey, what took you so long?” Dan asked, removing the key to his bike lock from his pocket and leaning down to unlock his bike.

“I got, er, distracted, sorry,” Phil answered tentatively. “So, I’ve just realized I don’t have a bike with me because I’m an idiot….”

“That’s fine,” Dan replied, smiling. “I put the pegs on the back wheel last night just in case.. Unless you’d prefer handle bars.”

“No, no, no,” Phil said, shaking his head adamantly. “Pegs are fine.”

“Let’s go, then,” Dan laughed, hoping on the bike and looking back at Phil waiting.

Phil froze for a second, realizing that getting on that bike meant he would have to hold onto Dan’s shoulders, which should be nothing, really, except Phil’s stomach started to feel like he was a human soda can and someone had shaken him up. The idea of touching Dan, even just on the shoulders, made his body feel almost numb, but at the same time very, very aware of every single thing that was touching him. His hands itched. Dan had touched him in the dream, sure, but that was different. You could see it, and so you believed you felt it, but you didn’t, not really, not like this.

Dan cocked his head to the side, looking concerned. “You coming?”

Phil nodded slowly. He reached out to brace himself on Dan’s shoulders and climbed on to the pegs. Dan pushed off and began riding to his house, but Phil barely noticed. All he was aware of was how he could feel the warmth of Dan’s skin through the fabric of the t-shirt and how the tips of his fingers brushed against Dan’s collar bones sometimes when he moved his arms to turn. His hands felt tingly, not like pins and needles, but like he was touching something sacred and every atom of his body knew it. In that moment, he realized he did know what this was. He knew exactly what to call everything he felt towards this boy, this familiar stranger.

And now that he had a name for it, he almost wished he didn’t.

////

They pulled up outside of Dan’s house and Phil, feeling a mixture of reluctance and relief, let go of Dan and got off the bike. It was amazing how a small realization could change so much of how he perceived things. Every little move Dan made had been interesting before Phil realized he had a little bit of a crush on him, but now they were captivating and subject to intense scrutiny and analysis. Was Dan as disappointed as Phil to lose touch contact with the other boy? Surely not. Just as he wasn’t as painfully nervous about spending how ever much time they would end up spending together today as Phil was. Phil couldn’t possibly imagine Dan feeling this much anxiety with someone as seemingly normal as himself.

“So,” Dan said, leaning his bike up against the side of his house, “ I was thinking, we might as well do homework together because, you know, we have so many classes together. We could help each other.”

“Yeah, sure.” Phil agreed, his face feeling hot under Dan’s gaze.

“Do you want to do that before or after piano?” Dan asked.

That decision was really too much for Phil at the moment. He was still deciding if he was allowed to make eye contact with Dan now that it consciously meant so much more to him. “Um, you can choose,” he muttered.

“You ok?” Dan asked, his face twisted with concern.

“Yes, of course,” Phil replied, over enthusiastically, realizing his nervousness could come off as disinterest.

“Here, let’s go up to my room,”  Dan said, unlocking his front door and, after closing and locking it again, leading Phil up to his bedroom on the second floor.

His room was both exactly what Phil expected realistically, but also not at all what he anticipated. Part of him thought Dan would open the door and there would be the white space with the piano in the middle of it. Instead, he found that, yes, the room had white walls, or at least what could be seen between posters were white. Dan had a lot of posters, bands like Muse and Fall Out Boy, and then other things he hadn’t expected. A poster print of Van Gogh’s sunflowers was pinned up above his headboard. On the ceiling above his bed was perhaps the largest poster Phil had ever seen, he estimated it was at least as long as his own body. It was a very crisp looking photo the night sky with a full moon and a million stars.

“You really like the moon,” Phil said, pointing up. “You don’t really need to go out the roof with that, now do you.” He turned to Dan awaiting a response.

“Yeah, well, it’s not the same,” Dan answered, shrugging. “You can put your stuff on the bed.”

Phil placed his backpack on Dan’s bed, which of course, had a black duvet. He sat down on the edge and took in the rest of Dan’s room. He had both an weathered looking baby grand piano and an electric keyboard agains the wall opposite his bed. His bed was up against the wall with the window.

Phil felt weird silently taking everything in, so he turned to Dan, awaiting some direction. The other boy had busied himself with tidying the space around him more or less. It actually just looked like he was picking things up and moving them to a different spot. Phil decided as long as Dan was busy, he had permission to look about a little more. He noticed a little moleskin journal on Dan’s beside table that had some puffy paint writing across the front. The font was very small, but he was able to cipher it from where he sat if he squinted. Upon reading the title, his heartbeat quickened.

“Hey, Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“How long have you kept a dream journal for?” Phil asked, as casually as he could.

Dan spun around quickly at the question, the movement startling Phil. Once he saw that Phil was only looking at it from where he sat, he seemed to relax.

‘Oh, um, just a few years now I suppose. Three, maybe? I think I got my first one for my thirteenth birthday,” Dan answered, picking up the small book and sitting cross-legged on the floor across from where Phil sat on the bed.

“That’s cool,” Phil said, trying to think of a way to possibly get into that little book and see what Dan had written about the dreams he was in. “I find dreams to be really interesting.”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed. “They can be really weird sometimes. Do you think,” Dan began to ask before pausing for a moment, seemingly trying to formulate his thoughts. “Do you really think dreams are like.. your brain or the universe or whatever else is out there trying to tell you something? About yourself or your life, or whatever.”

Phil thought for a moment, not sure how to answer. He couldn’t say exactly what he thought on the subject, because that would give too much away. He couldn’t say, well as a member of the whatever else is out there category, I can tell you for sure that you’re dreams are definitely there to let you know stuff. So instead he said, “Yeah. I think dreams are way more important than we make them out to be. I think that sometimes, even, that other people can influence your dreams, you know? I used to think that if you thought hard enough about a person, they would dream about you,” Phil said, smirking a little at his small, almost hint at what he really wanted to say.

Dan nodded. “I like that idea,” was all he answered in response.

Phil smiled and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, unsure of what else to say.

“There’s only one thing I don’t like about dreams,” Dan said quietly.

“Yeah, what’s that, then?”

“I don’t know. They set your expectations too high. You think something that you dream about would be easy to replicate in real life, if it’s like a semi realistic dream, but it isn’t because there are too many consequences in real life, you know? And at the same time, nothing in a dream can ever be as good as if it happened in real life because it’s fleeting. You can’t keep it. When you wake up in the morning, things will be the same as when you went to bed,” Dan sighed. “Nothing you accomplish in a dream stays. You have to do it all over again the next night. It’s a cycle.”

“Yeah,” Phil agreed. Obviously, he had been talking about the song he had been trying to remember for however long he had been having the dream. “I guess I never really thought of it that way.”

“Yeah. It’s fine though. It is what it is. Want to get started on the piano thing?” Dan asked, motioning behind him to the piano.

“Yeah, sure,” Phil answered, taking a deep breath.

Dan pulled out the piano bench and patted the space next to him, giving Phil an uneasy sense of deja vu. The bench was smaller in real life than it had been in the dream. Their hips touched when they both sat facing straight forward, and Phil found it difficult to focus on anything else other than that small point of contact. He felt as though every nerve in his body had somehow migrated to that tiny portion of his skin. Dan began to show him how to position his hands, and though he knew this already from the dream, he acted as though he hadn’t the slightest idea because Dan tapped each one of his fingers as he explained the positioning, sending a little zap up Phil’s arm and directly into his heart each time.

In all honestly, he didn’t really hear a single word Dan said, but he was very aware of the presence of his voice, how it was not necessarily quieter than it normally was, but it was softer, calming in a way, it almost seemed deeper, somewhat more relaxed and confident in what he was speaking about. Phil really wished he could listen more intently than he could but his brain felt swimmy at being so close to Dan for so long. He plodded along as best he could with the song that Dan was attempted to teach him, but he wasn’t doing as well as hoped. He was focusing as hard as he could on getting the next three notes right, as well and the fact that Dan’s leg had shifted so that they were now touching all the way from hip to ankle when he realized that Dan was saying his name.

“Phil? Hello, Earth to Phil?” Phil heard as his head cleared up. enough for him to process things like a normal human.

“What? Sorry, I zoned out,” he said, shaking his head in attempt to snap himself out of it.

“I said you’re doing good job for a rookie.,” Dan repeated slowly. “And I was wondering if you wanted to take a snack break.”  

“Yes, sure ok,“ Phil answered, slightly disappointed to have to move from the spot they were in.

He followed Dan downstairs to the kitchen to pick out some food.

“I could make some grilled cheese,” Dan offered as they entered the kitchen.

Phil didn’t answer straight away, as he was deciding whether or not just to agree with Dan, or  to be difficult and tell Dan he actually despised cheese. He must have looked distressed because Dan noticed his short silence.

“What?” Dan asked, opening the cabinet.

Now he had to say something. “It’s just…. I am weird and I don’t like cheese very much… But I didn’t want to be rude..” Phil answered, embarrassed.

“That isn’t rude at all! It’s not your fault. I was just suggesting easy snack things. We could just as easily make…..” Dan paused to scan the contents of the cabinet. “Popcorn! Do you like popcorn?”

“I actually really love it,” Phil replied, relieved that Dan didn’t think he was an ass for not wanting his first suggestion. Dan took out two bags of instant popcorn and popped them each individually in the microwave. He leaned against the stove under the microwave to face Phil.

“Onomatopoeia is when something is named after what it sounds like, right?” Dan asked Phil, who was had been standing in the middle of the kitchen awkwardly waiting for Dan to be done making food.

“Uh, yeah, something like that,” he assured Dan. “Like sizzle.”

“Is microwave one?” Dan asked him, cocking his head to one side to listen to the sound of the microwave.

“No, not unless microwave is pronounced hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmDING!” Phil answered, laughing.

  
“I think it is one,” Dan said, shrugging off Phil’s reply. “Like this: Mi-cro-wave.” He traced a circle in the air with his finger as he said the word, imitating the way the tray in the microwave spun.

“Definitely not, Dan” Phil said, now busting up laughing. The microwave dinged and Dan turned to switch out the bags of popcorn, smiling like he had accomplished something. Phil had almost forgotten how nervous the boy made him until he saw that smile.

Dan tore open the bag and poured it into a big serving bowl. “You have a good laugh,” he remarked, in the same tone of voice you would say something not totally soul shattering, like “Make a left here,” or “The bathroom is the last door down the hall.” Like he was saying something that didn’t want to make Phil throw up a damn rainbow in the middle of his kitchen.

“Thanks,” he answered quietly, looking down at his shoes.

“You’re blushing,” Dan said as he walked across the kitchen to throw away the empty popcorn bag.

“Am not,” Phil insisted, though he could feel the heat in his cheeks. Why was Dan suddenly so comfortable? At school he seemed quiet, but this, this was the Dan from the phone last night. This was the Dan he knew from the dream, who said what he was thinking even though no one asked him. Maybe he had home court advantage. Dan only had to deal with hanging out with a new person while Phil had to deal with both new person and new place.

“Are too,” Dan chided just as the second bag of popcorn finished it’s go in the microwave. He poured that bag into the bowl and threw away the trash, then, after asking Phil if he wanted any water (he politely declined, even though he was kind of thirsty) made his way back up to his bedroom, Phil in tow. Upon entering his room, Dan pulled his backpack down off the bed and started unpacking his homework on the floor. “We might as well get started on this,” he motioned towards Phil’s backpack. “That way it looks like we were being productive when my parents get home.”

“Oh, yeah,” Phil agreed. He sat next to Dan and pulled his backpack down as well. He grabbed a handful of popcorn, shoved it in his mouth so he looked akin to a chipmunk, and began unpacking his homework as well.

“I’d offer you a seat besides the floor,” Dan said apologetically. “But I don’t have a desk, and the only other thing besides the piano bench is that bean bag, and it’s not very good for homework.”

Phil looked to where Dan had indicated the bean bag was and saw a large, squishy looking purple suede bean bag that would indeed, not be a very good place to do homework, as he probably would be so comfortable he would fall right asleep.

“This is just fine,” Phil said, smiling reassuringly at Dan.

“Ok, good,” Dan answered, shifting so he could like down on his stomach and rest his face in his hands as he read out of his French book. “What’s the homework tonight?”

“Um, I think another culture section,” Phil said, flipping through his notes. “Yeah the one about West Africa.”

“Want to take turns reading allowed?” Dan asked, turning the pages until he found the article Phil mentioned.

“My accent is horrible,” Phil protested.

“So is mine. We can be horrible together,” Dan said, chuckling. “Here I’ll go first.”

He cleared his throat and began to read.

“En 1977, un coureur motorcycliste français se perd dans le désert de Libye pendant un course entre Abidjan,” he began, and upon finishing the paragraph, announced, “K, Phil your turn.

Phil shook his head shyly.

“Ok, I’ll do one more, then your turn,” Dan compromised.

This cycle continued until Dan had read the entirety of the section without Phil having to utter a single word.

“My voice hurts, you know,” Dan said, eyeing Phil with a look that was half annoyance, half something softer, like he was happy to do it and would do it again.

Phil shrugged. “I told you my accent was bad.”

“Well, I don’t even know if that’s true, now, do I?” Dan said with a huff.

“No, and I don’t want you to. Anyway, you have a nice accent. And voice,” Phil added shyly.

“Do I?” Dan asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Yes. I like it,” Phil managed to say even though his heart was in his throat.

“Thank you,” Dan answered, turning to look down at his book, his hair falling to cover most of his face, though Phil could still see through Dan’s fringe that his cheeks were a few shades pinker than they had been moments before.

They worked on homework a few hours longer before Phil’s mom called and asked where he was. He only lived about 15 minutes away from Dan walking, so he insisted that he could walk home himself and didn’t need a ride from Dan’s parents. Dan walked him down to the bottom of the driveway where they both stood for a moment.

“Well. See you tomorrow,” Dan said, shoving his hands in his pockets. He was looking at his shoes.

“Yeah. And I’ll probably talk to you once I get home, too,” Phil pointed out.

“Yeah, do that,” Dan said, nodding and looking up to smile.

They both stood there. The air around them felt empty. There was an oppressive sense of something missing. It felt as if they were both waiting for something to happen, for what they were not sure. Phil could only bring himself to wave and pull away from the spot to walk home, though he felt as though there was a tether tying him down to the spot where he had stood in front of Dan, pulling him back, begging him to turn around and say something else. He looked back over his shoulder to see Dan still standing there watching him, waving once he realized Phil was looking. It was all Phil could do to wave back and keep walking. It was all he could do not to run back to the other boy and figure out what had been hanging in the air between them, figure out what that magnetic pull was.

He didn’t think he could focus on anything else until he knew.


	5. Chapter 5

And this was how it went for the next couple of weeks. Phil would go over to Dan’s house every day after school to practice piano and do homework, perfectly happy to lie on his stomach next to Dan and eat popcorn and read from their text books (though Dan did most of the reading, to be completely honest). When he got home, he could call Dan or Dan would call him and they would talk late into the night. He lost a lot of sleep and he was almost always exhausted, but something about it was worth it. He wouldn’t trade a single minute he spent talking those late nights with Dan for another minute of sleep. And even in his sleep, he was spending time with Dan, although Dan didn’t realize it. He had completely mastered the song now, but hadn’t found the right time to play it for Dan, nor the right way to explain how he knew it.

The first few weekends of their friendship they had spent apart, but talked on the phone for a few hours every day anyway. Eventually, they both had separately come to the conclusion that a day without seeing each other was a day wasted and asked each other to hang out one Saturday quite literally simultaneously during a phone call. So that began their tradition of playing MarioKart while both sitting in the big purple bean bag, smushed together as it wasn’t big enough for both of them. They played so late into the night that it eventually became their weekly MarioKart sleepover.

One night, when they had both tired of the MarioKart, but were not yet tired of being awake, Dan pulled out his headphones and his audio splitter so he could play some songs on his electric keyboard without his parents hearing. While both of them wore a pair of headphones to hear the music, it was difficult for them to hear one another while whispering, so they ended up using strange hand signs and attempting to read each others lips (a talent that Phil did not have).

In that moment, while Dan was playing a Radiohead song, Phil decided he would show Dan the thing he had been working on in secret for so many weeks now. He reached out and grabbed Dan’s hands to still them. Dan looked at him, puzzled, so Phil motioned that he was going to play something.

He played through the first few bars of the song before looking over at Dan to gauge his reaction. When he glanced sideways at his best friends face, he saw that Dan’s face was slack with complete shock and awe. He continued to play through the song, checking on Dan every few seconds to see if he was ok. By the ending notes, Dan had tears streaming down his face and pulled his head phones off, then reached over to pull off Phil’s headphones.

“How do you know that?” Dan whispered in shock.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Phil answered, upset at himself for not thinking this part through.

“I will, just tell me,” Dan pleaded.

“You have the same dream every night,” Phil answered, cryptically.

“Yes, how do you know that?” Dan answered, his face twisting in confusion.

“Because I am there,” was the only response Phil could come up with.

Dan sat silently studying Phil’s face, mouth open, shocked.

“I’m sorry,” Phil whispered, suddenly worried that Dan would feel as though Phil had violated him in some way, entering his dreams without permission.

“It’s ok,” Dan answered slowly. “Because you’re right. You were there. I just don’t understand how. Or why you never told me it was the real you. Or why you even wanted to be there in the first place.”

“I’ve been able to… go into peoples’ dreams for a long time,” Phil answered. “And I didn’t tell you it was the real me because who would believe that?”

“I kind of have to. You’re a horrible liar, Phil. I would know if you were lying. Unless you read my dream journal and decided to play some sick fucking joke on me,” Dan said, suddenly slightly angry.

“Then how would I know the song? I can’t get that from reading your journal,” Phil answered, nervously.

“Oh.” Dan answered, nodding.

Neither boy spoke for a few minutes.

“Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Why? Why every night since I’ve met you? You see me every day, you come over every day, you sleep over every weekend, we talk on the phone until we fall asleep, why do you feel the need to see me even while you’re dreaming? Aren’t you fucking tired of me?” Dan asked, his eyes welling up with tears.

“Never,” Phil answered quietly, reaching out to hold the other boys hands in his. They were sitting close together on the piano bench, but had turned to face each other, Dan crosslegged and Phil with one leg on either side of the bench. Dan looked down, avoiding Phil’s gaze. Phil reached up and pushed Dan’s hair back from his face.

“Why?” Dan asked again, quieter than ever.

“Because,” Phil answered. “Because I really, really like you, Dan. Because you’re the best person I’ve ever met. Because you’re my favorite.”

Dan smiled, turning a bright shade of red. He mumbled something that Phil couldn’t quite make out.

 

“What did you say?” he asked gently.

“You’re my favorite, too,” Dan repeated, not making eye contact.

Phil cupped Dan’s face with his hand, lifting it so Dan would have little choice but to look at him. “I’m glad,” he said with a smile. “That I’m your favorite, too, I mean.”

“How couldn’t you be?” Dan asked, leaning into Phil’s hand, almost to the point of nuzzling it.

“You’re cute,” Phil whispered, his smile growing wider.

“So are you,” Dan replied. “Especially when you smile and do that thing that you’re doing with your tongue.”

“What thing?” Phil asked, confused.

“You stick you’re tongue out between your teeth when you smile really big,” Dan said. “It’s endearing,” he added after a pause.

“You’re endearing,” Phil replied, feigning offence.

“Hey, Phil?”

“What?”

“Would it be ok if I, um….” Dan trailed off. Phil’s heart leapt to his stomach. It was like that dream so many weeks ago where Dan had been cut off by the alarm clock. The same exact wording. Phil had been wondering what he had been going to say for weeks now, and now he may finally find out.

“What? Would it be ok if you what?” Phil asked impatiently.

“Kissed you,” Dan said almost inaudibly.

“What?” Phil said, his stomaching filling instantly with butterflies.

“Would it be ok if I kissed you?” Dan asked again, eyes pointing down towards the floor.

“Look at me,” Phil whispered. Dan raised his eyes tentatively to meet Phil’s, his look uncertain and nervous. Phil nodded ever so slightly in response to Dan’s question.

Dan brought his hands up to Phil’s face, leaning in so their noses were nearly touching, stopping short. Phil could hear Dan’s nervous breathing, quick and ragged. Dan moved so their foreheads were pressed together, too scared to close the distance between their lips.

“This changes everything, you know,” Dan whispered, closing his eyes.

“Not really,” Phil whispered back. “This is where this has always been headed, isn’t it?”

Dan nodded, not opening his eyes. Phil ran his hand through Dan’s hair, bringing it to rest at the back of his head. He took matters into his own hands, pulling Dan closer and finally pressed his lips to Dan’s, softly and carefully. He felt Dan’s lips break into a smile against his own. Dan broke away from the kiss and pulled Phil into a tight hug.

“Can I say something?” Dan asked.

“Of course,” Phil answered, resting his head on Dan’s shoulder.

“I think I really love you, Phil Lester,” Dan said softly, squeezing Phil tighter.

Phil felt like he had had all the wind knocked out of him. He had never felt so honestly full of joy in his whole life. He felt Dan’s body go rigid at his silence, nervously waiting.

“I really love you, too,” Phil answered. He pulled away to look at Dan so he knew he really meant it. “I really do.”

Dan kissed him again, longer this time. Phil’s whole body felt as though he was vibrating, as if he were about to explode from happiness.

That night, Dan fell asleep before Phil did, but Phil wasn’t in a hurry to catch up to Dan in his dreams. Normally, Dan gave Phil the bed and he slept on his bean bag, arguing that Phil was the guest and so he should have the most comfortable spot. Tonight, Dan had fallen asleep in the bed, his arms wrapped around Phil. They hadn’t planned it, but Phil was glad it happened. He lay awake a while longer, watching Dan’s chest rise and fall with the slow breathing of sleep. He looked out the window and saw the moon, full as it had been the first night he had spoken to Dan on the phone. It cast a crisp, white light over the bed and onto Dan’s face. Phil sighed happily as he settled into bed next to his best friend, or whatever they were now, and rest his head on Dan’s chest. Dan stirred from his sleep for a moment, tightening his arms around Phil and pressing his lips to the top of his head in a sleepy kiss. Phil lifted his head to kiss Dan on the cheek then settled back into where he lay. Dan tilted his head to rest his cheek on the top of Phil’s head.

“Is this real?” Dan mumbled sleepily.

“Yes,” Phil replied quietly. “It’s very real.”

“For a second, I thought it was only a dream,” Dan continued, his voice heavy with drowsiness.

“I can arrange that,” Phil joked, laughing softly.

“Good. I want to see you every second, awake or asleep,” Dan continued, yawning the last few words.

“I’ll be there,” Phil assured him.

“Good, because I really do love you,” Dan said before kissing the top of Phil’s head again and sighing contently.

“I love you, too, Dan,” Phil whispered, closing his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I am really hoping that Chapter 6 will be here soon, it's about halfway written, but you know midterms are happening right now so that's not a super fun time and I don't have a lot of time outside of studying. I am hoping to have the chapter up by the end of this week. Also, I lowkey have a little bit of a case of writer's block so don't hate me I'm trying, and trying rhymes with dying, so I am also dying.   
> But yeah, I appreciate your patience and I love you guys. Thank you for being so supportive/positive with this fic. It's really made me happy this past month  
> xoxo  
> Heather


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one is less PG than the other chapters, but it is not XXX. Still kind of innocent, but also less so.

For the first time in weeks, Phil had a good night’s sleep. Dan’s parents were good about letting them sleep in the morning, unlike Phil’s own parents who barged into his room around eleven in the morning having decided that he had had enough of a lay in and that if he stayed up to late that was his own problem. This was also good because he didn’tknow how Dan’s parents would react to walk in a find that their son and his new best friend were cuddled up in bed together in a way that didn’t exactly look platonic. Dan still had his arms wrapped around Phil when he woke thatmorning, or late afternoon rather. Part of Phil was happy to have the physical evidence that what had happened last night was real, but another part of him was upset because he really had to go to the bathroom and didn’t know how to get out of the bed without waking Dan. Dan was a pretty heavy sleeper, given the fact that he really needed the little sleep he did get, with his sleep schedule. He gently lifted the other boy’s arm and slipped out of the bed, tip toeing to the door, opening it quietly, and padded down the hallway to the bathroom. 

When he returned to the bedroom, he found Dan, awake now, frantically looking around the room. 

 

“Oh my god, there you are,” he said, sighing and flopping backwards into the mattress. 

 

“Sorry, I had to use the bathroom,” Phil said, shrugging and smiling at the surge of fear that Dan had felt in his absence. He knew that sounded terrible, but it was nice to know he was wanted. 

 

Dan lay his arm over his eyes to block out the light. “I thought for a moment, I had dreamt it all,” Dan, almost as though he was talking to himself. 

 

Phil had the idea to pretend he didn’t know what Dan was talking about. He didn’t know what inspired him, but he really wanted to know what Dan’s reaction would be. With Dan’s eyes still covered, he found himself smiling mischievously while asking, “Thought what was a dream?” 

 

Phil quickly feigned confusion as Dan sat up quickly, looking at him very concerned. 

 

“Last night, you spoon,” he answered, tentatively. 

 

“What last night?” Phil asked again, fighting the urge to smile.

 

“You know, the…. And you… And then,” Dan’s hand found a resting place where Phil had lain only minutes before, as if he could tell if Phil had really slept there just through feeling the sheets. Dan looking around the room searching for evidence that Phil had slept anywhere else, and finding the rest of the room untouched, he furrowed his brow and looked at Phil once more. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

 

“I’m afraid I don’t,” Phil continued, sitting down on the edge of the bed just next to Dan. 

 

“Phil!” Dan said, aiming for an annoyed tone, but his eyes said something else, something more like fear. 

 

“Oh!,” Phil exclaimed, pretending to have had a sudden revelation. “You mean this!” He leaned forward and kissed Dan full on the lips, feeling the other boy relax at his touch. He pulled back and chuckled, their faces still only inches apart. 

 

“I hate you and you have morning breath,” Dan said softly, his huge smile saying otherwise. 

 

“You know, your breath isn’t exactly rose-y,” Phil answered, wrinkling his nose in mock disgust. “You don’t _really_ hate me, Dan.” 

 

“I do!”

 

“Do not!” 

 

“You have no proof otherwise.”

 

“Yes, I do. You said it. You said you love me,” Philsaid, poking Dan in the stomach with each word. “ You love me,” he added again in a sing song voice. 

 

“No.”

 

“You’ve said it twice!” 

 

“At this rate, those two times might be the only time I say it!” 

 

Phil pushed his lower lip out in a pout. “Dan….” 

 

“Fineiloveyou,” Dan mumbled, flipping over and lying down face first in his pillow.

 

“What was that?”Phil asked, knowing what Dan had said but wanting to hear him say it clearly. 

 

“MMM MMVV OOO” Dan said loudly, muffled by the pillow in his face. 

 

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that?” Phil replied, laughing. 

 

Dan turned his head so his face was squished by the pillow and he looked like half a chipmunk, but his mouth was unobstructed. “I. Love. You. Phil. Do not making me say it again, or else.”

 

“Or else what?” Phil asked.

 

“I’ll cut off your nose,” Dan said closing his eyes and nuzzling into the pillow. His hand reached out and searching for Phil’s and upon finding it, he brought it into his chest and cuddled it like a teddy bear. 

 

“Then I’ll look like Voldemort,” Phil said, lying down next to him so Dan could hold his hand more comfortably. 

 

“Voldemort is quite fit to be honest,” Dan answered, shrugging. 

 

“I kind of already look like Voldemort.”

“I’d bang Voldemort,” Dan said. Upon realizing what he how forward he’d just been,his eyes rocketed open. “I mean…. Uh…. Just kidding.” 

 

“Was that a proposition, Dan?” Phil said, reveling in the blush that rose to Dan’s cheeks. 

 

“No… Not unless you want it to be. It would be a pretty lame proposal, to be honest,” Dan said. 

 

“Yeah,” Phil agreed, smiling. 

 

“Hypothetically,” Dan began tentatively, “If it had been a proposition, would you have said yes?”

 

“If you had hypothetically hinted at wanting to bang me by saying you wanted to bang Voldemort, who I bear a likeness to, would I agree to bang you, is that what you mean?” Phil asked, enjoying Dan’s somewhat uncharacteristic bashfulness.  

 

“Forget I asked,” Dan said, hiding his smile by burying his face in his pillow. Phil scooted up closer to the other boy, pulling him in closer to his body, nuzzling his face into Dan’s hair, taking in a deep breath. “Are you sniffing me?” Dan’s voice came muffled. 

 

“Yes.” Phil answered, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks. 

 

“Why?” His voice was monotone, but Phil could sense a smile lying underneath it. 

 

“Because you smell nice,” Phil answered, kissing the other boy’s head. 

 

“Oh yeah, like what?” Dan asked, pulling his head back to look up at Phil. 

 

“I don’t know. Like Dan,” Phil replied shrugging. 

 

“That isn’t a real answer,” Dan said, furrowing his brow as he pouted. 

 

“It’s hard to explain.”

 

“Try.”

 

“It’s going to sound so pretentious.”

 

“Maybe I like pretentious.”

 

“Ok,” Phil began, thinking hard. He remembered his first impression of Dan, how he was warm, like hot chocolate on a cold day. He’d begin with that. “You know…. You know when you drink sometime really warm when it’s really cold you?” Dan nodded. “You smell like that feels.”

 

Dan rose his eyebrow at the description. “Ok….”

 

“I told you it was going to be pretentious!!” 

 

“Yeah, well…” Dan said, shrugging. 

 

“No, shut up, you don’t get to do this now,” Phil said, playfully slapping it Dan.

 

“It was pretty rom-com, Phil, I’m not going to lie,” Dan said, trying to maintain a weirded out expression, but a smile slipped through his facade.

 

“You’re kidding, you liked it, you thought it was cute,” Phil prodded, jabbing Dan’s chest with each word. 

 

“Ehhhh,” Dan answered, swatting Phil’s hand away. “Maybe.” 

 

“Ok, if I'm so pretentious, you try describing what I smell like without being an ass,” Phil challenged. 

 

“Ok. You smell like laundry detergent. Sometimes like breath mints. Sometimes like hair product.” Dan reached up and ruffled Phil’s hair.

 

‘Hey, rude, not allowed,” Phil said, desperately trying to get his hair lay down nicely again. 

 

“Happy.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You smell like happy,” Dan repeated. 

 

“Oh.”

 

“Did I sound like an ass?” 

 

“No, not really. The opposite.”

 

“What’s the opposite of an ass?” Dan asked, smirking.

 

“You’re face,” Phil replied automatically.

 

“Well, you aren’t wrong,” Dan smiled at him. “You’re a dork, you know. I like you.” 

 

Phil leant in a kissed the other boy, but this time neither of them pulled away out of shyness or being unsure of how long a kiss was acceptable. Dan ran his hands down Phil’s back lazily, while pulling him ever closer to him. Phil felt dizzy with how close Dan was, with how little of their bodies weren’t touching as opposed to the other way around. Before, he could just focus on a tiny spot where their legs touched or where their hands brushed together, but now, with his whole body pressed against Dan’s, he felt overwhelmed. Had the small contact felt electric before, this felt like lightening, or rather the way the air felt just before you saw a flash go through the clouds. Phil felt positively drugged, his head swimming, his eyelids heavy. He wanted to keep his eyes closed and let himself be taken over entirely by the overwhelming sensation of being so close to Dan, but at the same time, he wanted to see his face, wanted to see how Dan’s body moved against his. As if reading his mind, Dan pushed Phil so he lay on his back rather than his side and straddled him, barely letting his lip’s leave Phil’s for more than a second. He felt Dan’s hands skim down his chest, then push his shirt up exposing his bare skin. Dan ran his hands up Phil’s chest, making Phil’s breath hitch. He could feel Dan’s lips smile against his own in response. This didn’t seem fair, Phil thought, that Dan was getting to have all this fun watching him fall apart while he remained seemingly unscathed. Phil wrapped one arm around Dan’s waist, placing the other behind his head and rolled so Dan suddenly found himself beneath Phil. Phil pulled away to see a look of surprise on Dan’s face. Phil smiled, sticking his tongue through his teeth slightly as he did so. As he straddled Dan, it became much more obvious just how into this he actually was, and as he was wearing rather lose fitting pajama pants, there wasn’t much Phil could do to hide it but lean forward and kiss Dan again so his line of vision was blocked. Phil knew that was sort of the whole point of this, but no one had ever seen him with a hard on before, at least not on purpose. He knew it was childish, but the prospect of Dan seeing it made him feel self conscious. Dan feeling it, on the other hand, was somewhat unavoidable. Dan pushed him back momentarily and raised his eyebrows at Phil suggestively while glancing downwards as if he was trying to steal a glance. 

 

“Shut up,” Phil whispered, his voice husky. 

 

“Didn’t say anything,” Dan said, grinning devilishly. 

 

Phil leaned down and kissed Dan’s cheek, then skimmed his lips over to Dan’s ear and whispered “Yeah, but you were thinking something.” 

 

He felt Dan shudder at the feeling of his breath against his ear, so he decided to investigate further, biting at Dan’s earlobe softly, drawing a sharp hiss out of Dan. He kissed Dan’s jawbone, then his neck, leaving a trail of small kisses, pausing once to nibble lightly. 

 

“Fuck,” Dan breathed, bringing his hands up to Phil’s back as though to hold him in place. Phil repeated the action. 

 

“Shit, Phil,” Dan moaned quietly, digging his nails into Phil’s back and grinding his hips upwards into the other boy’s. Phil hummed his response, not letting his lips leave Dan’s neck. He was surely going to have a hickey he would have to cover up or explain away some how, but with the way he was responding, Phil wasn’t sure that Dan cared. 

 

In that moment, Phil’s phone began to buzz.

 

“Dammit.”He looked at the screen to see his mother’s name flashing across the screen. Great timing, Mum. He pressed accept, not moving from where he sat on top of Dan. 

 

“Hi, Mum.” He looked at Dan, who was sat wide eyed under him, and mouthed, “Sorry.”

 

“Hi, Phil. It’s nearly dinner time. Will you be coming home soon?”

 

His heart sank. He knew that was his mother’s way of telling him it was time to go home without actually saying he had to. It seemed like she wanted him to feel like an adult, like he had a choice in the matter, but he knew he really didn’t.

 

“I can be home in 20 minutes, is that alright?” Phil asked, thinking maybe he could squeeze in five more minutes of kissing before he started the walk home. 

 

“Could you maybe be home in fifteen?”

 

Phil rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Ok, I’ll be home in fifteen minutes.”

 

“Thank you, Phil. I love you, see you soon.”

 

“You, too,” he replied before hanging up the phone. He sat there, still on top of Dan, sighed, and flopped forward, squashing Dan under him. 

 

“You have to go?” 

 

“Yeah,” Phil said flatly.

 

“Oh, ok,” Dan answered. 

 

“And we were just getting to the good part,” Phil said, propping himself up and kissing Dan on the tip of his nose. 

 

“Honestly, a tragedy,” Dan agreed. “You should get your stuff together.” 

 

Phil nodded and stood up, gathering the few possessions he had bothered to bring with him. He usually just ended up borrowing Dan’s pajamas when he went over. While Phil was gathering his things, Dan had walked over to the mirror and was trying to make himself look not half-fucked so he could walk through the house. 

 

“A hickey? Really, Phil? Are we 13 and playing seven minutes in heaven?” Dan said, attempting to pull the collar of his t-shirt up to hide it. 

 

“No, but we are sixteen and dry humping,” Phil retorted. “Anyway, you didn’t give me any indication that I should stop. If anything, you were encouraging it.” He set the bag of things down on the bed and walked up behind Dan, wrapping his arms around him while making eye contact with him in the mirror. He decided he didn’t care if he was a few minutes late. He nuzzled his face in the crook of Dan’s neck, kissing lightly where the hickey darkened his skin. 

 

“Hey, you need to leave,” Dan said, not sounding very convincing. 

 

“I know.”

 

There was a silence in the room as neither of them made a motion to leave. 

 

“Phil?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“What are we doing?” 

 

“Hugging,” Phil answered, squeezing Dan tighter. 

 

Dan turned in his arms to face him. “No, I mean this.”

“Oh.” 

 

“Are we like-“ Dan began. Phil cut him off.

 

“Dating?” 

 

“Yeah, are we dating?”

 

Phil brushed Dan’s hair from his forehead before asking, “What do you think?”

 

“I think we are,” Dan said quietly. watching Phil’s face closely for a reaction. 

 

“Yeah, me too,” Phil agreed. 

 

Dan broke into a smile, kissing Phil quickly, then hopping happily over to his bed to pick up Phil’s things. 

 

Phil reached out, excepting Dan to hand them to him. 

 

“I’ve got it.”

 

“Why?” Phil asked confused. 

 

“Let me be a gentlemen. Gentlemen carry their boyfriend’s things to the door,” Dan insisted, smiling. 

 

The word boyfriend hung in Phil’s mind. His heart latched onto it, though it didn’t feel real. He was Dan’s boyfriend. And Dan was his. He wanted to say it out loud over and over again, just to hear it outside the space of his mind, to make it feel solid. Instead, he smiled and smacked Dan’s bum before walking to the door. “They say chivalry is dead,” Phil said, before motioning at Dan as he walked towards him carrying his things. “But here you are.”

 

“Actually shut up,” Dan said, walking down the hall. Mr. and Mrs. Howell were in the sitting room watching a movie, so the boys chose not to disturb them as they exited the house. Phil was glad of that, sure they would look at him standing next to their son and immediately know something was different, somehow see how the ties that invisibly connected him to Dan had changed. He didn’t know how they would take that, and he wasn’t sure he was ready to find out. 

 

On the doorstep, Dan handed Phil his bag and pulled him in for a hug as had become customary, but this time, he whispered, “I love you, Phil.” 

 

“I love you, too.” 

 

Dan kissed him lightly and quickly on the lips, then took Phil’s hand in his and squeezed it. “I would very much like to make out with you right now, but I think if my parent saw, they might not be so keen on you sleeping over anymore.”

 

“I completely understand,” Phil nodded. Anyway, he thought, if they don’t suspect anything, he and Dan could definitely get away with a lot more at sleepovers. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Dan said, dropping Phil’s hand. 

 

“Will you miss me?” Phil called back jokingly as he walked down the drive way.

 

“Oh, trust me, I do already,” Dan answering laughing. 

 

Phil walked away grinning like an idiot. When he got to the first turn on his walk home, he looked back and saw Dan was still standing there, too, with the same stupid grin plastered on his face. Phil wanted to run back, to kiss that smile off his face, to properly snog like there was no tomorrow, but he knew there was a tomorrow, and they would probably find away to work making out into it. Phil pulled out his phone before turning the corner.

 

**Phil: You know, this is pretty much the best day of my life.**

 

**Dan: _typing…._**

 

**Dan: What a coincidence, it’s the best day of mine, too.**

 

**Dan: You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.**

 

Phil felt like he was smiling so hard his face would crack in half. He never knew he could be this happy, but he was sure glad he did now. 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long, I have been really busy with school and will try to post more regularly. I am also sorry this one is shorter than normal, but I am just trying to get back into the swing of writing. I had pretty bad writers block to be honest.

Phil walked into his house twenty-two minutes after he had hung up the phone with his mother. He had lallygagged a little, but it wasn’t a huge deal. 

 

“There you are,” his mother called down the hall as he closed the door. He walked into the kitchen to find her chopping vegetables for what looked like a salad. “I was worried sick about you. You’re late.”  


“Sorry, Mum, you didn’t give me much time to pack up,” Phil responded, placing his bag on one of the kitchen chairs. 

 

“I would like to talk to you.”

 

The phrase hung in the air, Phil’s chest tightening. It couldn’t possibly be about what he was afraid it was about. The development was too new, she couldn’t possibly know. He had always heard about moms who were omnipresent and knew everything their child did before they did it, but his mother was never one of those. She barely knew what he got up to five years ago, let alone what he got up to this week. 

 

“What’s up, Mum,” he asked, busying himself with getting a glass of water.

 

“You’ve been spending a lot of time at this Dan’s house,” she began. 

He nodded. 

 

“I’ve never met Dan,” she continued, scrapping some chopped tomatoes off the cutting board and into the bowl next to it on the counter. Phil grimaced. He hated tomatoes and any dinner that involved tomatoes. “So how am I supposed to know that’s where you really are every weekend and weeknight and god knows when else?” 

 

“I can give you his parent’s phone number, if you like,” Phil offered not really sure where she was going with this. Where else would he be beside’s Dan’s.

 

“I want to trust you. I don’t want it to come to that. But you’ve never really been a person that stays over at people’s houses that often, and to be honest, I don’t think I can remember the last time you’ve had a best, best friend, besides maybe Chris or Louise, but you aren’t at theirs all the time,” his mum rambled. 

 

“What are you trying to say, Mum?” Phil asked, utterly lost. 

 

“You’re at an age where I wouldn’t be surprised if you were sneaking out to see girls,” she said with a sigh. “And a suppose I am worried all this time you have been quote unquote spending with Danhas been, I don’t know, a cover that you use to go see girls… and spend the night with them. And I just want to know the truth, that Dan is real, and that he is not, you know, a ruse.”

 

Phil actually laughed out loud. “Mum, Dan is very real. I am not sneaking around with girls,” he said. _I am sneaking around with Dan, though,_ he added silently, amused with himself. 

 

‘Well, in that case, I thought maybe you could have him over for dinner. Tomorrow. Or the day after. Just let me know when, because I want to make something nice. He must be something special if he managed to steal our son away from us like he did,” she responded, seemingly more at ease. Apparently, it hadn’t crossed her mind that Phil was interested in Dan in more ways than one. 

 

“Yeah, alright, I’ll text him,” Phil agreed, picking up his things from the table and making his way up to his room. 

 

“Dinner soon, so don’t get too busy up there,” his mother called after him. 

 

“I won’t,” he assured her. 

 

Phil pulled his phone out of his pocket the moment he closed his bedroom door, plopping his stuff on the floor and himself on his bed. 

 

**Phil: Sooo…. Looks like mum wanted me home so quick so she could have a little talk with me**

 

**Dan: _typing……._**

 

**Dan: ABOUT?**

 

**Phil: U ready for this? It’s big**

 

**Dan: YES JUST TELL ME**

 

Phil laughed. He knew it was mean to make Dan nervous like this, but he couldn’t resist. 

 

**Phil: She wanted to talk to me about what i’ve been doing on the weekends….. apparently she thinks i’ve been staying over at your house so much because…..**

 

**Dan: Because what????**

 

**Phil: She thinks you’re a friend I have made an agreement with and I just say I am staying at your house when really i am staying the night with girls and doing other nefarious and sinful acts.**

 

**Dan: Oh my god**

 

**Dan: Not even close**

 

**Dan: Well.**

 

**Dan: Sort of close ;)**

 

**Phil: So i offered to give her your parents number**

 

**Dan: Noooooo we don’t want our parents to be friends**

 

**Phil: But she said that that would be the last resort.**

 

**Dan: Well what’s the first resort?**

 

**Phil: She wants you to come over for dinner**

 

**Dan: Oh no**

 

**Phil: tomorrow**

 

**Dan: Oh NO**

 

**Phil: and it will probably have tomatoes**

 

**Dan: I can’t do tomatoes**

 

**Dan: Is it really time to meet the parents already? This is going so fast.**

 

**Phil: Literally, I already met ur parents it isn’t so bad**

 

**Phil: any way, it’s not like they KNOW.**

 

**Phil: So, can I tell her you’re coming?**

 

**Dan:……. Do I have to?**

 

**Phil: Yes.**

 

**Dan: Ok…. But you owe me**

 

**Phil: I am sure I can find a way to make it up to you**

**Phil: ;] ;] ;] ;] ;]**

 

**Dan: Shut up**

 

Phil felt the smile spread across his face as he tapped out a text to his mom. 

 

**Phil: Dan said he can come tomorrow**

 

**Mum: Any special requests for dinner then**

 

**Phil: No tomatoes, he hates tomatoes.**

 

**Mum: Note taken**

**  
**

Phil went to bed relatively early that night based on his new Dan-based sleep schedule, around ten o’clock. He was tired. He felt like he had lived and entire life time since the morning the day before, before anything had really happened. He had school the next morning and he didn’t want to be dead the next day. He had been tired in most his classes since meeting Dan and his teachers were beginning to notice. Not the fact that Dan was the reason, but that he wasn’t as chipper as he normally was during lessons. He didn’t want his mother to enforce a curfew if the teachers decided to talk to his parents about the issue, so he decided to try and nip the habit of staying up until three every night waiting for Dan in the bud. He had been asleep for a few hours when he was awoken by his phone buzzing. 

 

**Dan: I know you’re asleep but i really miss you.**

 

**Dan: I wish you were here.**

 

**Dan: I’m going to bed now.**

 

Despite being dead tired and still half asleep, Phil tried his best to reach out and find Dan’s wavelength. He had only texted him a few minutes ago, but when Dan was ready to sleep, he fell asleep fast. Phil found him almost immediately, working his way into the beginnings of the dream. 

 

He expected it to be as it always was, the white nothingness, the piano, Dan. Instead, he found Dan’s room, just as it was in real life, the moon filtering through the window on to Dan’s bed. There in Dan’s bed was Dan, his eyes shut, his arms wrapped around a dream version of Phil. Phil walked over to the dream version of himself, mildly creeped out. He reached out tentatively and poked himself. Dan’s eyes opened up just as Phil made contact with his dream-self, the fake version of Phil disintegrating just as soon as Dan laid his eyes on the real Phil. 

 

“Hey,” Dan said, his voice husky with sleep even in his dream. 

 

“Hey,” Phil answered, smiling down at Dan. “Are you really just dreaming about sleeping in the same bed as me?” 

 

“I guess I am,” he responded. ‘Hey!” he exclaimed, looking around excitedly. “This is a new dream! You broke the piano dream!” 

 

“I guess I did,” Phil said, shrugging. 

 

“Lie down,” Dan said, patting the bed next to him. 

 

Phil did as he asked. Dan wrapped his arms around him and tangled his legs with Phil’s. He kissed Phil on the nose, then pulled the boy closer to him.

 

“Dan, this is a dream. We can do anything in the world. We don’t have to just lie here in bed, we can do that in real life,” Phil said, pulling away from Dan’s chest to look at him. 

 

“This is what I want to do.”

 

“Out of anything ever in your imagination?” Phil said, in slight disbelief. 

 

“I just want this right now. Give me a million options, I’d choose this. The only thing that would make this better would be if you kissed me,” Dan assured him. 

 

“If only I could make that happen,” Phil said, teasingly moving his face in closer to Dan’s, then pulling away when the other boy tried to close the space between them. 

 

“Just shut up and kiss me, you spoon,” Dan huffed. 

 

“If you insist,” Phil said, kissing Dan softly. 

 

“Oh, I do,” Dan whispered against the other boy’s lips. 

 

Phil really, really hoped this became Dan’s next recurring dream. He could definitely get used to it. 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

Phil awoke that morning and was immediately stricken with two less than calming thoughts. The first was that this was the day Dan would come to meet the parents, though Phil’s parents were blissfully unaware of the significance of this event. The second was that this was the first day he and Dan would go to school as an item. Not that there wasn’t buzz around school about them already, there more definitely was, but it was just harmless speculation. He was suspicious that maybe Chris, resenting Dan for taking up all of Phil’s time, may have started the rumor out of spite. Not that Phil blamed him, Chris was used to being Phil’s connection to the social world. They weren’t best friends by any means, but it was the closest thing Phil had had to a best friend before Dan had come along. All Chris would have had to do to get the rumor mill going was say something like, “Eh, Phil and that Dan seem to be getting pretty close, if you know what I mean,” to Louise, and it would have gone like a domino effect. He would have to pop into Chris’s dreams soon and grill him about what he though and see if he really was the culprit. But that could wait until another day. 

It wasn’t that Phil was embarrassed of Dan at all. In fact, if he could, he would walk up to every single person he saw, present Dan to them like a piece of art and say look at this guy, I am lucky enough to be dating THIS GUY. But part of him knew they couldn’t risk being that public. He couldn’t risk some kid telling their parents, and those parents happening to be friends with his own or Dan’s and then his own parent’s finding out some how through the grape vine. If he was completely honest, Dan’s parent’s probably already suspected something, and if they didn’t, well, then they the most oblivious humans on the planet ever.

He just hoped Dan didn't expect him to be all lovey dovey at school. Phil was sure Dan would understand, but he still hoped that he wasn’t going to be letting Dan down by wanting to keep things under wraps. 

 

Phil got ready for school, his stomach doing flips with excitement and nervousness. Part of his mind thought that when he got to school, Dan would have changed his mind about him and decided he would rather just be friends, though every interaction Phil had had with him pointed to the exact opposite. He supposed it was because now that he had what he wanted, the worst thing that could happen would be to have it taken away. He knew it wouldn’t be, but just the possibility that it could be made him a little sick to his stomach. 

 

/// 

 

He arrived at school just as he did everyday, with very little time to spare. He hurried to his English class unaccompanied. Dan was usually there before he was, so Phil wasn’t surprised to see him sat in his desk when he entered the room just morning before the bell. He felt a heat rise to his cheeks as a smile he just couldn’t seem to control spread across his face.

 

Dan smiled back at him as he walked past. Phil ruffled Dan’s hair before turning around and taking his seat. Dan shot him a look as he tried to arrange his hair back to the way it had looked before. He had no doubt spent a long time styling that morning, Phil thought, he always did. 

 

Chris walked in a few moments after the bell rang, and seeing that the teacher had yet to enter the room, hurried to his seat at mach speed. 

 

“You two are awful smiley,” Chris whispered, leaning forwards in his desk and raising his eyebrows at the other two boys. 

 

“It’s a good day, we’re alive to see it, why not be smiley,” Phil said. 

 

“It’s a Monday, Phil. Normally you are like fucking Garfield on Mondays,” Chris argued. 

 

“Yeah, you’re normally pretty grumpy on Mondays,” Dan agreed.

 

“Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side,” Phil whined, pouting at Dan. 

 

“Oh, why’s that then?” Chris asked, smiling as though he knew something. 

 

Dan looked at Phil, eyes as wide as saucers. He must have sensed that Chris was fishing for information as well. 

 

“Nothing,” they both side simultaneously, not breaking eye contact. 

 

“What are you, the twins from The Shining,” Chris said, looking mildly creeped out. 

 

“No,” they both responded, then looked at each other, whispering “Stop!” simultaneously once more. 

 

“You guys are creepy, stop talking,” Chris urged, just as the teacher walked in. 

 

The class went as it normally did. Dan and Phil pushed their desks together to discuss the chapters that they had read. They may have squished the desk together a little closer than they had previously, leaning against each other as they worked. 

 

“I want to ask you something,” Dan whispered under the murmur of their other classmates speaking.

 

“Hm?” Phil responded, jotting down something in his notebook. 

 

“What’s our plan with the whole PDA thing? Because I think it should be at a minimum. Not that I am embarrassed of you or anything, not at all, it’s just I’m already stressed out about being the new kid, I don’t want to be the new gay kid on top of that, you know?” Dan rambled, sure to keep his voice low enough for only Phil to hear him. 

 

“I completely agree,” Phil nodded, scanning the room making sure no one was paying excess attention to them. “Maybe one day, but not right now. Anyway, we haven’t really had a same sex couple here before, at least not openly. I don’t know how the kids would handle it, to be completely honest. They seem pretty nice, but you never know until the situation arises.” 

 

Dan nodded, “I hadn’t even thought of that. I mean, I hadn’t heard of any couples, but it never crossed my mind that we may be the only ones willing to be open about it.” 

 

“Let’s just test the waters for a bit, if it ever seems like a good idea, then we will. But I don’t mind keeping you all to myself for a while if you don’t,” Phil whispered, raising his eyebrows suggestively. 

 

“Shhh,” Dan warned, swatting at Phil’s shoulder. 

 

“You love me,” Phil said, turning back to his notes. 

 

“Yeah,” Dan agreed, reaching out to squeeze Phil’s hand for just a fraction of a second, then turning his focus back to their work. 

 

////

 

 

The day went on as any other day had, no one, apart from Chris, seemed openly suspicious of them. The only thing that hadn’t anticipated was how difficult it would be not to touch each other now that they had crossed that line. Phil had to restrain himself from reaching out and taking Dan’s hand as they walked, or brushing Dan’s hair back from his face as they spoke. They had always sat and stood very close to one another when they spoke, but now the mere inches that separated them seemed like miles. He felt as though his body were a magnet constantly being pulled towards Dan, and that pull was getting harder to resist. 

 

It was easier when he wasn’t in the same room as Dan, but he still couldn’t stop thinking about him, how all he wanted to do was give him a hug or reach out at touch his cheek, just for a moment, just to feel that he was real and he was here and he was his. He and Dan had different classes just before lunch, andPhil didn’t think he could make it the last thirty minutes of class until they could meet again. He pulled out his phone and typed out a message while holding his phone out of view under his desk. 

 

**Phil: I miss you.**

 

**Dan: You just saw me.**

 

**Phil: But I miss you.**

 

**Dan; You’re such a nerd.**

 

**Phil: :(**

 

**Dan: I miss you, too.**

 

**Phil: I wanna kiss you**

 

**Dan: ;) ;) ;) ;)**

 

**Phil: Like super a lot**

 

**Dan: Meet me in the bathroom**

 

**Phil: Right now?**

 

**Dan: Well it will get crowded at lunch.**

 

**Phil: Which one?**

 

**Dan: The one by the library.**

 

**Phil: Five minutes?**

 

**Dan: See you then**

 

Phil shoved his phone back in his pocket and raised his hand. 

 

“Phil?” the teacher called, looking up and him from her desk. 

 

“May I please go to the restroom?” 

 

“Sure,” the teacher nodded, going back to grading the work on her desk. 

 

Phil hurried to the bathroom Dan had specified, his stomach fluttering in excitement. He walked in and was immediately pounced on by Dan, who grabbed Phil’s shirt in both fists and kissed him. 

 

“Are you sure there’s no one in here?” Phil breathed when Dan pulled away. 

 

“Yes, stupid, do you think I wouldn’t check?” Dan asked rolling his eyes. “Now, do you want to kiss me or are you all talk, no walk?” 

 

“What if someone walks in?” Phil pointed out. 

 

Dan smirked and pushed Phil back so he was pinned to the bathroom door. “There,” he said, putting his hands on the door on either side of Phil and leaning in so his mouth was just inches from Phil’s. “Now it’s blocked,” he added, not taking his eyes from Phil’s lips. 

 

Phil closed the space between them, wrapping his arms around Dan to hold him closer. They kissed hungrily, both their mouths becoming pink and swollen. Dan ground his hips against the Phil’s, who let out a little whimper in response. He felt Dan smile against his lips. 

 

“Wanted to touch you all day, I don’t know if we can handle this,” Dan whispered, pulling away from Phil’s mouth to kiss down his neck. 

 

Phil shuddered at his touch, then grabbed Dan and spun them so Dan’s back was against the door. He kept one hand on Dan’s hip and put the other in his hair, tilting Dan’s head back so he could better get to his neck. He kissed down Dan’s jawline and then down towards his collarbone, nibbling lightly as he went. 

 

“No visible hickies at school,” Dan instructed, breathless.

 

“You’re no fun,” Phil pouted between kisses. 

 

“Oh, I can be fun,” Dan said, almost threateningly, pressing their bodies together even more so, so that no part of them was untouched. Phil could feel that Dan was hard against his hip and Dan could no doubt feel that he was in the same exact situation. As if reading his mind, he felt Dan’s hand skim up under his shirt and dup below the waistband of his boxers.

 

Phil’s heart skipped a beat when he realized what was happening. He didn’t want to sound like a baby, but this was the farthest he had gone with anyone and he didn’t want to have any firsts happen in a public men’s restroom. He pulled back and stopped Dan’s hand with his own. 

 

Dan looked up at him concerned. 

“I want to. I really want to. But not here,” Phil whispered, bringing Dan’s hand to his mouth and kissing it. “Not the first time for us.” 

 

“I understand,” Dan nodded, getting up on his tup toes to kiss Phil’s forehead. 

 

Just then, someone tried to open the door.

 

“Oi, who’s blocking the door?” a voice filtered through from the hall. 

 

 Dan and Phil pulled away from each other, Phil running over to the sinks to look busy washing his hands, and Dan running into a stall, closing the door just as the other door opened.

 

Chris walked in and looked at Phil, confused. 

 

“Hey, Phil,” he said, walking over to the urinals. “Was there something in front of the door?”

 

“No, no, not that I know of, nothing was there, nothing at all,” he said, blushing and flustered. 

 

“A bit jumpy, are we?” Chris asked. 

 

A chuckle came from the stall where Dan had hidden. 

 

Chris shot a look to the closed door. “Who’s in there?” he mouthed, not wanting to let the person know he’d heard them. 

 

Phil shrugged and went about drying his hands. 

 

The toilet in the stall flushed and Phil’s stomach tightened. Was Dan actually going to come out of the stall? He thought the whole point of going in there was so Chris wouldn’t know he was there. Phil didn’t turn to look when he heard the latch on the door open, hoping that would make him look less suspicious. Chris had finished using the bathroom and was heading over to join Phil at the sink. He did turn to see who was exiting the stall, seeming somewhat unsurprised. “Oh, hey, Dan,” he said. 

 

“Hey, Chris. Hey, Phil,” Dan said, winking at Phil when Chris turned away. 

 

“Hey,” Phil said, trying to sound uninterested. 

 

Chris finished washing his hands, eyeing Dan and Phil suspiciously in the mirror. “Well… Bye, I guess,” he mumbled before wiping his hands on his jeans and heading towards the door. Phil could have sworn he heard Chris say something like, “This is so weird,” under his breath but he couldn’t be sure. 

 

“That was a close call,” Dan said as the door closed behind Chris. 

 

Phil let out a sigh of relief. “I don’t think he knew though. Like he knew something was up, but not that,” Phil speculated. 

 

“Let’s hope not,” Dan said, reaching out and brushing Phil’s hair from his face. “You do look like you just did something naughty, though. All hot and bothered looking.”

 

“Oh my god, are you one hundred and five, never say hot and bothered again,” Phil said, blushing and turning to fix his hair in the mirror. “We need to get back to our classes before the bell rings,” he pointed out. 

 

“You’re right,” Dan said, looking up at the clock hung above the door. “See you in 15?” 

 

“See you in 15,” Phil agreed, kissing Dan’s cheek. 

 

They walked out together and parted ways in the hall, each returning to their respective classrooms. Phil walked back into his classroom feeling as though there was a neon sign flashing over his head that read, “ I one hundred percent just made out with a boy in the bathroom” but he knew that it was impossible for anyone to know. He wasn’t able to focus for the rest of the class, replaying what had just happened in his head over and over and over again, wishing they had been somewhere other than a public restroom so it could have ended like he so wanted it to. 

 

///

 

After being able to touch Dan, if only for a few minutes, the day was a lot easier. That was until the last bell of the day rang and Phil found Dan waiting for him by the bike rack looking pale as a ghost. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked, feeling a panic settle into his chest. 

 

“I’m just nervous,” Dan said with a strained smile. 

 

“What about?” Phil responded, confused. 

 

“About dinner. What if your parents don’t like me now, when they think I am just your friend? If they ever find out things are different that that and they already don’t like it, then we’re fucked, Phil,” Dan said, unlocking his bike from the rack. He straddled over the seat and waited for Phil to hop on the pegs on back. 

 

“Dan,” Phil began, climbing on the back as Dan began to pedal, “They’ll like you. You are hard not to like. You are intelligent and well spoken. Just be yourself and don't say something like ‘I am interested in deflowering your son,’ or anything else lewd and you’ll be fine.” 

 

“Now that you put that phrase into my head, it might pop out!” Dan complained. “Oh my god, I wasn’t even this nervous on my first day here.” 

 

“I promise, my parents will like you, Dan,” Phil assured him. 

 

“If you say so,” Dan answered, falling silent the rest of the ride to Phil’s house. 

 

“You’re going to be fine,” Phil repeated, though even he was beginning to feel nervous about the whole thing. _This is going to be alright,_ he thought to himself once more, and he was mostly sure he was right. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THAT I AM MAKING YOU WAIT FOR THE DINNER it's Thanksgiving in America today and writing about an awkward family dinner was TOO REAL. I hope to have that chapter up by next Friday (12/4) because I have a term paper due this week but I will be working on this.


	9. Chapter 9

“Oh, you’re home, good,” Phil’s mum’s voice rang from the kitchen as he closed the door behind him. 

“Mum?” Phil asked, looking over at Dan to see him fidgeting with the sleeves of his sweater. Phil put his backpack down next to the door and motioned for Dan to do the same. “What are you doing home already?”

“Just wanted to get an early start on dinner, dear,” she answered. She hadn’t seen that Dan was already here, so Phil decided to take a moment to try and calm him down. 

“Dan,” Phil whispered, putting his hands on the other boy’s shoulders. “We are going to be ok. She isn’t scary, I promise. Just be yourself.” 

“I’ll try my best,” Dan said, taking a deep breath. 

“I love you,” Phil said, pulling Dan into a hug.

“I love you, too,” Dan said, “But your mum is like a couple feet away in the other room, so maybe no PDA right now.” 

“You’re right. Ok, so here goes nothing,” Phil said, letting go of Dan and heading towards the kitchen. She was cutting up raw chicken for whatever she was cooking for dinner. “Mum, Dan’s here.” 

“Hi, Mrs. Lester, it’s so nice to meet you,” Dan said immediately. 

“Oh, hello, Dan! Oh, I am so happy to put a face to the name. I’m so glad you could come tonight. I hope you like fajitas,” Mrs. Lester exclaimed. “I’d shake your hand, but my hands are all germ-y,” she continued, motioning towards the chicken on the cutting board.  
“That’s alright, I understand,” Dan said, nodding and smiling. 

“Phil,” Mrs. Lester began, “why don’t you boys set the table. Dinner will be ready in a hour or so.” 

“Alright,” Phil answered, turning and rolling his eyes at Dan. He went to the cabinet and gathered the plates and cutlery and handed them to Dan, then grabbed the cups and napkins, motioning for Dan to follow him. They entered the dining room. Phil set the things he was carrying on the table and went to fetch placemats from the china cabinet. After setting four of them around the table, he and Dan went about arranging the place settings. 

“You’ll sit here,” Phil said, patting a chair as he walked past it, putting a fork at each setting, “I’ll sit here,” he continued, patting the chair next to the first, then skipping the seat at the head of the table, he went to the chairs directly across from the first two and finished, “And mum and dad will sit here.” 

Dan nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. 

“What?” Phil asked, confused. 

“I was worried I would have to sit next to one of your parents,” Dan admitted, blushing a bit. 

“I would never make you suffer through that. Let’s go upstairs,” Phil said, putting the last fork in place then standing back and looking over the table. “I think this is good enough. Mum, Dan and I are going to work on homework!” 

“You better! I don’t want to hear any video games going on up there until you’re all done with school work,” Mrs. Lester called from the kitchen.

“Don’t worry, Mum, we won’t play any, I promise,” Phil answered, leading Dan upstairs. Once they entered the room he reached out and pulled Dan closer to him. “I don’t think we’ll be doing any homework, either, though,” he whispered before bringing his lips to Dan’s. 

//// 

They both jumped at the knock on the door. 

“Phil? Dinner’s ready,” his father said on the other side. 

“Be right down, we just have to finish this math problem,” Phil called, sitting up from where he had laid in the bed. 

“Don’t be too long, the foods still hot,” his father urged.

Phil waited until he heard his father’s footsteps reach the end of the hall before he shot out of bed and to the mirror. His mouth looked slightly swollen, which could be attributed to the fact that he and Dan had been kissing in his bed for a straight hour. His hair was an absolute mess, and not in his normal “I strategically placed each hair to get this messy look” way. He turned to see that Dan looked no better. 

“You might want to brush your hair really quick,” Phil said, picking up his brush and going at his own hair. 

“I also might want to ice my lips,” Dan said, poking at his mouth. ‘I feel like I got collagen injections or something. I must look like Donatella Versace.”

“Not in the slightest,” Phil said, making a face of disgust. 

“I will admit, I am slightly better looking than her,” Dan added. 

“Yeah, slightly,” Phil laughed. 

“Boys?” Phil’s mother called from downstairs. 

“Coming,’ Phil called, throwing the brush to Dan. 

“If we take to long, they may start to think we are up to something,” Dan said, worry returning to his face.

“Yeah, smoking weed or something,” Phil said, trying to ease his nerves. “Making out is the last thing they would guess, Dan, trust me. They have no idea which way I swing.’ 

“Oh and which way is that?” Dan asked, smirking. 

“Any way, as long as I end up hitting you,” Phil flirted.

“You are the cheesiest human alive,” Dan laughed, standing and straightening out his shirt. 

“But you liiiiiikkkeee me,” Phil teased. “Let’s go.”

“If I die, you can have my posters,” Dan said, opening the door. 

“You aren’t going to die,” Phil assured him. 

“That’s what you think,” Dan huffed under his breath. 

Phil could hear the murmur of his parents speaking downstairs, the clinking of their silverware and glasses as they served themselves food, completely unaware of the weight this moment held for the two boys. Not that Phil wished they did, he worried that if they knew who exactly Dan was to him, they would dislike him automatically because no one would be good enough for their son. But for Dan and Phil, this determined a lot of things. If they liked Dan, got to know him before they knew what he really meant to Phil, they may be fine when they finally decided to come out. This determined how well they could hide it. There was a lot hidden within this interaction, Phil thought. 

“There you are,” Mrs. Lester said, her face brightening when they entered the dining room. 

“Sorry we’re late, mum, we were in the middle of a math problem and didn’t want to lose our train of thought without finishing it,” Phil explained, taking his seat 

“That’s fine, sweetie, I'm glad you two are so focused on your homework,” she said, shooting a smile across the table. “Oh, honey, this is Dan,” she continued, realizing Mr. Lester had yet to meet the other boy. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Dan said, reaching across the table to shake hands. 

“Likewise,” Mr. Lester answered. “Firm shake. That’s nice to see in a boy your age.” 

“Thank you,” Dan answered, shyly. 

“So,” Dan’s mother began, “ What do you like, Dan? What’s your life plan?” 

Phil could see Dan’s eyes widen at the question. Dan hated talking about life after high school, especially because it seemed so far away. 

“I, uh,” Dan began nervously. 

Phil cut into help him, knowing exactly how to get his mother’s mind off The Future and more interested in Dan’s here and now. “ Dan is fantastic at the piano. He even writes things,” PHil interrupted, plastering a big grin on his face. 

“Oh, really?” Mrs. Lester’s face lit up. “Did you hear that dear, Dan’s a pianist! Oh, I wish we had a piano so you could play something for us.” 

Dan smiled politely, but Phil could tell he was thanking whatever powers that may be that the Lester household was piano free. 

“Oh, I’m not that good,” he replied, humbly. 

“Shut up, Dan, you are the best I’ve ever heard in real life,” Phil argued, 

“Oh, and how many people have you heard play piano live?” Dan asked, raising his eyebrows. 

“Plenty, and you’re the best,” Phil answered, matter-of-factly. 

“I am sure you are great, Dan. I have never heard Phil speak so highly of someone, so you really must be something,” Mrs Lester interjected. 

Dan blushed and Phil beamed at him, unable to contain his smile. Dan really was something. He wouldn’t admit that now, as he could already feel his mother watching him, not suspiciously, but definitely examining him. He knew why. He was sure the way he interacted with Dan was different than how he interacting with his other friends, and he hoped his mother would assume he had just finally found a best friend. But she was his mother, so she could probably work out the truth. He would let her try, but he wasn’t about to say anything outright. 

“So when did you move here, Dan?” Mr. Lester asked after a moment’s silence. 

“At the beginning of the school year,” Dan said. “Dad got relocated for his job, but they were able to put it off until I was done with my last school year. Not that I particularly minded, but my parents seemed to think a mid-year move wouldn’t be doing right by me. Only they assumed that the school year here started on the same day as back home, so I came in a few days late” Dan explained. 

“How are you adjusting?” Mrs. Lester asked. “To the new school and all?”

“Academically, yes, I am adjusting very well. Socially.. Well… I know Phil,” Dan said, shrugging. 

“You two do spend an awful lot of time together,” Mr. Lester speculated. 

“Yeah, well, he’s had a hard time getting rid of me recently,” Dan said, smiling at Phil. 

“Well, I am glad that you two get along so well.. Do you know Chris and Louise as well?” Mrs. Lester asked. 

“I know them, but we aren’t really close or anything. They’re nice, though,” Dan said. 

Phil just nodded, not wanting to say that he had barely seen his old friends recently because he had been so busy with Dan. He didn’t want to explain that he really only wanted to see Dan on a daily basis, that having the chance to spend time alone with Dan was the reason he woke up in the morning, and also the reason he went to sleep at night. But that second bit would also involve having to tell his parents that he was a dream hopping freak. 

The conversation remained pretty superficial for the rest of the meal. After clearing the table, Dan and Phil returned to Phil’s room to “work on homework.” 

“You reckon we should actually do some work?” Phil asked, eying his backpack with distaste. 

Dan was sat on Phil’s bed, looking out the window. It wasn’t that late, but it was winter, and the sun was setting early. The moon was already hung in the sky, casting a blue white glow over Phil’s neighborhood. Dan seemed very far way, his eyes fixed on the sky. 

“Dan?” 

“Hm?” he responded. 

“Do you want to do homework?” 

“Not particularly.” 

“What do you want to do?” 

“That first night we talked on the phone, you were sat out there, huh?” Dan asked, motioning towards the bit of roof outside the window. 

“Yeah,” Phil said, sitting on the bed next to Dan. 

“Can we go sit out there?” Dan asked. 

“Of course,” Phil responded. “But why? The moon looks just the same here as it does at your house.”

“I just want to know what you were looking at that night,” Dan said. “That night was good.” 

“Yeah,” Phil nodded. He opened the window and climbed out, holding out his hand to help Dan out of the window once he had steadied himself. Dan plopped down onto the roof confidently, seemingly unafraid of plummeting to certain injury off the edge of the roof. Phil sat down next to him, a little more shakily. 

“That was the night, you know,” Dan said, quietly, leaning to rest his head on Phil’s shoulder, never taking his eyes off the moon. 

Phil couldn’t be bothered with the moon, not with Dan right next to him. He looked down at the boy resting against his shoulder, studying his face, trying to figure out what he had meant. “The night what?” 

“The night I realized I liked you,” Dan said, smiling and nuzzling against Phil. 

“Oh,” Phil said, nodding. “Right.” 

Dan seemed to shake out of his entrancement with the moon, his eyes locking onto Phil’s face. “What?” he asked, realizing that Phil was staring at him. He brought his hand up to his mouth, wiping it. “Is there something on my face?” 

“No, no. You’re just pretty,” Phil said, softly, putting his arm around Dan’s shoulder. 

“Oh,” Dan answered, color rising to his cheeks, all the more noticeable in the light of the moon. 

Phil leaned towards the other boy, kissing his nose, then his lips. “I love you so much.”

“I love you more,” Dan answered, smiling. 

“Not possible,” Phil murmured, turning back to look at the moon, wishing the moment could last forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not entirely sure when chapter 10 will be out. I am hoping the 17th at the latest. It's finals for the next two weeks for me so I need to cram everything I was supposed to learn this semester back into my brain and I'm worried my ability to write might temporarily be replaced with psych vocabulary words and supreme court cases from the last century. That being said, I will make Chapter 10 happen as soon as humanly possible.   
> xoxo  
> Heather


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS ONE IS NSFW. Not like super XXX but still. Nsfw. Have fun.

They stayed out on the roof until both of their hands were so cold that the could barely feel their fingers. By that point, they had given up trying to warm them by holding hands as it was like holding two ice cubes together and wishing they would catch on fire. They could have grabbed a blanket from Phil’s room, but moving seemed like too much of a chore.

“My hands officially no longer feel like part of my body,” Phil said, watching his breath rise towards the sky.

“My whole body is numb,” Dan retorted. “Feel,” he said, taking Phil’s hands and putting them on his cheeks.

“I can’t feel them but I’m sure they’re cold,” Phil smiled. “Do you want to head inside?”

“Yeah,’ Dan agreed, nodding.

Dan crawled in the window first, Phil behind him, latching the window as he closed it behind him. His room was dark, as they hadn’t switched the door on before they had climbed outside.

“Will you switch the light on, Dan?”

“No,” Dan whispered, kicking off his shoes, then lying down on Phil’s bed.

“Why?” Phil asked, following suit, flopping down next to him.

“Too cold, can’t move,” Dan mumbled, turning to nuzzle into Phil’s chest.

Phil wrapped his arms around the other boy, smiling to himself. His parent’s probably thought it was odd that his lights had been off in his room for so long. He then realized he had no idea what time it was. “Dan, what time is it?”

“I dunno. Late, I reckon,” he answered from Phil’s chest.

“When do you need to be home?”

“My parent’s will text me if they need me,” Dan assured him. Phil felt him adjust so he could access the his phone to check the time. “It’s ten. They haven’t texted  yet. We’re fine.”

“I’m surprised my parent’s haven’t check on us yet,” Phil observed.

“I bet they figure we can’t be up to much, we’ve been so quiet,” Dan said. “I mean after all, we’ve been outside.”

“Yeah,” Phil said, reaching down to tilt Dan’s face up to his, leaning down to kiss him softly.

“Your lips are cold,” Dan complained, pulling away from Phil’s touch.

“So are yours. I really only see one way to warm them up,” Phil added, suggestively.

“Hm, what’s that?” Dan said, smiling as he closed the space between them, stopping just short of their lips meeting.

“I think you know,” Phil whispered, bringing his hand up to Dan’s hair and brushing it away from his face.

‘I don’t know if I do,” Dan responded, feigning innocence. “I think you need to show me,” he continued, skimming his hands up under Phil’s shirt, bringing his hands to rest on his back.

Phil’s skin broke out into goosebumps at Dan’s touch. “You’re hands are freezing, you’re leeching all my body heat,” Phil said, squirming under Dan’s hands.

“That’s the point,” Dan said, running his fingers lightly across Phil’s back lightly, tickling him and causing his goosebumps to resurface.

“You’re ruining the mood,” Phil protested, trying to pry Dan’s hands off of him but failing.

“There was a mood?”” Dan asked, raising his eyebrows.

"You know there was,” Phil huffed, annoyed.

“I can bring it back,” Dan said, digging his fingers into Phil’s back as he pulled him closer.

“Oh, you think you can, do you?” Phil challenged.

“Mmmhmm,’ Dan said, repositioning himself so he could gain access to Phil’s neck. Dan kissed Phil’s neck, feather light at first, Phil tilting his head back to encourage the other boy. Phil tangled his hands in Dan’s hair, trying to hold back a whimper as Dan sucked what would surely be a hickey just above his collar bone.

 

“Come here,” Phil whispered hoarsely, guiding Dan’s mouth to his own. He wrapped his arms around Dan and pulled him on top of himself, Dan straddling him readily. He skimmed his own fingers up Dan’s back as Dan had done to him before, feeling the other boy shiver at his touch. Dan grabbed Phil’s face with both hands, bringing their mouths clashing together once more, kissing Phil so aggressively, he worried Dan might draw blood.

Dan pulled away, pressing his forehead to Phil’s breathing heavily. “I want you so badly,” Dan managed to say, running his hands through Phil’s hair.

“Then take me,” Phil whispered, placing his hands on Dan’s hips and grinding up against him.

Dan hesitated. “I-Phil, I’m nervous.”

“Me, too,” Phil assured him.

“I’ve never done anything like this before,” Dan admitted.

“Me, too,” Phil repeated.

“Really?”

Phil took a deep breath and said, “I have a secret that might make you feel better.”

“What’s that?”

“You were my first proper kiss. So don’t be nervous. I don’t know what I’m doing either,” Phil whispered, kissing Dan’s cheek.

“I always took you for someone with more experience,” Dan said, slightly shocked.

“Nope,” Phil reiterated. “You’re the first.”

“So you won’t think I am lame for not knowing everything? Or doing it bad?’

 “Of course not.”

“In that case,” Dan began, a mischievous smile rising to his face. He began kissing Phil again, grinding down against other boy.  Phil smiled against his lips. In all honesty, he was nervous, too, but he figured that was normal when you were getting hot and heavy with your boyfriend for really the first time and your parents were just downstairs and could come in at anytime. He unintentionally gripped harder at Dan’s hips, driven just by the want to have him closer. Dan hummed in response, moving his hands down to the hem of Phil’s shirt, tugging on it.

“What if my parent’s walk in?” Phil asked, holding his shirt down for a moment.

“We are in the dark laying in your bed, it won’t make a difference if you have your shirt on or not,” Dan pointed out.

Phil realized he was right and helped Dan get his shirt off. “You, too,” he whispered, pulling Dan’s shirt over his head. Dan leaned back down to continue kissing Phil, but Phil moved away quickly, going to kiss Dan’s neck instead, knowing that always solicited a big response in the other boy.

“Shit,” Dan whispered as Phil nibbled lightly at his neck. His ran his hand down Phil’s chest, across his stomach, ending up at the button of Phil’s fly. He struggled getting it done one handed, but he eventually succeeded.Dan dipped his hand below the waistband of Phil’s underwear, taking him in his hand.

Phil took in a sharp breath when Dan began to move his hand. He didn’t think someone else touching him like that would feel much different from when he did it himself, but there was something about it that made this better. He tangled his fingers in Dan’s hair, pulling his face towards his own, kissing him forcibly, trying to hold in any noise that wanted to escape from his mouth, or at least muffle it with Dan’s mouth. He felt Dan smile, then pull away. “Where are you going?’ Phil asked breathily, trying to guide Dan’s mouth back to his own.

“Bored,” Dan said, nonchalantly, though he was clearly enjoying how Phil was reacting to his touch.

Phil would have looked confused if he could focus on anything other than Dan’s hand wrapped around his dick, but it was all he could do to keep his hips from bucking up and making the bed creak. He wanted to ask what Dan meant, but his questions were soon answered, as Dan began kissing down Phil’s chest, then down his stomach, finally pressing a kiss at his hip bone, nibbling a bit. Phil worried that Dan thought he expected this of him, that he had to take things farther. Before Dan did anything else, Phil managed to whisper, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“If I didn’t want to do it,” Dan said, looking up at Phil through his fringe, “I wouldn’t.” With that, he took Phil into his mouth, and Phil couldn’t suppress a moan, covering his own mouth upon hearing himself. Dan began to move his head up and down, hollowing out his out his cheeks.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Phil whispered, pulling the pillow out from under his own head and covering face, biting it to resist making any more noise.

Dan made a noise of protest, pulling off of Phil. “I want to see your face,” he said, his voice hoarse.

“Too loud,” Phil warned him, throwing the pillow on the ground.

“I like it.. wanna hear you,” Dan responded, beginning to move his hand up and down again, running his thumb over the head of Phil’s dick, pulling Phil’s underwear down farther so he could kiss Phil’s inner thigh.

“Fuck,” Phil stuttered. “What about my parents?”

“If they hear, they hear,” Dan murmured.

Somewhere in the back of Phil’s mind, he knew they would both be mortified if his parent’s heard, but he was too consumed by how hot Dan looked and sounded to care. He was about to say something, but Dan licked up the length of Phil’s dick, swirling his tongue around the head when he reached the top. He focused on the head, stroking the shaft with his hand. Phil bunched his fists into the sheets beneath him, trying not to buck up into Dan’s mouth.

“I’m going to-” Phil began to say, but finished before he could say the rest. He watched as Dan swallowed, then wiped the side of his mouth. He pulled Phil’s underwear up then crawled up the bed, kissing Phil softly on the lips. “Sorry for not warning you earlier,” Phil whispered, bringing his hand up to Dan’s face, running his thumb along cheek.

“It’s fine,” Dan said, smiling down at Phil. “Is it ok if I kiss you properly?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t it be?” Phil said, confused.

“Well, I mean, I just…” Dan trailed off, trying to think of how to word it. “Had stuff in my mouth….” he finally decided on.

“So?” Phil said, pulling Dan down and kissing him passionately.

Dan laughed against Phil’s mouth. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, more,” Phil breathed.

“Not possible,” Dan said, mimicking the tone of voice Phil had used earlier that night.

“Shut up,” Phil huffed, pushing Dan away playfully.

“Never,” Dan said, clinging to Phil as best he could.

“Oh yeah?” Phil asked, tickling Dan’s ribs.

“No!” Dan yelled, moving away and,  not realizing how close to the edge of the bed they were, fell onto the ground, causing a large thump.

“Phil?” Mrs. Lester called up from downstairs, “Are you boys alright?”

“We’re fine, Mum,” Phil called back, stifling his laughter.

“It’s half past ten,” Mrs. Lester replied. “Dan might want to get home soon.”

That, Phil knew, was his mum’s way of asking him to send Dan on his way. “Sure thing, Mum,” he called back. He hopped off the bed to join Dan on the floor.

“You ok?” he asked, reaching for Dan’s hand.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Dan said, smiling at him. “I probably should be getting home soon.”

“I know,” Phil nodded. “Where’s your shirt?” he asked, scanning the dark room.

“Where did you throw it?” Dan asked, standing up to look around.

“I don’t remember,” Phil admitted sheepishly.

Dan walked over to the wall and switched on the light. Phil shielded his eyes from the light, about to get up and help Dan look, but when he saw the other boy, he stopped dead in his tracks. Dan was beautiful. He already knew that, but seeing him in the light like this, he was overwhelmed. His hair was a mess, tousled from all the times Phil had ran his hands through it. His mouth was pink and swollen from kissing (among other things). He scanned his eyes down Dan’s body, his eyes pausing at the hickey just above Dan’s collar bone that he had left there just the day before, then down to the way his jeans sat at his hips, showing off the V of his hip bones. He watched as Dan leaned over the bed, bending over to pick up his now locating shirt. Phil bit his lip as he appreciated the curve of Dan’s ass. As Dan pulled his shirt back over his head, Phil wondered how he got so lucky as to have this beautiful boy, looking like sex on two legs, to even be his friend, not to mention his boyfriend.

“You done checking me out, or should I continue with this reverse striptease?” Dan asked, looking around the room for his shoes.

“I’m not-” Phil began to protest.

“You are,” Dan interrupted.

“You’re really hot,” Phil admitted blushing.

“So are you,” Dan said, pulling on his shoes. “Get dressed and maybe I’ll kiss you.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Phil said, picking up his shirt from the floor and pulling it over his head, then he hopped up, pulled on his shoes, and hurried over to where Dan stood, leaning in for a kiss.

“Hey, I said maybe,” Dan protested, playfully pulling away.

“Okay,” Phil pouted, wrapping his arms around Dan’s waist.

“I was kidding, you spoon,” Dan said, kissing Phil’s cheek.

“Do you have a jacket with you?” Phil asked realizing he didn’t remember Dan wearing one earlier that day. He pulled away and walked over to his wardrobe.

“Oh, shit, no,” Dan said, remembering how cold it had been outside.

“Here, borrow one of mine,” Phil offered, pulling out a black coat with purple galaxy patterns all over it.

Dan eyed it with a judge-y look, but he pulled it on just the same. Phil pulled out a metallic coat for himself and put it on.

“What do you need that for?” Dan asked, motioning towards Phil’s coat.

“Because I am walking with you,” Phil said matter-of-factly.

"No way, Captain Space Coat,” Dan said, shaking his head. “You’ll have to walk all the way back to your house in the cold, then.”

“Halfway then?” Phil pleaded.

“Halfway,” Dan agreed.

“Come on then,” Phil said, picking up Dan’s backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. “It’s getting late.”

“Ok,” Dan agreed, following Phil towards the door. They walked through the house quietly. It was already dark downstairs. Apparently, his parent’s had gone to bed while they were getting ready to leave.

 

They walked outside, Phil closing the door behind him quietly. Dan retrieved his bike from the side of the house where he had left it earlier that night. They began to walk towards Dan’s house, Dan wheeling the bike beside him, Phil carrying the other boy’s backpack. They didn’t talk much until they reached the halfway point.

“Well,” Phil said, stopping just outside the light cast by the nearest street lamp. “This is it. You know how to get home from here?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Dan said, smiling at Phil. “Will I see you later tonight?”

“Of course, I wouldn't _dream_ of not being there.” Phil said, leaning forwards to kiss Dan. “See you soon. Text me when you’re home safe.”

“Shut up. No puns. You do the same,” Dan said. “Can I have my backpack?”

 

Phil passed the other boy his backpack and held the bike while Dan put it on. Dan took the bike back and straddled it. “Kiss me,” Dan said.

Phil obeyed, kissing Dan lightly and going to pull back, but being stopped when Dan placed his hand on the back of his head, holding him in place. Part of him worried that someone in the neighborhood that knew his parents would see him even though it was nearly eleven at night, but that thought was immediately pushed to the back of his mind as Dan’s tongue darted across his lips. He parted his lips, giving Dan better access. Dan bit at his lip, Phil letting out a little gasp at the sensation.

“I love you,” Dan said upon pulling away.

“I love you, too,” Phil said, feeling slightly weak in the knees.

 **  
** “See you soon,” Dan replied, winking, then pushed off and began to pedal away. Phil watched Dan ride away until the darkness of night swallowed him up, wondering once more how in the hell he got so damn lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is done earlier than expected, based solely on the fact that since I have so many things I HAVE to do for finals, I am coping by doing absolutely zero of those things. Anyway, I am hoping to have the next chapter out by the 18th of December. I am sorry that my update schedule is a little bit everywhere, but I am a student and I work, so this is kinda what I do in my limited free time.
> 
> Thank you all for being so supportive and enjoying this so much. It really makes me happy to hear that people are enjoying it.


	11. Chapter 11

Phil had only been walking for about five minutes before his phone buzzed. Dan.

**Dan: just wanted to let you know I am home safe.**

**Phil: I’m still walking.**

**Dan: Well I was on a bike so… Slightly faster**

**Phil: Tru.**

**Dan: Text me when you’re safe. I just realized we have done absolutely zero of our homework. it’s going to be a late night.**

**Dan: Also don’t text back. You need to be aware of your surroundings walking home in the dark. Be ready at all times.**

**Phil: be ready for what?**

**Dan: B E  R E A D Y  A T  A L L  T I M E S**

**Dan: and don’t text back jfc**

**Phil: You’re weird.**

**Dan: !!!!**

**Phil: Ok, ok, I won’t text back.**

**Dan: !!!!! you just did it again.**

**Dan: You better not answer that.**

Phil smiled, tucking his phone away in his pocket. Their neighborhood was safe and Phil wasn’t particularly worried about getting jumped, but Dan was right. He needed to know what was going on around him so he could be ready if something happened.  He felt his phone buzz again in his pocket, swearing at Dan.

“If you don’t want me to answer, don’t text me!” Phil muttered to himself, letting his phone remain in his pocket. He had read receipts on, and Dan would be angry if he saw that he opened it.

 

Finally, his house was in view. He might take a page from Dan’s book and start riding his bike more often. Sure it would mean not having to ride on the pegs of Dan’s bike on the way home, which he had come to enjoy (any excuse for physical contact was a plus in Phil’s book), but walking home was getting old. He’d pull his bike out of the garage and check the tires when he got home. His phone buzzed again. He pulled it out because he was so close to home after all, it wouldn’t hurt to look now.

**Dan: I saw a quote online that reminded me of you.**

**Dan: Do you want to see it?**

**Phil: Yes.**

**Dan: Are you home?**

**Phil: Just walking up the drive.**

**Dan: ok, good, I was about to kick your ass.**

**Phil: What’s the quote?**

**Dan: “I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.” A. A. Milne**

**Phil: Isn’t that the Pooh Bear guy? A. A. Milne?**

**Dan: Shut up. I like Pooh Bear.**

**Phil: Nothing wrong with Pooh Bear.**

**Phil: I like that quote.**

**Dan: I think it would make a nice tattoo.**

**Phil: I think you have two years to think on that.**

**Dan: it would!**

**Phil: I’m not saying it wouldn’t.**

Phil rolled his eyes. That quote was sickeningly sweet, and of course he loved that Dan thought of him when he read it. Who else could that apply to so well but them? But as he walked to the garage to get out his bike, he couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous. The fact that Dan was already so committed to the idea of them together that he would consider getting a tattoo that reminded him of Phil made his chest feel funny. He wasn’t sure if it was in a bad way, but he wasn’t sure it was good either. Part of him knew why, but the other part of him wanted to ignore the reason.

It scared Phil to get his hopes up for the future, and when Dan talked like that, it made him think about what he felt was to far away to ever be sure about. They had only been officially together for a little under forty-eight hours, yet Dan seemed to think they would still be relevant when they were eighteen. Of course, Phil hoped that would be true, but he didn’t want to admit that to himself, not so soon. He didn’t want to plan on forever and then look like a fool when it didn’t pan out. Even if he was the only one that knew he had thought that way. He didn’t want to have to tell himself I told you so when they broke up. If they broke up. In his heart, he knew it was too early to think about breaking up, when all of this was so new and that was surely the last thing that both of them wanted. But logically, he also knew it was too early to dream about forever. Because he couldn’t be sure. But he supposed he could never really be sure.

The garage door clanked and clanged incessantly as it opened. Phil was sure that it would wake the entire neighborhood. He found his bike in the back under a tarp. He pulled it up the tarp and took his bike out for the first time since summer. The tires seemed to be in good enough shape to ride, so that was good. He wheeled it out of the garage, pressing the button that closed it on his way out. He leaned it against the side of the house and made his way inside, closing the door behind him as softly as he could. He crept up the stairs, avoiding the stairs he knew creaked as he did so. He wasn’t worried he would get in trouble, he had been gone for all of twenty minutes, but he still didn’t want to wake his parents. As he passed their door, barely breathing as not to draw attention to himself, he heard a low murmur. His father’s voice.

“Dear, I think you’re reading too much into things,” he heard through the crack in the door.

“I went to check on them earlier and all the lights were off and they were outside sitting on the roof,” his mother whispered. “They were sitting very close.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” his father stated. “I’m sure you sat close to your best friend when you were younger, as well.”

“This was different. He looks at him differently than you would a friend. Did you see how he was looking at him at dinner, he was positively beaming and I just--“

“So what if he does? If he wants to tell us that they are more than friends, then he will. But for now, let him figure it out. He may not even know yet. I won’t deny there seemed to be something there, dear, but you need to let them address that on their own. You don’t want to scare them out of letting anything happen,” Dad said, cutting Mum off.

 

Phil hurried off to his room. He decided he had heard enough. He closed his door quietly, not wanting to let his parents know he was around to hear it. They must not have realized he left.

He decided he wasn’t going to tell Dan. He didn’t want Dan to worry anymore about how they had to act around other people, especially his parents, who already made Dan nervous. He had to admit that he himself didn’t really want to think on it anymore, to overanalyze what he had just heard. He had to admit he was surprised how unworried his father seemed to be about it, how he just seemed to have accepted that it was a possibility and that he was fine with it. He thought his father would be disappointed, if he ever knew.

Phil eyed his backpack upon entering his room, knowing that he had to get his homework done still, partly happy to have some obligation to distract him from his parent’s, or mostly his mother’s, suspicions. He picked it up and tossed it on his bed, opening it and pulling out his French book. He opened it to the page they had left off on in class, his phone buzzing just as he began to read the first paragraph.

 

**Dan: Whatcha doin?**

**Phil: French homework**

**Dan: Gross**

**Phil: You should do it to**

**Dan: Already have.**

**Phil: Wanna send me a pic of the answers? ;)**

**Dan: You’re using me to further your academic career.**

**Phil: No, I am using you because you’re hot and I wanna get with ya. but answers to homework would defo be a plus.**

**Dan: Rude**

**Dan: 1 Image**

**Phil: Thanks babe ;) ;) ;) ;)**

**Dan: not ur babe**

**Phil: :(**

**Dan: OK I’m your babe**

**Dan: Do your homework**

**Phil: Ok :)**

**Phil: Talk to you when I’m done.**

**Dan: Ok :)**

//

Phil didn’t finish his homework until around two in the morning. It was that time of year near finals when teachers somehow forgot that the students had more classes than just theirs. He felt his eyes dipping shut as finished reading the last bit of English homework that he had. After reading the last word, he shut the book and pulled out his phone.

**Phil: Hey I’m done. You still up?**

Phil pulled off his shirt and his jeans, falling into bed, not bothering to even think about pajamas. He had enough blankets on his bed that he would be warm enough, and putting on clothes was just too much effort. He glanced at his phone and saw that Dan had not read the message. In fact, messenger said that he had not been active for over an hour. He must have already fallen asleep. Phil set his alarm and plugged in his phone, then closed his eyes, reaching out for Dan. He found the familiar waves almost immediately, latching on to them and following them into sleep.

They were in a room Phil did not recognize. It seemed to be an apartment, in a larger city, judging from the view outside the window. There was a single king-sized bed in the middle of the room, the sheets black with tiny white stars speckled across them. Sat on the bed was a dream Phil, but slightly different. He appeared to be older. His hair was shorter, tousled as though he had been sleeping. He was wearing glasses with wide black frames and a pair of blue pajama pants nothing else. Dan was stood in front of a mirror, in dress pants and a white dress shirt that was all the way unbuttoned. He was holding up ties, trying to decide which to wear. He looked the same as he did in real life, but Dan suspected that was because his brain wasn’t really focused on himself when he had a whole new Phil to create. Dream Phil was watching Dan intently as he deliberated over the ties. Phil decided not to make his presence known for a few minutes so he could watch the story Dan’s brain had created.

“Which one, Phil?” he said, holding up one silver tie and one black tie.

“Dan, both are good. I still haven’t the slightest idea what I am going to wear, why do you think I would know what you should wear? I’m worried and I’m just your date,” dream Phil retorted, looking annoyed.

“Fiance.” Dan corrected, wiggling his left hand in the air. A gold band flashed in the light. “Well, the shoes I am wearing have silver accents, and my pocket square is black with paisley, so I think I’m going silver.” Dan threw the ties on to the bed and sat down next to dream Phil.

 

Phil’s stomach tightened. They were engaged in this dream. And obviously, Dan had done something important, otherwise they wouldn’t be dressing up.

 

Dream Phil spoke again. “Are you nervous? I mean, this is your first time up for an Academy Award for Best Original Score.”

Of course, he was a successful musician. That made complete sense to Phil, in fact, the scenario didn’t seem that strange. But what was Phil in this situation. Phil scoured the room, looking for any detail Dan’s brain might have included in order to indicate Phil had done something cool, too. He really hoped Dan didn’t see Phil being a trophy husband who sat around the house in the future. He saw a computer open up to some video software. On the bookshelves, there were a few books about post production. Maybe Phil worked behind the scenes in movies?

“Not if you’re there with me,” he heard Dan murmur to the dream Phil. His stomach flipped. Ok, so maybe he was focusing on the dream jobs too much, but that was only because the scene in front of him seemed so hopeful. Dan seemed so sure. He didn’t want to admit that Dan seemed sure, but in his heart of hearts, he knew he was fucked. He couldn’t see his life without the other boy, though they had only known each other for a short time. He watched as Dan leaned in to kiss the dream Phil, then decided to make his presence known.

“Hey, Dan,’ he called.

Dan turned in the direction he had heard Phil’s voice, the dream Phil once again disintegrating the moment Dan’s eyes feel about him.

“Hey,” Dan said, glancing to where the other Phil had been just moments before, shaking his head slightly. “Sorry, but the whole there’s two of you and then one of you disappears thing will never not be weird. How long have you been here?” Dan asked, a sudden urgency entering his voice.

“Not long,” Phil fibbed. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. At least not in this situation. “Why are you so fancy?”

“Nothing,” Dan said, feigning casualty. He pulled off the white dress shirt and threw it on the floor, where it immediately melted away. He shrugged, moving to the wardrobe across the room and pulling out a sweater.

“What’s that?” Phil asked, reaching out to grab Dan’s left hand, holding it palm down with both of his hands, He fingered at the ring and raised his eyebrows.

“Nothing!” Dan said, pulling his hand away and blushing.

“Is that what I think it is?” Phil teased, reaching out and pulling Dan closer to him. He wasn’t really sure why he was saying anything, seeing at it made him so nervous himself.

“Shut it,” Dan said, giving Phil’s chest a half-assed push, smiling despite himself.

“I’m taking that as a yes,” Phil said. He wasn’t sure if the feeling he was experiencing was happiness or fear. He wanted to lean towards happiness.

Dan stopped resisting and let Phil pull him into a hug. He pressed a kiss into Phil’s cheek.

“No denial?” Phil asked  turning to kiss Dan back.

“Am I able to kick you of my dreams?” Dan grumbled, resting his chin on Phil’s shoulder.

“I don’t know, no one has ever tried. They don’t know it’s really me,” Phil shrugged. He had never even considered that as a possibility. He hoped Dan wasn’t annoyed enough to actually try.

“Don’t worry,” Dan said, as though reading his mind. “I’m not going to kick you out.”

“Good,” Phil said, nodding and pulling back to look at Dan. ‘So, what’s the plan for tonight?”

“You always say that like we have to use a dream to do something crazy, but honestly I am happy just being with you,” Dan said, rolling his eyes.

“Anything you can imagine, yet you always choose the most mundane, real life shit,” Phil answered, shaking his head.

“Maybe I’m just in love,” Dan said, smiling at Phil.

“Why do you say that?” Phil asked confused.

“I once heard that you know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. The only reason is I know my real life can continue in my dreams. I know I can just be with you. That’s all I really need. You could say it’s a dream come true. “ Dan said, nudging Phil in the ribs.

“Shut up forever, you’re never allowed to talk again,” Phil said, groaning at the pun.

“You love it,” Dan said.

“I do,” Phil agreed.

‘You know what I want to do tonight?” Dan said, his face lighting up.

“If you say lie in bed and talk, I swear to God I’m gonna punch you,” Phil said, giving Dan a look.

“No. I wanna watch a meteor shower. Let’s make a meteor shower and wish on every damn shooting star,” Dan said, pulling Phil towards the door in the bedroom. He opened it and just outside was a meadow, just a wide expanse of grass dotted by small flowers, with an unobstructed view of the night sky. Dan lead Phil to the exact middle of the space. closing the door behind him. As they looked up, little lights began shooting across the sky. And sure, this was more incredible than anything that Phil could ever see in real life, but he suddenly understood what Dan meant. Anything could be this fantastic, as long as Dan was there.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH this is done. It's been a while since a dream chapter. Hoped you guys like this one I am kinda worried that it is lame. Anyway, hope to have a new one up next week. xoxo, Heather


	12. Chapter 12

This became their routine. One night, they would have dinner at Phil’s, the next Dan’s, never spending more than three or four waking hours apart, and though physically apart while sleeping on school nights, they were mentally together. The hours without each other felt strangely empty. The best way Phil could understand it was that it was like walking around with one of his limbs detached. When Dan wasn’t near by, he no longer felt like his whole self. He swore he could sense Dan the moment he walked into a room, even if it was one filled with other people, like the school cafeteria. The moment Dan set foot in the room, he could feel his chest loosen, his nerves calm for a moment. Dan made everything better, more tolerable. In short, Dan just made him happy.

Which is why the news he received the Saturday the week before winter break troubled him so. They were in Dan’s room, sitting with their backs against the footboard of Dan’s bed. Dan had his arms wrapped around Phil, who was resting his head on Dan’s shoulder.

“A whole week?” Phil asked, trying to keep his voice from catching. He could feel his eyes burning. God, he shouldn’t be reacting this adversely to this, it wasn’t a huge deal. He thanked his lucky stars that he was facing away from Dan, that the other boy couldn’t see his face.

“It won’t feel that long, I promise,” Dan urged, hugging Phil closer to him. Phil heard Dan swallow, hoping that meant he too was struggling with the idea of being apart an entire week. “All my family is still back home, Phil. I have to see them for Christmas. I’m not saying I want to, but you know, I’m sixteen. It’s still required.”

“I understand. I am not looking forward to you being gone, but I understand,” Phil answered, placing his hand on Dan’s chest, over his heart, focusing on the heartbeat he felt beneath his hand and not how his own had quickened as he spoke.

“It’s not like we won’t see each other for the whole time. I have to sleep sometime. Probably more if I’m going to be around all that family for so long. Family is tiring you know,” Dan said, clearly trying to cheer Phil up.

Phil nodded against Dan’s chest, smiling weakly, but saying nothing.

“What?” Dan said, surprised by Phil’s silence, as though he thought for sure that would make Phil feel better.

“It’s just not the same,” Phil shrugged. “It’s not like I can hug you for real. It’s not like I can actually feel you or smell you or hear your real voice. It’s all up here,” Phil said, tapping his temple with his finger. “It’s not as good as this.”

“I know,” Dan agreed, running his fingers through Phil’s hair. “But it’s more than most people have.”

“Yeah,” Phil said, knowing he was being dramatic. Of course it was more than other people had. But he wasn’t used to what other people had. He was used to what they had. He didn’t know how he would deal with only seeing Dan for a small portion of the day instead of having it the other way around. “When are you leaving?”

“The day break starts,” Dan said, his voice softer than before, almost guilty.

Phil felt as though he had been punched in the gut.

“So in six days?” Phil asked trying to keep his voice steady.

“Yup,” Dan answered. “Six days.”

“And you’ll be home seven days after that?”

“Yes.”

“168 hours.”

“Maybe less.”

“Call me every day?”

“Of course,” Dan agreed.

“Ok.” Phil said, nodding. He could feel his chest constricting.

He hated himself for being a baby. Some couples went months without seeing each other and were fine. They didn’t even have the unfair advantage that they had. Yet, the idea of being without Dan for an entire seven days sounded like torture.

///

The day arrived for Dan to leave. School had let out and Dan and Phil had ridden their bikes to  to Dan’s house as they did nearly every Friday, the only difference being that in a mere 60 minutes, Dan would be leaving for a week. Phil look down at his phone as they wheeled their bikes up to the side of the house. 3:09 PM. 51 minutes remaining before what he was sure would be the worst week of his life.

They were silent as they trudged up the stairs to Dan’s room. He threw his backpack aside and stood in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do with himself. Dan closed his bedroom door, set down his bag, and walked to Phil, encircling him in his arms. Phil stiffened at his touch, feeling sick to his stomach. Part of him just wanted to get it over with, pull it off like a bandage, and cut off all the touching and the talking and the togetherness right now. He knew it wouldn’t end any sooner if he began it earlier, but the anticipation of having Dan leave, knowing these would be the last hugs, kisses, words he would have with Dan for the next week (at least in the physical world) pained him. He wished he could stay in the moment, enjoy the time he had left before Dan was gone, but he couldn’t help but think this is the last time this will happen for a while.

“It’s only a week,” Dan said, turning his face into Phil’s neck, taking in a deep breath.

 

How could Dan be so calm about this? Why wasn’t he worried? Phil hated him for not being upset. He hated Dan for not seeming gutted by this. Maybe Dan was more realistic. Maybe he was having a better time putting things into perspective than Phil. Maybe he realized a week wasn’t that long at all. And if he did, he was right. But Phil hated him all the same.

“Stop saying that,”Phil murmured, wrapping his arms around the other boy despite the voice in his head screaming at him to cut it out, that this was only making it harder.

“Why?” Dan asked, pulling back to survey Phil’s face.

“A lot can happen in a week.”

“Like what?”

“You can fall in love in a week,” Phil began, looking Dan’s face over, trying to gauge any emotion that might pass over it. “You can fall out of it. You can forget why you were here in the first place. You can decide you like your old home better than this one. You can get hurt, like physically.  It’s the holidays, people drink and drive. You could be in a car accident. This could be the last time I ever see you. Doesn’t that worry you?” Phil finished, mentally kicking himself for saying anything at all. This was so unlike him. He could normally think about things rationally, but Dan was different. Dan was his whole world. No one and nothing had meant this much to him before.

“Not one bit,” Dan answered. “Because I could never fall out of love with you. And I already know I like it better here than back at my old home. You wanna know why?”

Phil nodded sheepishly, although he was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

“Because you’re here,” Dan stated. “And as for me being hurt, I’ve been in a car a million times before and I’m fine.”

“But each time you get in the car, you’re more likely to be in an accident,” Phil urged.

“That’s not how statistics work, Phil. Each time, I have the same chances, unless the roads are particularly dangerous or there are other variables to take into account,” Dan said, laughing.

Phil smiled. He checked the clock on his phone quickly. 3:19PM. 41 minutes.

 

Dan took one of Phil’s hands in each of his. “If it makes you feel any better, I will be thinking of you every minute and I promise I will come home to you. I will always come home to you,” Dan said, a solemn look on his face.

Phil, at a loss for words, said the only two that came into his mind. “You’d better,” he retorted and pulled Dan into a kiss.

“I love you,” Dan said quietly.

“I love you, more,” Phil said, smiling and kissing Dan again.

“Good, so you’ll help me pack?” Dan asked, raising his eyebrows hopefully.

“Oh my god you’re leaving in-” he checked his phone- “thirty-eight minutes and you haven’t packed yet?”

“No,” Dan admitted guiltily.

“Ok, I’ll help you,” Phil said, rolling his eyes.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re the best?” Dan asked, releasing Phil from his arms and walking over to his wardrobe to pull out a duffel bag.

 

He started pulling shirts off the hangers and stuffing them into the bag haphazardly. Phil took the bag from his hands and pulled all the shirts out, rolling them properly so they wouldn’t take up too much space and so they wouldn’t be wrinkled. Dan made a face at the other boy, tossing three pairs of pants in his direction. Phil rolled those as well and packed them away neatly. Dan walked over to his dresser and pulled out eight pairs of socks, carried them over to the bag, and dropped them in, covering the clothes under them completely. Phil tucked them away into the side of the bag  so they wouldn’t take up any more space than necessary. Dan walked back to his dresser and pulled out eight pairs of underwear and carried them over to the bag again, repeating the same action as before.

“Dan!” Phil called annoyed, pulling out the underwear and folding them neatly before tucking them next to the socks.

“I’m sorry,” Dan said, smiling mischievously.

“No, you aren’t,” Phil huffed. “Why eight socks and eight underwear?” he asked, counting them over again.

“Extra ones in case of emergencies,” Dan said, shrugging.

“What constitutes as a sock emergency?” Phil asked, looking up at him quizzically.

“If I step in a puddle in the bathroom with my socks on,” Dan answered quickly.

“I guess that is an emergency,” Phil agreed. Dan threw two pairs of pajama pants at Phil, who promptly caught them, folded them, and packed them away. Dan then pulled open another drawer and carefully pulled out a sweatshirt that Phil immediately recognized at his own.

“That’s mine, isn’t it?” Phil said, eyeing the bright yellow hoodie that was so unlike anything Dan would choose for himself. He didn’t remember leaving it here. In fact, he hadn’t been able to find it for a while now.

“Yeah, I secretly borrowed it a while back,” Dan said, blushing.

“You mean stole it,” Phil said.

“Secretly borrowed,” Dan insisted.

“Whatever,” Phil said, feigning annoyance. Secretly, he was ecstatic that Dan liked him enough to steal his jacket.

“Phil,” Dan began hesitantly, “Would you mind, um… wearing this until I leave soitsmellslikeyou,” he said, hurrying his words at the end.

“What was that?” Phil said, standing up and making his way across the room towards Dan.

“Will you wear it so it smells like you?” Dan repeated, blushing.

“I will wear it for the next,” he paused to check the time, “twenty-three minutes.”

“Good,” Dan said, holding the hoodie out to Phil. "I'm going to get my tooth brush and things from the bathroom. Be back in a tick." 

Phil pulled the hoodie on over his head and hugged himself tightly, trying to transfer as much of his smell to it as he could. He then hurried over to Dan's drawers and pulled out a black jumper to "secretly borrow." He stuffed it in his backpack just as Dan walked back into the room. 

Dan smiled at him, none the wiser, packing his toiletries into his bag. A door slammed shut downstairs, causing both boys to jump. 

"Dan?" Mrs. Howell called up from downstairs. "You almost ready to go?" 

"Yeah, almost," Dan called back, picking up his pillow from his bed, stuffing it in the duffel as well. He gathered up his laptop and chargers and stuffed them in on top of the pillow, finally forcing the zipper of the bag shut. 

Phil checked the clock on his phone. Eighteen minutes. 

"Well, come bring your things down and put them in the car," his mother replied. 

"Come on, then," Dan said, nodding Phil towards the door. Phil picked up his backpack and made his way downstairs, Dan at his heels. Phil dropped his backpack by the front door as not to forget it when he left. He then followed Dan into the lounge, where Mrs. Howell was gathering all the other bags. 

"There you are. Oh, hello, Phil, dear, how are you?" she asked, smiling sunnily at the boy. 

"Hi, Mrs. Howell. I am fine, how are you?" he replied, smiling back, trying with all his might not to let on he was actually really shitty. 

"I am good, not looking forward to the drive though. Knowing Mr. Howell, he will only want to drive for about an hour and then leave the rest for me," Mrs. Howell said, rolling her eyes in a what can you do? way. "Dan, dear, will you and Phil take these bags out to the car, please?"

"Yes, Mum," Dan said, picking another small bag in addition to his own. Phil picked up the other two suitcases from the floor and followed Dan out to the driveway. Dan opened the hatch and threw in his own bag, waiting for Phil to carefully place the other two in before closing it again and heading back inside to get the remaining bags. 

"I'll get them," Dan said, stopping Phil from picking up the last two bags. Phil stood in the living room and watched Dan hurry back out to the car, throwing the other two bags in and running back inside. Phil looked up at the clock mounted on the living room wall. Fourteen minutes. 

Mrs. Howell reentered the room holding a phone charger and her iPhone, plugging it in in the outlet next to the couch and sitting down, seemingly reading something on her phone. 

Dan came back in, slightly out of breath from running back and forth to the car and motioning to Phil's shirt said, "Why don't you give me that now and I'll put it in the car." 

Phil pulled it off without thinking much, handing it to the other boy, who ran back out to the car one last time. 

"He's going to miss you so much," Mrs. Howell said from behind him, causing Phil to jump. 

"Yeah," he answered finally, looking out the window and Dan, who had opened the hatch on the car again, causing the suitcases he had haphazardly stack to fall out on the ground. He was struggling to arrange them less precariously. "I'm going to miss him, too."

"You mean so much to him," Mrs. Howell continued. 

"I know," Phil answered, not thinking much. 

"He loves you doesn't he?" Mrs. Howell asked, lowering her voice. 

Phil tore his eyes away from the window and fixed them on the woman sitting in front of him. He opened his mouth, but the words caught in his throat. He felt as though he couldn't get another breath. He was frozen, a deer in the headlights. "How did you kn-" Phil began, his voice cracking.

"I'm his mother. I know him. I don't mind if he does," Mrs. Howell continued, her words almost a whisper. "As long as you love him, too. I couldn't stand to see my little boy's heart broken. Not when this is the happiest he's ever been. Please, tell me you love him just as much as he loves you." 

"Even more," Phil managed to sputter, a sick feeling entering his stomach. Mrs. Howell knew. She knew for sure. How long had she known? Were that that obvious?

"Does he know that?" Mrs. Howell asked, just as they heard the hatch slam outside and Dan hurrying back to the house. 

"Yes," he answered, nodding vigorously. "He knows." 

"Good," Mrs. Howell answered, smiling warmly at him, then turning back to her phone just as the front door slammed and Dan re-entered the room. Phil looked at the clock. Nine minutes. 

"Dad's just pulled up, Mum. He'll want to be leaving soon," Dan said before turning to Phil, "Come back upstairs with me?"

Phil nodded, following Dan to the stairs, turning back to look at Mrs. Howell. She made eye contact with him and shook her head almost imperceptibly, as if to say "Don't tell him I know. Not yet." 

Phil nodded back and turned to follow Dan. His heart felt heavy. He now knew for sure Dan's mother knew and he was pretty sure his own parent's knew but he couldn't tell Dan. He understood why. He didn't want to drop this on Dan less than ten minutes before he left. At least Mrs. Howell would know enough to leave alone these last few minutes. 

They entered Dan's room closing the door behind them. Phil felt the all the words he wanted to say welling up behind his lips, but he was immediately stopped from saying them when Dan's lips met with his. He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind, to focus only on the boy in front of him. He wrapped his arms around Dan, snaking his hands up his shirt and running his fingers down Dan's back, causing the other to shiver. 

"I am going to miss you so fucking much," Dan murmured against Phil's lips. 

"I know you will," Phil said, smiling and pressing his lips back to Dan's. Phil hummed happily as Dan ran his fingers through his hair. Dan pulled away from the kiss and pulled Phil into a tight hug, burying his head in Phil's neck, breathing in deeply. 

"Dan!" Mr. Howell called from down stairs. "Time to go."

Phil pulled out his phone and locked at the clock. 3:56. Four minutes. 

"I guess we have to go downstairs now," Dan said, shrugging. 

"I guess." 

"I wish I could put you in my suitcase," Dan sighed. 

"Me, too. Although it would be a bit cramped," Phil replied. 

They went downstairs, gathered Phil's things, and headed outside to where they had stowed their bikes. Dan rolled Phil's bike away from the wall and held it out to the other boy. 

"I guess it's time for you to go," Dan said. 

"I guess so," Phil said, taking the bike from Dan. Dan leaned forward and kissed Phil quickly, immediately looking towards the front door when he pulled away, relaxing when he saw no one had seen them. 

Phil wanted to say not to worry, they already knew, or at least his mom did, but he kept his mouth shut. 

"Bye, I love you," Dan said, reaching out and squeezing Phil's shoulder. 

"I love you, too." 

Phil pushed off on his bike, riding towards home and not looking back. He knew that if he looked back and saw Dan standing there, or worse, driving away, the tears he had been holding back all week would surely spill over. His phone buzzed as he walked through his front door. 

**Dan: miss you already.**

**Phil: Miss you more**

He hurried upstairs, pulled the Dan's sweater out of his backpack. He collapsed onto his bed and buried his face into Dan's sweater, breathing in the Dan smell, hoping it wouldn't fade away over the course of the next seven days. It was going to be a long, long week. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be what happens in the week they are apart so it might be angst-y just as a warning. ( and when i say might I mean it WILL BE.)


	13. Chapter 13

The first few hours  apart were easier than Phil had expected. Probably because he had fallen asleep a mere thirty minutes after he had gotten home and not awoken again until around eight o’clock that night when his mother barged into the room. 

“Phil, you missed din-oh,” she cut herself off upon seeing her son in bed with a sweatshirt over his face. 

The ruckus of her barging in had awoken Phil, but he didn’t make a move, not wanting to talk to her about why he had fallen asleep so early or where Dan was and why he wasn’t with him. He was pretty sure he had told his mother that Dan was going away, but he couldn’t quite remember. He kept his eyes shut as his mother moved the sweatshirt from his face. 

“Haven’t seen this before,” she muttered under her breath. Phil heard it plop to the floor. She took a blanket from the foot of the bed and covered Phil up, brushing his hair back from his face and kissing him on the forehead before exiting the room. Phil opened his eyes the moment he heard the door close behind her. 

The first thing he did was pull out his phone. 17 text messages. Fuck.

 

**Dan: This car ride is so boring**

**Dan: I think I am getting car sick.**

**Dan: I forgot to bring my book!**

**Dan: Phil?**

**Dan: Are you there?**

**Dan: It’s been like an hour since I’ve heard from you.**

**Dan: Are you upset with me?**

**Dan: If you are, I understand**

**Dan: well, I guess I don’t, but I will leave you alone if you just tell me to**

**Dan: I will take your stoney silence as a yes.**

**Dan: I love you.**

**Dan: you know, the silent treatment is a really dick move**

**Dan: I thought we were ok**

**Dan: you were fine when you left**

**Dan: well apparently not**

**Dan: I’m home**

**Dan: text me if you ever feel like it again.**

 

The last message had been sent fifteen minutes ago, but they ranged over the entire three hours he had been asleep. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Phil whispered, hastily dialing Dan’s number. 

 

It rang. It kept ringing. It went to voicemail. Phil dropped his phone onto the bed next to him and closed his eyes. This was all just a big misunderstanding. He wasn’t mad at Dan in the slightest, yet Dan thought he was pissed, and now he was ignoring his calls.

 

Ok, so maybe he wasn’t ignoring his calls. Dan had been in a car for the last few hours. Maybe he was going to the bathroom or was in the shower or was unpacking his bags, or maybe he was catching up with his grandparents. Phil picked up his phone again and texted Dan. 

 

**Phil: Dan I am so sorry. I fell asleep when I got home. I’m not mad at all, I didn’t answer because I was literally unconscious.**

 

He stared at the text conversation, waiting for Dan to reply. The annotation beneath the message he had just sent changed from “received” to “Read at 8:12PM,” but no typing bubble popped up from Dan’s side. He waited a few more moments before closing out of the text messages and opening up Facebook, deciding it was pathetic to sit there and stare at the messages while he waited for Dan to text back. He needed some social media to take his mind off of it. Except it didn’t. 

 

Upon opening Facebook, he saw that Dan had been tagged in a new picture. He was outside in the dark, his face lit up by a camera flash, and he was laughing, his eyes squeezed shut, his hand on his stomach as though it was aching from how funny whatever was happening was. His other arm was draped over some boy Phil had never seen or heard of before, who was laughing just as hard. A girl was resting her head on Dan’s other shoulder, her face turned half into it to hide how hard she was laughing. The caption on the photo read, “The old gang back at it again. The return of Daniel!” 

 

Phil locked his phone. He wasn’t the jealous type. He really, really wasn’t. And he didn’t think that Dan was interested in any of those people like he was interested in Phil. But shit, that stung. To know that he wasn’t answering because he was somewhere laughing his ass off, probably having completely forgotten about Phil and why he was mad at him, really hurt. Of course, Phil hadn’t been answering his texts, but he had a legitimate reason. The only reason Dan wasn’t answering was that he couldn’t be bothered to take a second away from the banter he was having with his old friends to shoot back even a simple ok. That would hurt less than nothing. 

Phil fought the urge to unlock his phone again, lasting only a few minutes before opening it and tapping out another message to Dan. 

 

**Phil: I love you, Dan. I’m sorry I made you think I was upset with you. I love you.**

 

**Read at 8:16PM**

 

A hard knot settled into Phil’s stomach. He waited a minute, then two, then an entire five before locking his phone. No text bubble had popped up. Dan hadn’t even thought about typing back it seemed. 

 

That was the first time one of them had said I love you while they were both conscious  and the other had not said it back. Dan had willingly chosen to not say it back. Phil didn’t know what that meant. 

 

///

 

Dan stayed up extra late that night, but luckily, having had a nap that afternoon, Phil was prepared to stay up as long as it took him to get to sleep. He felt Dan come through around five that morning. He thought maybe the distance between them would affect how strong Dan’s frequencies were, but they were just as strong as ever, maybe even stronger. For a moment, Phil pondered whether Dan was reaching out to him, asking him to follow him down into the dream. He pushed that thought away. Dan had made it pretty clear he didn’t want to talk to Phil tonight. 

 

Phil closed his eyes and fell into Dan’s mind, entering a white space he hadn’t seen in months, one that he thought he would never see again. The piano wasn’t there, but Dan was, sitting on the ground and looking around expectantly. Phil decided to watch him for a moment. He had never entered a dream to find Dan waiting for him. He was always preoccupied. He was a bit taken aback to find Dan having a dream where the only premise seemed to be waiting until Phil got there. Dan whispered something.

“Come out, come out wherever you are,” Dan said, looking around the room. 

“That’s creepy,” Phil responded, suppressing a smile when Dan jumped. 

“Oh, there you are,” he said, reassuming his cold demeanor. “Didn’t think you’d come.”

“Why’s that?” Phil asked, moving closer to the other boy. 

“Hadn’t heard from you all day,” Dan answered, shrugging, shying away when Phil reached out to touch him. 

“Yeah, and I told you why,” Phil said, letting his hand drop to his side. He sat down across from Dan. 

“Sounds like a cop out to me,” Dan responded, eyes trained on the floor, hands fidgeting with something there that Phil could not see. 

“Well, it’s the truth. How do else do you think I was able to stay awake to this ungodly hour so I could follow you down?” Phil asked, willing Dan to look at him with every ounce of his being. 

“I don’t know. I stayed up extra late so you wouldn’t.”

“You really don’t want to see me?” 

“No.”

“No you don’t want to see me or no you that’s not what you really want?” 

“Just no.” 

“You’re confusing.” 

“I know,” Dan admitted. 

They sat in silence for a moment. Dan still wouldn’t look at him. That might have been the worst part of it all. No matter what he did, Dan would not look at him in the eye. He wouldn’t even look at his face. The highest his eyes had travelled in the few minutes they had been together was Phil’s chest. 

“Well,” Phil said, breaking the silence. He stood and walked a couple of paces away. “I guess if that’s the case, I’ll be going. You look like you had.. Fun.. tonight. So you better get some rest so you can do it all again tomorrow.”

“You saw that, huh?” Dan asked, pushing his hair back from his forehead. “That was my friend’s idea.” 

“What was your friend’s idea?”

“The picture. She said if I looked like I was having a lot of fun without you, you would get jealous. I mean, I guess I only gave in because they had to beg me to come out and I didn’t want to. They also told me to not to answer when you called. Then they took my phone and only read out the messages to me. They wouldn’t let me see them myself. Said I had to teach you that being a bad boyfriend would get you nowhere fast. I read your texts once I got home. They were a little different than what they told me they had said,” Dan said. 

“What did they tell you I said?”

“Soz, mate, fell asleep.” 

“That doesn’t even sound like me, Dan?” 

“That’s what I said, then my friend Stephanie said well then he must be lying. I should have known she was just trying to rile me up. She always was a pot stirrer,” Dan said, smiling weakly. 

“I really did fall asleep, Dan,” Phil said, looking down at Dan from where he stood. 

“Yeah, I guess I knew that,” Dan answered, nodding. 

“I can still go if you want me to.” 

Dan mumbled something in response. 

“What?”

“I said of course I don’t want you to go.”

Dan stood up and walked over to where Phil stood, finally looking him in the eye. Phil could see that tears were welling up in them, but he didn’t say anything. He just held his arms out to the other boy, who quickly found his way into them. 

“I’m sorry I let this get so blown out of proportion, Phil. It didn’t have to be this big of a deal. This could have just been a little misunderstanding. That is the last time I take advice from Stephanie,” Dan rambled, tightening his arms around Phil. “And I am so, so sorry I didn’t say I love you back. By the time I saw the message myself, I thought you would already be asleep and it would be too late. I thought I was so fucked.”

“Then why don’t you say it now?” Phil asked softly. 

“I love you so fucking much, Phil Lester,” Dan said, rather loudly. 

“How much?” 

“To Pluto and back a million times,” Dan answered. 

“That’s a lot,” Phil said, laughing. 

“Yeah, it is.”

“But do you wanna know something?”

“What?”

“I love you to Pluto and back two million times, so…” 

“Oi, don’t start this,” Dan protesting, pulling back to give Phil a scolding look. 

“I can’t help that it’s true,” Phil answered, shrugging. 

“Shut up,” Dan said, hitting Phil’s shoulder.

“Make me,” Phil challenged. 

Dan smiled and brought their lips together. Phil tried to imagine that he could really feel Dan’s lips against his own, tried with all his might to make the memories of the sensation in his mind feel real, but he couldn’t. This wasn’t what he wanted right now but it was all he had. And it didn’t seem to bother Dan too much. Phil became aware that Dan was deepening the kiss, but he could only feel a ghost of the movement. He wondered if Dan could feel more since it was his dream after all. He must be a little bit more under the spell then Phil was. Things were better in this moment, but Phil would do anything to feel Dan actually against his body, his lips actually moving against his, hell, he would have been happy even to actually see the tears that had been welled up in Dan’s eyes mere moments before. Even seeing him when he was sad would be better than not seeing him at all. 

“How much longer till you are home?” Phil asked, pulling away. 

“I don’t know what time it now,” Dan said after thinking momentarily, “So I can’t give you how much time to the exact moment, but I would say a little bit less than six days. You think you can make it?”

“I don’t know,” Phil answered, smiling. “But I’ll sure as hell try.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am thinking that the next update will either be Christmas Eve or Christmas, so look forward to that. I know this is not the most angst it could be, but for this story, it's pretty angst. Also the next chapter will be happier... I wanna spoil it so bad but you'll see. :) Hope you enjoy. -Heather.


	14. Chapter 14

Family slowly filtered into Phil’s house as the week went on and Christmas drew closer, and Phil found himself spending more and more time in his room playing video games by himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his family, for the most part, he did, but he was tired of all the questions old people inevitably asked. It all began when his mother’s parents showed up.

 

“Philly, my boy, how are you? Girls knocking down the door as usual?” his grandfather had said, clapping him on the shoulder.

“You know it, Granddad,” he had answered, without much enthusiasm. He found himself looking pleadingly to his mother, who appeared surprisingly sympathetic, but said nothing.

“Will we be meeting a girlfriend this trip?” Grandma asked, pulling Phil into a bear hug.

“Not this time, Grandma,” he had managed, shocked at how strong the old lady was.

“Well, that’s a shame. You’ll find someone eventually,” she had assured him.

“I know, Grandma,” he answered, rolling his eyes, restraining himself from saying he already had.

 

It only got worse as aunts, uncles, and cousins trailed in. Once his cousins got there, he couldn’t seem to find a moment alone. James, Robbie, and Sammy were constantly in his room, hogging his video games and talking about what kind of nefarious things they were getting into back home. Phil tried to avoid their questions, claiming it was private,  but they always just ended up thinking he was a prude. Phil had to go to the bathroom just to have a moment alone long enough to make his daily calls to Dan.

 

He sat on the edge of the tub and waited for Dan to answer, tapping his fingers against the porcelain.

 “Hey, you” Dan’s voice came through the speaker, tinny and far away, yet somehow still warm, welcoming. Somehow, even though it was slightly off, it was still home.

“Hey,” Phil replied, keeping his voice low as not to draw attention from his family, should they pass by the bathroom door. “How are you?”

“Good. Better now,” Dan answered. Phil swore he could hear the smile on Dan’s lips. “How are you?”

“I’m alright. My house is completely infiltrated. Even my room. Everywhere I look there is a family member. My cousins are constantly on my game systems AND they won’t stop talking about all the girls they’re supposedly getting it on with,” Phil answered. “I mean, I love them because they’re family, I guess, but oh my god, I can’t wait til everyone goes home again.”

“When’s that?” Dan asked.

“They’re normally all gone by Christmas night,” Phil said, thinking back on years past. It always seemed to him that his family members only stayed long enough for gifts to be exchanged and then bailed as soon as they got what they wanted.

“Well, that’s only what, three more nights away?” Dan asked.

“Yeah. And only four more until I see you.”

“Yup,” Dan agreed.

“I miss you,” Phil whispered.

“I miss you, too, you big nerd.”

“I love you,” he said.

“How much?” Dan asked.

“You know how much,” Phil replied.

“I do,” Dan answered. “And I love you, more.”

“Um, I thought we established that it was me that loved you most, though,” Phil teased.

“I was under the impression that it was me though,” Dan countered.

 

There was a knock at the door, causing Phil to jump a bit.

 

“Philly-boy, you in there?” Robbie’s voice filtered through the door. “Who are you talking to?”

‘No one, Robbie, piss off, I’m using the restroom.”

Phil heard Dan chuckle on the other end.

“We want to do a round of Mario Kart,” Robbie continued, ignoring Phil’s annoyance.

“Well, start without me then, I’m kinda busy,” Phil insisted.

“You can’t join mid-game,” Robbie protested.

“Then we’ll start a new one when I get there, for fuckssake, Robbie, let me use the toilet in peace!”

“Touchy…” Robbie said and then the other side of the door went silent.

Dan was now fully cracking up on the other end.

“You shut up, too,” Phil said, though he was smiling himself.

“Well it seems like you have to be going,” Dan said, composing himself. “So I’ll let you go.”

“Text me still,” Phil said, sad the call had to end.

“Of course,” Dan replied. “I love you so much. I’ll see you soon.”

“Not soon enough. I love you, too,” Phil said. “Talk to you soon.”

He hung up, walked to the toilet and flushed it, then ran the sink for a moment to make the bathroom going believable.

 

He opened the bathroom door and was immediately tackled and pinned to the ground by Robbie. James popped out of nowhere and started giving him a noogie while Sammy tickled his feet.

“Who do you love, then?” Robbie asked, smiling wickedly. “We heard you say I love you to someone. You aren’t such a prude after all, are you? You’re just a romantic type.”

“Ger-off me,” Phil yelped, struggling against the three boys.

“Who was it? You have a girlfriend?” Sammy asked.

“None of your business, is it?” Phil spat, still fighting against the other three boys ambush but to no avail.

 

They must have made quite a commotion because Phil’s mother soon entered the hall, a concerned look on her face.

“What’s going on here?” she asked, upon seeing her soon pinned to the floor.

“Nothing, Auntie,” Robbie answered from where he sat on Phil’s chest. He shot her a smile. “We’re just giving Phil a hard time, you see.”

She didn’t look amused. “About what?”

“We heard ‘em talking to someone on the phone in the bathroom. We heard him say ‘I love you” so we wanted to know who it was,” James answered, having stopped the noogie attack when his aunt had entered the room.

“Well, leave him be,” she said, her voice firm. “If he wanted to tell you, he already would have.”

“Alright, Auntie,” Robbie said, nodding to the other boys. “We’re really sorry.”

“Yeah, sure you are,” she answered. “Go on, go away,” she said, shooing them away from her son.

 

Once they were gone, Phil sat up and began to try and fix his hair, which was now a wild bird’s nest on his head.

“You alright?” his mother asked.

“I’m fine. They were just playing around, Mum,” Phil said, smiling at her.

“Do you want to tell me who you were talking to?” she asked, her eyes looking oddly hopeful.

Phil just shook his head.

“Ok,” she said, a bit crestfallen. “Well, you can tell me, you know.”

“I know,” Phil nodded, standing up and straightening out his shirt.  

“You just don’t want to,” his mother continued.

“Not quite yet,” Phil admitted sheepishly.

“I have an idea of who-” she began, but Phil cut her off.

“Don’t try and guess, right now, Mum. You’re probably right, but let me come to you, ok?”

She was silent for a moment, then finally agreed. ‘Yeah, alright.”

“I think I’m going to go for a walk,” Phil said, flattening down his hair once more. “Not particularly in the mood to hang out with them,” he added, nodding his head towards his bedroom door.

“Don’t blame you,” his mother said, reaching out to pat him on the shoulder. “Be back for dinner, please. I love you, Phil.”

“I love you, too, Mum,” Phil answered, starting his way downstairs and out the door. He was surprised with how easily his mother let him off there. She was obviously dying for him to tell him. He would. On his own time.

 

///

 

Things were a bit strained between Phil and his cousins from that day forward. It’s not that he thought they meant any harm by it, he just felt as though he could trust them less, and quite frankly, they were annoying even when they weren’t tackling him and torturing him for answers. Luckily, his mother seemed to understand and didn’t force him to hang out with them anymore.

The three days leading up to Christmas Phil spent reading, talking to Dan, and stressing over what to get Dan for Christmas. He knew he should have thought of it earlier, but he had this annoying habit of waiting until the last minute for everything. He really wished there was someone he could ask for advice, but no one he knew knew Dan as well as he did.

Two days before Christmas, Phil was reading at the kitchen table, away from his cousins who had taken over his room and his aunts, uncles, and grandparents who had taken over the lounge, while his mother was beginning to cook for Christmas dinner. Phil knew there was a lot of cooking to do, but he felt that perhaps two days in advance was a bit much. It crossed his mind that he still had no idea what to get Dan for Christmas, so he decided to ask his mother.

“Mum?” he asked, setting down his book.

“Yes, Phil?” she answered, looking at him from over the top of her recipe folder.

 

“Say, hypothetically, that there was someone special that I wanted to buy a Christmas gift for, but I wasn’t sure what to buy h- them. What is a good thing to get a person like that?” he continued, tentatively.

“Well, first I would say that hypothetically, you have waited until quite literally the last minute and that you should buy something today. Then I would ask what are this person’s interests?”

Phil thought for a moment. He knew it was stupid to keep pretending his mother didn’t know exactly who it was at this by now, but he still didn’t want to give too much away. He also supposed that maybe she didn’t know the exact nature of their relationship. He tried to figure out a way to preserve whatever ambiguity that remained.

“Hypothetically, they really like music. And writing music. And they keep a dream journal and they really like the color black. And the moon and stars. They love space and looking at the sky. And hypothetically, I would want this present to convey.. how much I really do like them. Because sometimes I worry they may not know.”

Phil’s mother nodded. “I think I might know something that he- they- may like,” she said slipping for a moment, blushing at her mistake, but not acknowledging it other than to correct it. “The other day I was in that little spiritual shop, you know the one with the candles and the crystals, just looking around because I thought there may be some interesting gifts,” his mother explained.

Phil nodded, wondering where this was going.

“Well, I saw this leather wristband and it had the phases of the moon branded into it,” she finished, shrugging. “Maybe that would work.”

Phil’s heart leapt. That was perfect. He looked at the clock above the stove and saw that it was only noon. He hoped against hope that the shop was still open, given that it was the day before Christmas Eve, and sometimes independent stores like that closed early. “I’m going to go check that out,” he told his mother, patting his pocket to make sure his wallet was there, then kissing her on the cheek and hurrying to the garage to get his bike.

He was incredibly lucky, as he pulled up to the shop fifteen minutes before it closed. He perused through it, looking for the wristband his mother had described. When he found it, he looked it over, deciding it was in fact a good gift for Dan. It was black, about two thirds the width of a normal watch band, and clasped with a silver snap that looked like a full moon. The phases of the moon were stamped into it, but not very visible in the black leather from far away. You had to be really paying attention to notice them. It seemed like something Dan would really like. He purchased it stowed the box the shop lady packed it away in pocket. Dan called him just as he was getting ready to pull away from the shop.

“Hey,” he said, answering his phone as he pulled himself and his bike closer to the wall of the building next to him and out of the way of any passers-by.

“Hey, Phil,” Dan replied cheerfully. “What are you up to?”

“Just shopping,” he answered.

“Oh, for who?” Dan said, seeming extremely curious.

“For you actually,” Phil said. “It took me a bit to decide what to get you, that’s why I’m getting you something so late.”

“Don’t worry,” Dan said, “I didn’t even think about how late in the game it was for buying presents, actually. But I’d rather have something thoughtful than something hastily bought at the beginning of the season anyway.”

Phil breathed a sigh of relief. He worried that Dan would have been disappointed that he had waited so long. Today, however, Dan seemed oddly chipper.

“You’re in a good mood,” Phil commented, wondering what had made his boyfriend seem so happy.

“Oh, I just got an early Christmas present is all,” Dan answered, vaguely.

“What was it?” Phil said, leaning up against the wall, pulling the box that held Dan’s gift out of his pocket and turning it over in his hand.

“I’ll show you when I get home,” Dan replied, elaborating no further.

“I hate suspense,” Phil said, pouting though Dan could not see him.

“Oh, suck it up,” Dan answered. Phil could see him now, rolling his eyes in mock annoyance with a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. God, Phil missed him.

“I miss your dumb face,” Phil mumbled, tucking the box away once more.

“Your face is dumber,” Dan countered.

“True,” Phil agreed.

“Hey, no, rude, you’re not allowed to agree with that. Your face is perfect,” Dan said.

“Which is it, dumb or perfect?”

“It’s dumb how perfect it is, like it’s stupid perfect,” Dan responded.

“That’s saying a lot,” Phil said, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks. He was halfway glad Dan wasn’t there to see how easily flustered he was by his comments.

“I could say nice things about your face all day,” Dan continued.

“Then why don’t you?”

“Phone bills.”

“Rude.”

“But true,” Dan pointed out.

“How long until you’re home?” Phil whined.

“Soon enough,” Dan answered.

“Soon enough was yesterday,” Phil complained. “Come home now.”

“Phil, you know I would if I could,” Dan said, scolding Phil slightly. Phil could tell the other boy was feeling badly about having left, but he also knew there was nothing he could do about it.

“I know,” Phil answered. “Listen, Dan, as much as I hate to hang up, I am just standing against the wall of a shop right now and my mother will worry about where I have gone-”

“I know, I know, you need to be heading home,” Dan finished for him. “I adore you.”

“That’s a new one,” Phil said.

“Doesn’t make it less true,” Dan replied.

Phil felt all warm and fuzzy at Dan’s words. There was something about him saying something like that so unapologetically that made Phil feel special. He would be too nervous to deviate from the norm himself, but Dan always seemed to display affection so readily.

“I love you, Dan,” Phil said, trying to wipe the dumb smile off his face, feeling as though people walking past him were looking at him as though he was crazy.

“I love you, too,” Dan said. “See you soon.”

“Not soon enough.”

“It will go by quicker than you think,” Dan assured him.

“I hope so,” Phil said. “Talk to you later,” he added before hanging up. He pulled his bike back into the road and made his way home.

 

///

 

“Did you find your hypothetical gift for your hypothetical friend?” Mrs. Lester asked as Phil entered the kitchen in search of a glass of water.

He brought the glass to his lips, and unable to answer her question, simply pulled the box out of his pocket and held it up for her to see.

“Oh, good I am glad. I am allowed to know who it’s for?” she asked, not looking him in the face.

Phil set the glass down and took a deep breath. He supposed he had hedged around the subject long enough.

“Don’t you already know, Mum?” he asked, settling on trying to admit to it in the most vague way possible.

“Suppose I do,” his mother nodded. “But it’d be nice to hear it from you rather than just assume. I am your mum after all. I know we aren’t as close as we could be, but if you have your eye on someone, I think I ought to know.”

“Ok,” Phil agreed, looking around to assure that none of his other family members were around. “Don’t tell everyone, yet, ok? I don’t want to talk to everyone about it quite yet.”

“My lips are sealed,” Mrs. Lester assured him.

“Ok. Dan and I are dating,” he said softly, the words feeling strange and foreign in his mouth, having never said anything outright about it to anyone other than Dan himself. “For about the last month.”

“Oh wow,” his mother said, looking a bit taken aback.

Phil was confused. He thought she knew. She had insinuated so multiple times. His breath caught in his throat. “What, Mum?”

“I knew there was something with you two the moment I met him, but I didn’t think you two had realized it yet. Dating? A whole month?” she repeated, her eyes wide. “Oh my god.”

“Mum, what? You’re scaring me,” Phil said, a sick feeling coming over his stomach, unsure how to read his mother’s reaction.

“I’ve been letting you two have sleepovers and you’re dating! I could have accidentally walked in on you-”

“MUM!!!” Phil whisper-yelled, clapping his hands over his ears. “I tell you I have a boyfriend and this is your first thought? Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“You guys are sleeping in the lounge from now on,” his mother said.

“Fine, as long as you never mention that ever again,” Phil replied, sighing.

“Just no-” Mrs. Lester paused, waving her hands in the air searching the right words. “No.. No hanky panky in the house while your father and I are home,” she finished.

“Stop talking forever,” Phil answered, running his hand over his face.

“Also, just, be smart ok?” she continued.

“I am dying. I am dead and this is hell,” Phil said, collapsing in a kitchen chair.

“I am just trying to be a good mother, Phil, I have to say it.”

“You really don’t, Mum,” Phil said.

“I am happy for you, Phil. I have never seen you this happy.”

“I was worried you wouldn’t approve, for a moment there,” Phil admitted.

“I just want you to be happy. If Dan makes you happy, then I want that for you,” his mother shrugged.

“Thanks, Mum.”

“Do his parents know?”

Phil thought back to his conversation with Dan’s mother the week before.

“We haven’t told them, but I think they can tell. At least, his mum can,” Phil said, finally.

“Are you going to tell him that I know?”

“I feel like I should wait til I see him in person,” Phil speculated.

“That sounds like a good idea to me,” she agreed.

“Well,” Phil started, unsure of what to say next. “I guess I am going to go wrap this,” he said, holding up Dan’s gift.

‘Your cousins are in your room so you might want to do that in the dining room or somewhere else. You know, to avoid inquiry,” his mother warned him.

“Figures,” Phil sighed, walking off to find the wrapping supplies and then setting up camp on the dining room table, wrapping his present carefully while dreaming of the day he could reclaim his room and not have it overrun by three very rowdy teenage boys.

 

///

 

Christmas came to a close with little consequence. By eight that night, all of his family had left, and Phil was left sitting with his parents in the lounge, watching the movie A Christmas Story in relative silence, the occasional chuckling coming from his father.

 

He turned his phone over in his hands. He hadn’t heard from Dan much that day, but he hadn’t expected to. Dan was with his family. Christmas was a family day, he understood that. But he missed him so much. He couldn’t count how many times he had almost dialed Dan’s number during the day before deciding against it. He almost jumped when his phone began to buzz in his palm.

 

He jumped up and answered it, whispering “One sec,” and covering the speaker before leaving the lounge, sensing his mother’s eyes follow him out of the room. Once he was out of earshot of his parents, he brought the phone back up to his ear. “Hey, I miss you.”

 

“I miss you, too,” Dan said. There was a strange whooshing in the background on Dan’s end, like cars whizzing past on the road. His grandmother’s house must be near a busy road, Phil decided.

“How was your day?” Phil asked.

“Good, tiring, how was yours? Did you get everything you wanted?” Dan replied.

“Not everything,” Phil answered.

“Why what didn’t you get?” Dan asked, though Phil could tell by the infliction of his voice that he knew exactly what Phil was going to say.

“You, you ass,” Phil said, laughing.

“That could be arranged,” Dan said.

Phil was silent for a moment, confused.

“What?”

“Come outside.”

“What the hell are you on about, Dan?” he asked, making his way to the front door anyway.

“Just do it,” Dan urged.

 

Phil opened the front door, bracing himself against the cold, expecting to see a package or something of the like, but instead he saw Dan getting out of a taxi at the end of the drive.

“Oh my god,” he said, dropping his phone, which bounced off the welcome mat and into the planter next to him. He took off running down the driveway.

Dan set his bag down on the sidewalk as the taxi drove away, running to meet Phil.

They met in the middle of the driveway, embracing. Phil was shocked. He buried his face in Dan’s shoulder, breathing in deeply.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came back. I told my mom how miserable I was and why, so she bought me a train ticket back as part of my Christmas present. She just wanted me to have a good Christmas is all,” Dan explained. “And all I really wanted for Christmas was to be with you. So I am here now and I just wanted to-”

Phil cut him off with a kiss, forgetting how out in the open he was. Dan was taken aback at first, then melted into him. Phil forgot everything, forgot his parents in the house behind him, forgot how cold it was outside, the only thing he could focus on was that Dan was right here in front of him, that he could touch him, that he could actually feel Dan’s  skin under his fingertips, Dan’s lips moving against his own. He finally pulled back to catch his breath. “You have no idea how much I fucking missed you,” he finally said.

Dan beamed at Phil, reaching up to cup his cheek. “ I love you, you big nerd,” he said, then leaned in to kiss him once more.

Phil heard someone cough and turned back to see his mother and father standing in the door, which Phil had forgotten to close in his mad dash to hug Dan.

“Oh, um. Mum, Dad, Dan’s here,” Phil said, immediately pulling away, knowing that it didn’t matter if they saw, really, his mom already knew and had probably told his father by now. Still, he didn’t like getting caught making out in front of his parents.

“I can see that,” his father said, not acknowledging it. “You boys better get inside, it’s cold out here, and you haven’t got any shoes on Phil. Is Dan staying the night?” he asked, eyeing the bag at the end of the driveway.

“If that’s alright, sir,”Dan said, sheepishly.

“Fine by me,” Mr. Lester, replied, retreating back into the house.

“You’re both sleeping in the lounge, though,” his mother added.

“Mum, don’t start again,” Phil said in a hushed tone, feeling heat rise to his cheeks once more.

“I know, I know,” his mother said, waving her hand as she, too, went back into the house.

“Again?” Dan asked from behind Phil.

“I sort of told her,” Phil admitted. “ A few days ago.”

“Oh,” Dan nodded. He didn’t seem upset by it. Afterall, he had done the same with his own mother.

“Come inside?” Phil asked, walking down the drive to get Dan’s bag for him.

“Please,” Dan replied, rubbing his arms at the chill.

Phil paused the the door to retrieve his phone from where it had fallen in the bushes, and upon inspecting it for cracks and finding none, returned it to his pocket.

“Mum, is it fine if Dan and I go hang out upstairs for a little bit?”

“Sure. Just be smart,” she called back to him.

 

Phil rolled his eyes and led Dan up the stairs by the hand. He had to admit, it felt better now that his parents knew. It wasn’t like now they were going to be on top of each other all the time, but it was nice to know that he could reach out and touch Dan’s hand if he wanted to, or put his arm around him without feeling like his parents would feel weirded out.

 

“I have something for you,” Phil said, upon closing his bedroom door.

“I have something for you, too,” Dan responded. “It’s kind of dumb though. I made it,” he continued. He reached into the front pocket of his bag and pulled out a plastic case CD case. The front cover had Phil’s name written in white against a black background. Little drawings of stars peppered the space around his name. Dan handed it to him. “I hope you like it.”

Phil turned the case over in his hands and read what was written there. There were six tracks, most of them titles by bands they both liked, like Undisclosed Desires by Muse and Check Yes, Juliet by We the Kings, but the last one was just called You by Daniel Howell.

Phil looked up at the other boy quizzically.

‘I recorded some covers that I did,” Dan explained. “Well most of them are covers, except the last one. That one is the, uh. You know, _the_ song,” he finished nervously. “I hope you like it.”

Phil felt his heart leap to his throat. He loved it. Suddenly, the plastic case and the CD it contained had become his most prized possession. “This is the best gift that anyone’s ever gotten me,” Phil murmured, turning it over in his hands once more to look at the front, then hugging it to his chest. “Mine looks shit in comparison now.”

“I’m sure it’s not,’ Dan assured him, brushing Phil’s hair out of his face and smiling. “I am so glad you like it though.”

Phil leaned forward and kissed Dan’s cheek. He pulled away quickly and walked over to his dresser where his gift for the other boy sat. He carried the box to Dan and handed it to him, feeling sick at the anticipation of Dan’s reaction.

Dan unwrapped the paper and a painfully slow pace, finally revealing the box and opening it. He pulled out the wristband and looked it over in his hands. ‘Oh my god, are these the phases of the moon?” he whispered, a smile breaking out over his face. “Phil, I love it, I’ll wear it forever.”

He hurried to snap it around his own wrist, but kept fumbling, so Phil helped him, clasping it around his right wrist. Dan looked down at it happily.

“This is my favorite thing in the whole world,” Dan breathed, looking up at Phil again.

“I’m glad.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank _you,_ ” Phil said, pulling Dan into a hug. “I am so glad you’re here. You’re a goddamn Christmas miracle.”

“Isn’t that saying a bit much?” Dan laughed into his shoulder.

“it isn’t saying nearly enough,” Phil countered.

Dan kissed his cheek and beamed at him, then went back to looking at the wristband Phil had given him.

“Do you mind if I?” Phil asked, holding up his CD and motioning to his computer.

“Yeah, go for it, just wear headphones, please. I’ve listened to it so many times recently that I don’t want to hear myself sing or play for a while,” Dan admitted.

‘You sing in this?” Phil asked, excited. Dan rarely sung.

“Yes, shut up and listen to your gift. Leave me alone,” Dan said, collapsing onto Phil’s bed. “I’ve been on a train all day, I’m exhausted.”

“Don’t get too comfy,” Phil warned him, placing his headphones over his ears. “We still have to go downstairs and come up with a sleeping arrangement.”

He was pretty sure Dan groaned in protest, but he couldn’t hear him over the first few bars of music playing in his ears. The recording quality was really lowfy, but not in an intentional way, and occasionally, Phil could hear Dan’s voice crack a little when the note was too high or too low for him, but over all it was lovely. He loved it. He would treasure it forever.

 

///

They had come downstairs around ten and set up a makeshift bed on the floor of the lounge, gathering all of Phil’s bedding and every extra blanket in the house, assuring that it would be extra cozy. They set it up a few feet away from the Christmas tree. which was covered in multicolored lights and cast a strange glow over the room when the other lights were on. Dan had opted to keep the tree lights on, claiming it made the room look “dreamy.”

 

“Not like a real dream,” he had corrected himself. “Or like anyone we’ve had, but like an Alice in Wonderland dream. You know, where things are slightly off but in a good, cool way. At least in the beginning,” he finished, choosing to omit the slightly more terrifying parts of Alice in Wonderland from what he was likening the room to.

Phil had rolled his eyes but obliged.

 

Now he was happy that he had. Dan had fallen asleep rather quickly, quite tired from his impromptu train journey earlier that day, and the lights were now falling across his face in strange kaleidoscope patterns. He looked out of this world beautiful, and Phil couldn’t help but watch as the other boy slept. There was a few inches space between them because they didn’t want Phil’s parents to feel awkward if they walked in on them cuddling in their sleep, but the space felt like miles, causing Phil physical pain to have the other boy so close but still have no contact. He reached out and brushed Dan’s hair from his face gently, letting his hand come to rest lightly just behind Dan’s ear. The feeling of Dan’s warm skin under his fingertips made him simultaneously feel better and worse, as he immediately craved more contact. Dan stirred a bit at his touch, a soft smile spreading over his sleeping face. Phil closed the space between them for just a moment, kissing Dan’s forehead. Dan’s eyes fluttered open as Phil pulled away, coming to rest on Phil smiling back at him.

 

“You watching me sleep, you creep?” Dan mumbled, the smile never leaving his lips.

“Might be.”

“Get back over here. Miss you,” Dan said, opening his arms and motioning for Phil to come closer.

Phil welcomed the invitation, parents be damned, scooting closer and resting his head against Dan’s chest. Dan kissed the top of his head, settling back into sleep.

“I love you,” he murmured before drifting back off.

“I love you, too,” Phil replied, kissing Dan’s chest and closing his own eyes, hoping to drift off, as he was tired, but also dreading when he did, because then this moment would be over. This perfect instance in time would fade away into memory forever the moment he closed his eyes and fell asleep, and he wanted to hold onto it for as long as he could. It was the best Christmas he had ever had, and it was all because of Dan. He hoped there were many more to come. He maybe even hoped every Christmas for the rest of his life would be just like this. He drifted off with that thought implanted in his mind. Every Christmas that Dan was there for would be this perfect. He was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and happy holidays! I am super excited about this chapter! It has only been Christmas Eve for about an hour where I live, but the chapter is ready, so I thought I would go ahead and post. This is officially the longest chapter in the work I believe. I am personally really happy with it. I hope you all have a great day whether you celebrate or not, and I also hope you enjoy this. More to come soon!  
> xxxx - Heather.


	15. Chapter 15

Now that their parents knew things were better, but at the same time they were a little bit worse. It was nice knowing they didn’t have to hide, that they could be themselves outside the four safe walls of their bedrooms. It was nice not have to try to jump to opposite ends of the couch when they heard the doorknob jiggle. Everything was more relaxed and they were able to just enjoy being together rather than constantly worry that someone at home would notice they were together. 

It was worse because while they were able to hold hands and kiss each other’s cheeks around the house without worrying someone would see, they couldn’t do much else. Both the Howells and the Lesters agreed that there would be a lounge-sleeping policy for sleepovers as well as an open door policy while the boys were in their bedrooms, which lead to heated kisses in Phil’s back garden behind the shed while the Lesters sat in the living room watching TV and quickies while parents were out of the house, constantly listening for activity downstairs. Dan and Phil did not realize how easy their parents’ ignorance had made hooking up until they lost that cover. 

The next big step, they realized was deciding how to approach school. 

 

“I don’t know,” Dan said, sighing. He was lying on his back on Phil’s bed, head hanging down off the side. Phil was sat on the ground just below where Dan lay, his head resting next to the other boy’s, looking at Dan’s upside down face. ”It won’t be easy. I feel like now that we are out to a few people, it will be harder to hide it around others.”

Phil nodded. “I’m tired of hiding to be honest. And it’s not like there aren’t rumors. I mean, I know we don’t really talk about what we hear about ourselves around school, but you have to know people talk about us.”

“Doesn’t really bother me, though,” Dan replied, chuckling. “It’s not like they’re wrong.” 

“Far from it,” Phil agreed. 

“So what are we going to do? I don’t want to announce it or anything. That’s too formal,” Dan said, grimacing at the thought. 

“No, that would be painful. We could always do the whole Facebook relationship status change. Just like Beyonce drop the news on everyone via social media,” Phil suggested. 

“But then there would be all the comments with people saying they called it and shit, and I know people will say it in real life but that’s not as bad as having to read it all and getting a notification every time someone comments on it,” Dan pointed out. 

Phil was scrolling through Facebook on his phone, contemplating what Dan had said, when a notification for an event came through. Chris was having a New Year’s party. Phil scrolled through the guest list. Dan had also been invited though he wasn’t looking at his phone at the moment and didn’t yet know. It looked like most of the kids in their year had been invited. Phil saw this as an opportunity. 

“I have an idea,” Phil began, turning to face Dan. 

Dan raised his eyebrows in anticipation. 

“Chris is having a party New Year’s Eve party,” Phil continued. “We could go and just.. act like we do when we’re at home. And if that isn’t enough to let people know they were right about us, they’ll know when we kiss at midnight.”

Dan sat up and looked at Phil for a moment. “This is so cliche, but I don’t see a better way, and we might as well get it over with before winter break is up, give it time for the gossip to die down,” Dan agreed. 

“So that’s that.” Phil said, leaning back into the bed. He couldn’t help but feel butterflies rise to his stomach. In only three days, everyone would know that Dan and Phil were together, no ambiguity about it. They would know that Dan was his, and he was Dan’s. Part of him doubted anyone would be surprised.

 

///

New Year’s Eve rolled around, leaving Phil feeling uneasy, not because he didn’t want people to know about him and Dan, but because he wasn’t looking forward to all the talk it would cause. He wasn’t used to being the center of attention, or really getting any attention from many people at all, but since he met Dan, people seemed to notice him much more. 

 

Dan biked over to Phil’s house around seven thirty, about half an hour before the party was set to start. He texted Phil from the doorstep rather than knocking, which is what he always did to avoid having one of Phil’s parents answering the door. 

 

“Hey, you,” Dan said upon Phil opening the door. ‘’You ready for this?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Phil responded. “I’m not all the way ready yet. Want to come in and help me decide what to wear?”

“Well, I don’t want to stand here in the cold now do I?” Dan said, pushing past Phil and into the house. He called a greeting to Phil’s parents, who were sitting in the lounge as usual, and made his way up the stairs to Phil’s room, leaving Phil at the door to be in shock about how comfortable Dan was in his house. 

Phil closed the front door and followed Dan, finding the other boy sprawled across his bed when he entered his room. 

“What shirt should I wear?” Phil asked, walking over to his wardrobe and opening it up. 

“The plaid one,” Dan said, sitting up to examine the wardrobe’s contents. 

“Which plaid one?” Phil asked, slightly annoyed. “You know there’s, like, ten.” 

“Mmm,” Dan hummed, pondering his choices. He hopped up and pulled out a red and black checked, short sleeve button up. “This one,” he said definitely. 

“That one?” Phil asked, the edges of his mouth turning down in distaste. “First, that’s checkered not plaid. Second, I think I am nearly grown out of that. It’s really tight.”

“I know,” Dan said, smirking. “That’s why I chose it,” he added, throwing the shirt at Phil and returning to his spot the the bed, collapsing with a huff. 

 

Phil rolled his eyes and pulled off the t-shirt he was wearing to put on the other shirt, Dan sitting up on his elbows to eye the other boy coyly. 

“What are you looking at, huh?” Phil said, pulling on the other shirt and letting it hang open as he went to his sock drawer to choose some good socks to wear with his outfit. 

“Nothing,” Dan said, but Phil could feel his eyes on him even still. 

“Which socks?” Phil asked. 

“Why not just black socks?” Dan asked, standing up and making his way over to Phil, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around Phil’s waist, kissing Phil’s neck. 

“Because that’s boring, Dan,” Phil complained, trying to remain focused  on getting ready while his boyfriend did his best to distract him. “Come on, help me,” Phil protested, though he tilted his head to the side to give Dan better access to his neck. 

He heard Dan chuckle when he finally gave in. Dan pulled away for a moment and examined the socks from his viewpoint over Phil’s shoulder.

‘What about those?” Dan asked, pointing to one of the few pairs of black socks Phil owned, only this one was covered in patterns that formed constellations. 

Phil nodded, pulling those out of the drawer and closing it. He turned in Dan’s arms to face him, tilting Dan’s face up to his and kissing him. 

He shivered as he felt Dan’s fingers skim up his back, pulling him closer. 

“I need to get ready,” Phil mumbled against Dan’s lips, but he didn’t make any effort to pull away. 

Dan hummed in response, creating some space between them as he began to button up Phil’s shirt for him. 

Phil couldn’t help but laugh at the situation. 

“What?” Dan asked, pulling away, his eyes wide with confusion, his hands still working up the line of buttons. 

“I don’t know,” Phil said, still smiling. “Just can’t help but think about how I wish you were doing the exact opposite of what you are doing right now.” 

Dan smirked, finishing the last button. 

“You mean you don’t like it when I put your clothes  _ on _ you while I kiss you?” Dan asked with mock offense. 

Phil reached up and toyed with the top button on Dan’s shirt. “Well, as good as you look with this on, I like you much better with it off,” Phil teased, undoing the button with one hand. 

“Hey,” Dan warned, nodding towards Phil’s open bedroom door. 

Phil pouted. “Ok,” he said, pulling away from Dan and going about his business getting dressed. He put on the socks Dan had selected and laced up his black high tops. “Ready,” Phil said, taking a deep breath and checking the clock on his phone. It was a few minutes to eight, which mean the party was starting soon. 

 

Part of him didn’t want to get there on time, because then he would have to interact with the few people that were already there more one on one, but at the same time, he realized if he showed up with Dan on his arm when the party was already in full swing, they wouldn’t just be walking in, they would be making an Entrance. 

 

As if reading Phil’s mind, Dan asked, “Do you think we should leave soon? Or fashionably late?” 

“How late is fashionable?” Phil asked with a grimace, looking in his floor length mirror and adjusting his fringe, which had somehow gotten all weird and splitty in the last few minutes. He eyed Dan in the mirror behind him, temporarily envious of the other boy’s hair, which never had fringe gaps. 

“Dunno,” Dan shrugged, walking back over to the bed and sitting down. “Twenty minutes? No more than thirty, that would be verging on diva late I’d say. Like we thought the party didn’t start til we walked in.” 

“Ah, yes, very Ke$ha of us,” Phil nodded, as though he understood completely what Dan meant, but really he was too nervous about their debut as an actual couple to appreciate Dan’s wit. “So what, we leave a little after eight and get there when we get there?” 

“I guess so,” Dan said, looking at his phone. ‘Which gives us five minutes to sit here. Do you mind if I charge my phone while you internally scream until we leave?” 

“Is it that obvious that I am freaking out?” Phil asked sheepishly. 

“Well, to me, yes, because I would like to think I know you slightly better than most people. But at the level of freak at you are currently out, I would say other people could probably also tell, yes,” Dan admitted, plugging his charger into the wall. 

“Why are you so normal about this? Aren’t you even a little bit scared? Or nervous?” Phil asked, turning to face Dan. 

“No,” Dan said. “Well, a little. But I have you. You make things less scary,” he finished, glancing up from his phone for a second and blushing before going back to scrolling through what Phil assumed was tumblr, based on the blue glow it cast across Dan’s face. 

He supposed Dan was right. It wasn’t like he had to go alone. He had someone with him who would stick with him throughout the party no matter what happened that night. That was a good feeling, he decided. He stood there, looking down at the other boy on the bed, who was apparently absorbed in his phone, but Phil knew Dan knew he was watching him. He tried to focus only on Dan for a moment, forget his anxieties and calm himself down before they went to the party. He took some deep breaths, taking in Dan’s face, his hair, how the top button of his shirt was still open from when Phil had undone it as a joke. He decided he wasn’t going to remind Dan to do it back up. He liked the way it looked, 

 

Finally when the clock struck eight o’five, Phil decided it was time to leave. 

“Well, let’s go, then,” he said, gathering up his coat and phone charger, turning to Dan and waiting for him to follow suit. 

Dan stood up and pulled on his coat, stuffing his phone and charger in his pocket and holding his hand out to Phil. “Here goes nothing?” he asked. 

“Here goes nothing,” Phil affirmed, taking Dan’s hand in his own and squeezing it, then lead the other boy down stairs and out of the house. 

 

///

 

It took them about twenty minutes to walk to Chris’s. They heard the music before they could see the house. Phil knew the party would be relatively tame, since Chris’s parents were actually home, but he did expect it to get mildly crazy. When they turned the corner, they saw a few people in the yard, but most of the people were inside as it was cold. 

Phil’s hand relaxed in Dan’s instinctively, trying to let go as they always did when they approached a large group of people, but Dan tightened his grip, a silent reminder that this time was different. 

 

The kids in the yard were smoking cigarettes and talking rather loudly to hear each other over the music. They turned to eye Dan and Phil as they approached, but didn’t say anything. They weren’t really kids that they were friends with anyway, they wouldn’t  talk in a normal situation. They passed the other kids, nodding their hellos. Phil swore he heard one of them say “Told you they’d show up together” but he couldn’t be sure with the music. 

 

They couldn’t find Chris straight away, who was somewhere lost in the crowd, but they did find Louise almost immediately. 

 

“Phil!” she yelled, pushing through the people between them and pulling Phil into a hug, not seeing Dan at first. 

Phil let go of Dan’s hand to return Louise’s gesture. 

“Hey, Lou, how’s your holiday?” Phil asked over the beat of the music. 

“Great!” Louise answered, pulling back and smiling at Phil, then noticing Dan stood behind him. “Dan! I didn’t see you there! But of course you’re together, what are you two attached at the hip?” she asked, moving on from Phil and hugging Dan. 

“Something like that,” Dan answered, hugging back. 

“The pink’s gone,” Phil pointed out, picking up a lock of Louise’s blonde hair and toying with the end of it. 

“Oh, yeah, wanted to wear red lipstick for the holidays and it clashed. It will be back as soon as I can get into the hairdressers,” Louise assured him. 

“Good,” Phil nodded. “You seen Chris?” 

“Oh yeah, he’s up in the attic with a bunch of people playing Cards Against Humanity, I think,” she answered, turning as another girl called her name. Zoe, Phil thought her name was. “You should head up and say hi! Gotta go, I am needed,” she said, nodding towards where Zoe stood. 

“Yeah alright, see you later though?” Phil asked.  

“Of course. If either of you need a New Year’s kiss, I am always up for kissing cute boys,” she said, winking at Dan before running off. 

Phil turned to Dan to find him raising his eyebrows at him. 

“She’s a good egg,” Phil defended. 

“You know, I have only talked to her about 6 times and I am pretty sure she has offered to kiss either of us all six times,” Dan said. 

“She has good taste,” Phil shrugged. 

Dan rolled his eyes but smiled at Phil’s compliment. “So why the hell is Chris hanging out in the attic?” Dan asked. “That’s kinda weird, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“His parents had it finished, so it’s more like a lofted living room than anything,” Phil explained, realizing this was Dan’s first time at Chris’s place. “Follow me,” he said, holding his hand out for the other boy to take once more. 

 

There were too many people crowding the downstairs for anyone to notice how close together they were; everyone was packed like sardines anyway, so it wasn’t much to notice. Phil did see a few people’s eyes linger on their hands if they were at the vantage point to see, but no one seemed to think much of it. Phil couldn’t help but feel like he was waiting for something, waiting for someone to say anything, just to get it over with. Part of him felt like climbing up onto a table to get everyone’s  attention and yelling by the way, Dan’s my boyfriend, just to end the suspense. But that would be too gaudy. 

They pushed their way upstairs then climbed up the steps to the attic. There were only about ten people sat in a circle up there, mostly Chris’s friends. Phil could name most of them. Sat next to Chris was his friend PJ and their friend Mitchell, an American boy who had moved to their area when they were 14. Next to them was a girl named Carrie, who Phil knew because she had been the lead in every play since year nine. Next to her was a boy Phil thought was named Charlie. Next to him was a boy named Jack, who looked very much like he rather be somewhere else. The rest were people Phil had never seen before in his life, or if he had, they hadn’t left an impression. 

No one noticed them walk in at first, as Chris was yelling. “THAT WAS MY TENTH BLACK CARD! That means I win, thank you very much.” 

“Maybe,” Mitchell began, eying the rest of the group hopefully from behind the lenses of his glasses, “we should play something less competitive.” 

PJ caught onto what Mitchell was saying immediately. It wasn’t a secret that Chris got a little too into things, competition wise. 

“Yeah,” PJ agreed. “Why not truth or dare?” 

There was a collective positive murmur that fell across the room, and Chris didn’t protest. Though he may have, had he not been distracted by Dan and Phil stood in the doorway, waiting for a moment to announce their presence. 

“Well, if it isn’t Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum,” Chris said, smiling. “Join the game, mate,” he patted the ground next to him as the others turned to look. 

There was a chorus of hellos as a space was made for them in the circle. Phil felt Dan’s hand slip from his own and knew the other boy was feeling the pressure of having a whole room full of eyes on him. He did his best not to react, sitting down and responding to everyone's greetings. He leaned into Dan slightly when the other boy took his place next to him, trying to comfort him without drawing more attention. 

“Who’s going first?” PJ asked. 

“I think Jack should go. He looks so excited.” Carrie piped up he voice peppered with sarcasm.

“Jack, truth or dare,” Chris asked. 

“This is childish,” Jack complained.

“Do it or we’ll go find Louise and have her give you a talking to.” Carrie warned. 

It was so secret that though Jack maintained he was annoyed by every human on Earth, he had a soft spot for Louise. He often said he found her to be the most annoying creature he had ever encountered, but he said it with such affection in his voice, no one believed him.  

Jack ceased his protest, so Chris decided to ask the question once more. 

“Jack, truth or dare, mate.”

“Truth,” Jack mumbled reluctantly. 

“Who do you like?” Chris asked, smiling mischievously. 

“No one,” Jack answered, blushing. 

“Aw, come off it, mate, we all know it’s Lou,” Chris chastised. 

“Is not!” 

“Come on,” PJ chimed in. “You saying you don’t like Louise would be like Phil saying he didn’t like Howell.”

Everyone fell silent, the only noise being the music filtering in from downstairs. PJ clapped his hand over his mouth, his eyes wide when he remembered Dan and Phil were both in the room. 

“Sorry, mate, I forgot you were here,” PJ mumbled. turning an absurd shade of red. 

“S’alright,” Phil said, feeling the heat in his cheeks, glancing sideways to gauge Dan’s reaction. He could see that Dan was also blushing. He decided not to confirm or deny just yet. “I’ll go next,” he carried on as though nothing had happened. “Someone ask me truth or dare.”

“Ok…” Chris began tentatively. “Truth or dare, Phil?” 

“Truth.”

There was a silence as everyone knew what was coming next, but Phil was fine with that. He was actually counting on it. 

“Who do you like, then?” Chris asked. Everyone in the room seemed to lean forward waiting for Phil’s answer, even Dan. 

“My boyfriend, duh,” he answered as nonchalantly as he possibly could, then turned to smile at Dan. Dan turned positively fuchsia as an excited murmur erupted in the room. Phil slipped his hand into Dan’s and squeezed. 

“Fuckin’ knew it!” Chris yelled. “I told you I knew it,” he said to seemingly no one at all. He pulled out his phone and dialed a number. “Lou!” he yelled once Louise picked up. “They’re dating. What do you mean who?? Phil and Dan. Yes, Dan Howell, who the fuck else? Dan Radcliffe? How do you think I know, he just damn told me. They’re holding hands. Ok, I’ll get him.”

 

Chris walked across the room and held out the phone to Phil. “Louise wants you to tell her.”

Phil took the phone and held it to his ear. “Yeah?” 

“Phillip, is what I just heard true?”

“Yes, Dan and I have been dating for... “ he paused and look at Dan, “two months?” 

Dan nodded. 

“Yeah, two months.” Phil confirmed. 

“And you didn’t tell me?’

“We didn’t tell anyone.” 

“I can keep a secret,” Louise pouted. 

“ _ Lou. _ ”  

“Maybe I can’t. Can I tell people now?” 

“Go for it. Where are you?” 

“Back garden.” Louise’s voice came through once more, this time farther away as though she was covering the receiver. “Zoe! Zoe! Dan and Phil are dating! Yeah, Lester and Howell, who else?”

“Bye Louise,” Phil chuckled, hanging up although he was unsure if Louise heard him. He handed the phone back to Chris and began to stand up. “I think we’re gonna go grab some food if that’s ok.”

“Yeah go for it,” Chris said, nodding. “Fuckin’ knew it,” he mumbled under his breath. 

  
  


They hurried downstairs but completely bypassed the kitchen, opting instead to go for the front yard and catch some air. 

“That went well,” Phil said with a smile once they were out of the front door. 

“Yeah, I guess,” Dan said, smiling but still looking concerned. 

“I mean know one was really that surprised. They were just happy they had called it,” Phil continued. 

“I am pretty sure I saw Mitchell handing some money over to PJ. I think people were placing bets on us, Phil,” Dan said, with a laugh. 

Phil leaned in and kissed Dan, not caring who saw anymore It didn’t matter now. They didn’t have to hide it anymore. 

 

/// 

The party had calmed down significantly as midnight and the New Year approached. Dan and Phil had separated from the group once more, much to the protest of Louise, who wanted to know every single detail of their relationship, which they had to edit severally to omit the whole “we fell in love in a dream” bit. 

They were at the edge of the garden now, looking up at the sky and holding hands. 

“Last moon of the year,” Dan said, smiling up at it. 

“Yep,” Phil said, though he didn’t even give the moon a second thought. He was completely fixated on Dan. 

 

“10, 9 8,” a chant came from inside.    
  


“We should make a wish! On the last moon” Dan said almost panicked. 

“Ok,” Phil agreed, looking up at the sky once more, then closing his eyes and making his wish. 

 

“7, 6, 5!” 

 

He opened his eyes and turned back to Dan, taking his face in his hands. 

 

“4, 3, 2, 1!” 

 

He kissed Dan right as their friends yelled one inside. 

 

There was a chorus of whoops from the people outside who could see them, but Phil wasn’t sure if they were for them. Plenty of people were kissing, it was New Year’s, it’s what you did. 

 

He pulled away.  “Happy New Year, Dan.”   
“What did you wish for?” Dan asked. 

“Can’t tell you, then it won’t come true.”

“Come on, tell me,” Dan said. 

“Ok, but don’t be mad when you jinx it by making me tell you,” Phil warned. 

“That’s made up,” Dan protested. 

“And wishing isn’t?” Phil retorted. 

“Of course not,” Dan said, smiling. “What did you wish?”

“It wasn’t so much a wish as it was  message to the universe. All I said was, “Feel free to throw anything at me this year. I can handle it, as long as Dan is here with me. So please let him always be here with me,” Phil said, taking the other boy in his arms. 

“That’s a good wish. I think it will come true,” Dan said, brushing Phil’s hair out of his face. 

“Why’s that?” 

“Because I wished that you would always be with me,” Dan said, pressing his forehead to Phil’s. 

“Well, I know that wish will come true,” Phil assured him. 

Dan closed the space between them with a kiss. It was going to a good year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is late. The holidays got the best of me. I hope you like it!


	16. Epilogue

“Dan!” Phil yelled for what felt like the fifteenth time today, banging on the bathroom door. He heard the water running and Dan’s low, melodic humming behind the door, but no response.

“We are going to be late, Dan, this isn’t cool.” Phil said, pounding on the door again before returning to his- their- bedroom. He sat on the floor in front of his floor length mirror and began straightening his hair with the tools he had plugged into the outlet near the bed. He knew Dan would chastise him, citing all the times Phil had accidentally left the straighteners plugged in when they’ve left the flat as reasons that Phil shouldn’t straighten his hair in the bedroom, but Dan was taking forever in the bathroom and they had places to be.

 

Phil had learned over the last six years that Dan was perpetually late, which stressed him out, as he was usually early. Today, it wasn’t like they would miss anything if they were late, it was just dinner with both sets of their parents, and obviously they would wait for their sons to get there to be seated and eat, but Phil felt it rude to expect the four of them to come down to London and then leave them waiting in some restaurant while Dan took way too long adjusting his fringe in the mirror by the door, like he undoubtedly would. And, on top of everything, it was New Year’s Day and the reservations at the restaurant were hard enough to get, he didn’t want to lose them on account of Dan’s poor time management.

 

Phil finally heard the water in the other room shut off. He sighed, happy to know that Dan was finally out. He would complain when Dan entered the room, urging him to hurry, to which Dan would respond “It’s only our parents, don’t worry.” He had been with Dan long enough to predict all his excuses before he even said them.

 

But tonight, Phil had a different reason to be worried. Tonight was more important. Phil stood up, leaving the straightener plugged in, knowing that Dan would need it when he was getting ready. He checked his outfit over in the mirror, listening for Dan’s footsteps in the hall. Not hearing any, he decided that Dan must have gotten distracted by something in the bathroom, probably his phone. Phil reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black velvet box, turning it over in his hand. He opened it and looked at the band inside for what felt like the thousandth time. It was simple, plain and silver on the outside, but on the inside he had engraved with the phases of the moon, just as the first gift he had ever given Dan had been. Their parents knew what was going to happen tonight. Dan was the only one without a clue.

 

He heard the knob behind him rattle, causing him to jump, closing the box and shoving it back into his pocket at lightening speed. He turned to face Dan, naked except for a towel slung around his waist and the black leather band, still around his wrist where it had been for the last six years. It had seen better days, but just as Dan had promised, it never left his arm.

 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Dan said, giving Phil a once over. “You also look absolutely fantastic. Are you sure we have to go out tonight?”

Dan crossed the room, leaning in to Phil and kissing his cheek.

“I am sure, Dan, you know I worked really hard on arranging this dinner,” Phil complained, trying to push Dan away from him, knowing that once he got started, he would never back off. They were only twenty-two after all, just because they had been together longer than most adult couples didn’t mean they were tired of each other. In fact, they couldn’t get enough of each other. “Please, get dressed, Dan. For me.”

 

“That’s the first time I have ever heard you beg for that,” Dan laughed, running his hand along Phil’s waist. and towards his belt buckle. Phil froze, praying that Dan’s hand didn’t graze his pocket and feel the box inside.

 

“That’s it, Dan, you are on Phil Probation until you are dressed and ready to leave,” Phil ordered sternly, motioning to leave the room.

“Oi, that’s not fair,” Dan pouted.

“It’s the only way I will get you out of here with any hope of making our reservations,” Phil shrugged. He paused at the doorway. “See you soon.” He winked and closed the door.

 

He went to the lounge to wait for Dan to be ready, running through his head what he was going to say while looking around at the home they had built together. They had moved to London at eighteen and had lived in this flat ever since. Phil couldn’t help but remember the dream that Dan had had so many years ago, where they had lived together. He couldn’t help but think their life now was rather similar to that, or at least on the way to being similar. Their life was nearly a dream come true.  Dan worked in a Starbucks by day in the beginning, playing the piano at a dive bar that was trying to be posh on the weekends. One weekend, the owner of a fancy restaurant happened upon Dan and was so enchanted by his playing that he hired him to play at his restaurant full time, paying much more than Dan had made at Starbucks, so he took it in a heartbeat. Phil had gotten in internship at a smaller radio station, working as an assistant for a while, but now he had his own nightly show on dream interpretation. It was a late night show and it wasn’t the most popular, but it paid the bills and he was having fun. The apartment they were able to afford was humble and small, but perfect for two people who didn’t mind living in close quarters; in fact, they wouldn’t have it any other way. No place had ever felt more like home. He was sure one day they would upgrade, and that place would feel even more like home, but for now, he couldn’t imagine leaving this place. Some of the best moments of their lives happened here: their first Christmas tree together, their first furniture arrangement debacle (Dan was a stickler for symmetry in a room, while Phil couldn’t care less), their first house plant (which they killed), their first goldfish (Susan 1), their second goldfish (Susan 2), their first fight over closet space. Everything was here.

 

And he hoped that tonight would lead to one more important memory in this home: Their first night as an engaged couple.

 

He didn’t want to sound cocky, but he had no doubt Dan would say yes. Dan never talked about a future where they weren’t together. When they got tired or drunk enough, Dan would talk about things like what they would name their kids or where they would hold their wedding. Marriage, at this point, seemed like an inevitable part of their future. But that wasn’t why Phil was asking him.

 

Phil was asking him because he had spent nearly every waking (and sleeping) moment with him for the last six years and he never wanted to know a life that was different. Maybe it was unhealthy to spend that much time with one person, but Phil was never happier than when he was with Dan. Dan was like a drug he knew he would never give up.

 

Their parents weren’t even surprised when he had told them his plans. He had told them the day before Christmas while Dan was out to the shop to pick up some coffee creamer, as they had run out at the Howell’s house. He had expected to hear “You guys are only twenty-two, how do you know that he’s the one?” or “How can you know what you want forever when you have experienced so little of life?” But instead he was met with an array of similar responses.

“Frankly, I am surprised it took this long. I thought we would be hearing wedding bells the moment you both were eighteen,” his father had said with a laugh.

Mr. Howell had agreed. “I am glad you waited a few years though. Even though we all knew it was coming eventually.”

The mothers had a slightly different response.

“Does one of you wear white? How does that work?” Dan’s mother had asked.

“Will you hyphenate the last name or will you choose one? In all honesty, Phil, Howell sounds much more sophisticated than Lester, I would choose that one if you only go with one,” Phil’s mother had added.

Phil was in shock. They apparently had already thought this through extensively. He hadn’t even considered names yet.

“So you’re all fine with it?”

“Of course. We knew it was coming, Phil, it’s not like this is news to use, dear.” Phil’s mother had patted him on the shoulder. “It was only a matter of when one of you boys got up the guts to ask the other.”

“I told you it would be Phil,” Mrs. Howell had chimed in.

‘That you did,” Mr. Lester nodded.

“I hate that you lot actually hang out and talk about this,” Phil had sighed, putting his head in his hands.

He knew that ever since they had moved to London, their parents had begun spending a lot of time together, both sets being empty nesters now, but he didn’t know they talked about them so much. He supposed it made sense they talked about their sons, as it was something they had in common, and he also supposed that it was better their parents be friends than enemies if they were going to be married, but it still weirded him out.

  


Phil was jolted out of his thoughts by Dan.

‘Stop staring off into space and start staring at me,’ Dan said, entering the room, thankfully fully dressed and groomed, and he was right. Phil couldn’t help but stare at him. Seeing Dan dressed up always got him going, and Dan knew that, but he was going to resist today. They didn’t have time to get undressed and redressed again.

“You look great,” Phil said, breathily, standing up and walking over to the other man. “But we have places to be, so let’s get there.”

“You can’t rush perfection, love,” Dan said, pausing at the mirror- as predicted- to check his fringe.

“Dan, you look perfect the moment you get out of bed, now hurry up, you spoon,” Phil said, throwing Dan his coat, then grabbing his own. He hooked his finger through Dan’s belt loop and tugging him towards the door.

“That could have been romantic, you know, if you weren’t so annoyed sounding when you said it,” Dan said, tripping out the door after Phil, pulling on his coat.

“You have no sense of urgency,” Phil huffed, falling quickly into step towards the entrance to the tube.

“I do when things are actually urgent,” Dan retorted.

“And when is that, by your definition?” Phil asked, walking about five paces ahead of Dan, having to turn back over his shoulder to respond to the other man.

“That time you cut your hand open in the kitchen! I got the first aid kit really quickly and called the taxi and got you to A&E really quickly, now didn’t I?” Dan said, jogging to fall into step directly next to Phil. “If you keep walking this fast I am going to get sweaty and my hair will curl, Phil, slow down,” he whined.

“So things are only urgent when there is blood? Come on Dan this is important to me,” Phil pleaded, not slowing down. “And if you think your hair curling is incentive for me to slow down, you should know me better after six years, dear.”

“Ew, don’t call me dear, what are you, an eighty year old married woman named Ethel? Because that would make me an eighty year old man named Ernest and that isn’t the couple I signed up to be in,” Dan complained. He followed Phil down the steps to the tube.

“You know, my mum will make some comment if my hair is curly like I could have dressed up more for the event and then I’ll have to explain it’s your fault because you made me walk to fast and I got sweaty and then they won’t believe us and they will think we were late because we were shagging,” Dan said, breathing heavily.

“It would be easier to breathe if you stopped complaining for like three point two seconds, Dan. Do you ever stop talking? You’re acting like I am leading you  to slaughter, but I am just trying to take you to a nice dinner with our parents that I am PAYING for, I don’t know what else I could do to make this even less torturous for you,” Phil said, getting onto the tube and sitting down. It was rather empty as most people were in for the day with their families.

Dan sat next to him, letting out a sigh and bringing his head to rest on Phil’s shoulder. “You could let me not go,” Dan said.

“It’ll be worth it,” Phil promised, slipping his hand into the pocket opposite of where Dan sat and fingering the box.

“It better be, making me go outside on a day I don’t have work. Honestly, how rude,” Dan complained.

“I’ll buy you a margarita,” Phil promised.

Dan hummed in approval but looked more expectant. Phil wondered what else he could be wanted, then remembered the restaurant they were going to had a really nice sushi appetizer than Dan really liked.

“And the sushi,” Phil added.

“Hmm, that might make up for it,” Dan said with a mock pout still plastered on his face.

 

Phil sighed in frustration, and pondered momentarily how he could be planning to ask someone so impossible to marry him that very night. After a moment’s thought, he decided that it was because even when he wanted to throttle Dan for being unbelievably difficult, he still felt so much love in his heart for him that it was ridiculous. Even when he was genuinely pissed with Dan, his anger was always laced, and honestly overpowered, by how much he loved him. And he supposed that was what true love was. Even when the other person was being the worst, they were still the best.

 

They continued the rest of the tube ride in relative silence, exchanging words about simple things, like how far one of them had made it in a game on their phone or a funny post they had seen online. Phil tried his best to ignore how the clock on his phone was getting ever closer to the time they were supposed to be at the restaurant. They would barely make it on time if Dan hustled when they got off the tube.

 

Dan complained less on the way from the tube to the restaurant, focusing more on getting there than being annoying, which Phil appreciated. Apparently, alcohol and sushi were great motivators for Dan. Phil would keep that in mind for future reference.

 

They walked into the lobby of the restaurant with just minutes to spare. The Howells and Lesters were already stood waiting for them, having checked in with the hostess already.

 

“There you are,” Mrs. Lester said, holding out her arms to her son, hugging him, then hugging Dan. “We were worried you’d be late,” she added, nodding towards Dan as she hugged him and making a face at Phil. At least she knew that Dan was the reason they were always late.

They exchanged greetings and hugs with the rest of the parents and awaited the hostess’s arrival to tell them their table was ready. Phil’s stomach flipped when she appeared. The moment was getting closer.

 

He had talked it over with his mum and had decided the best time to do it would be towards the beginning of dinner, so that Phil wouldn’t be a nervous wreck the entire time. He tended to not be hungry when he was nervous, so he wanted to get it over with so he could also enjoy the restaurant.

 

They sat down and ordered drinks. Phil fidgeted as everyone else talked. Dan noticed Phil’s silence and nudged him, giving him a look as if to ask if he was ok. Phil just nodded and smiled, turning to face his mother, who was speaking animatedly about her houseplants, but giving Phil glances every moment, expecting him to make his move.

 

He waited until the drinks had been placed down in front of them before saying anything. Dan held his margarita with both hands like a little kid drinking a cup of juice. He looked at Phil and smiled over the rim of his glass. Phil began to speak.

 

“So, um,” Phil began shakily, the rest of his family (because that was what they were at this point, despite two of them having to blood relation to him, they were his family) silencing at the sound of his voice. Dan was the only one that seemed surprised that he was speaking. ‘There is a reason that, um, I have arranged for us all to be here today. So, um I guess I better get on with it.”

Dan gave him a strange look, then looked around the table at the family, and upon seeing that they didn’t look as weirded out as he was, he attempted to conform his response to theirs, though Phil could see through his fake expression.

“So, Dan. I guess I’ll start by saying that we have been together for a long time. Longer than most couples our age, I would argue. Part of me wants to say we have been together longer than most couples who have been dating for six years as well, because the years between sixteen and twenty-two feel a lot longer than, say the years between twenty-two and twenty-eight,” Phil said, smiling. Dan’s eyes were wide. Phil decided he knew what was coming, but, in a fashion much unlike Dan, he remained silent. Phil continued. “We have been through a lot together, and I don’t mean that like our lives were hard and we’ve supported each other, but we have been through so much. School. Decided on careers. A lot of different firsts. Probably every first there is really. And I love you so much. And I am not good at words, I suppose,” he added, his voice shaking as he became aware that he was rambling. “So um,” he said as he began to stand up, “what I am trying to say, Dan , is that we have had a lot of firsts, and I would like to have a lot more firsts with you. And lasts. You were my first everything, and I want you to be my last everything.”

Dan blushed as Phil got down on his knee next to his chair. “Oh my god,” he whispered, looking around at his family, who just smiled on without a word. Phil pulled the box from his pocket and poised to open it.

“What I am trying to ask you, Dan, is will you marry me?”

He opened the box to reveal the silver band. Dan clapped his hand over his mouth.

“I mean, it seems like a good way to start the new year, if you want,” Phil added, shrugging and blushing when Dan didn't answer.

“Do you even have to ask?” Dan said quietly, slipping out of his chair to join Phil on the floor.

“Kind of, you know, so we can be on the same page and you know, start planning things, and it’s customary to ask and not just expect the other person to psychically know that the other person wants to get marr-”

“That means yes, you idiot, put the ring on me,” Dan said, putting his hand over Phil’s mouth.

“We should probably stand up first,” Phil said, muffled by Dan’s hand.

“Oh, yeah,” Dan agreed. They stood and Dan looked down at the box in Phil’s hand. “Oh my god are those?”

“The phases of the moon, yeah,” Phil said smiling and taking the ring from the box.

Dan held out his left hand and Phil slipped the ring up his finger.

Dan leaned in and kissed him. He heard his parents clapping, along with about half of the people in the restaurant, but they sounded so far away. Dan was the only person in his world right now, just as he had been for the last six years. Like he would be, forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is the end for now! I’m not ruling out a sequel, but this is all I really had planned for the story. I thought about trying to extend it and add more chapters to the storyline, but I didn't feel like it would be my best work if I did. So I am sorry to bring it to the end, I hope you liked it! Thank you for all the positive support throughout the writing of it, I probably never would have finished it if it weren’t for those of you who commented and gave me nice feedback. You were all my motivation to get this done. I have told some of you personally just how much you have helped me in wanting to write this, because sometimes it was really hard to get through and find the motivation to write. I never expected this many people to read this, so thank you so much for those of you that had. It made my day every time someone would message me and tell me they spent the night or day binge reading it.  
> For those of you that have asked how I got my idea, the song Dream Operator by The Talking Heads was a huge inspiration, so give it a listen if you want.  
> Anyway, I wanted to thank you all. I hope you liked this chapter. You have all been great.  
> And as always, I will be writing more (even though it won’t be part of this series for the most part) so I hope you stick around here or on my tumblr (noncombustibledaniel.tumblr.com) because I would love to hear from you all again.  
> Thank you again <3  
> Heather


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